


Wheels Within Wheels

by 50ShadesOfZen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Louis, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1432048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50ShadesOfZen/pseuds/50ShadesOfZen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this work can also be found on wattpad under the same username xx</p>
<p>After their first encounter at Louis' favorite cafe, the arrogant Harry Styles refuses to leave Louis alone until he gets what he wants; a date, and maybe a bit more. His wish is granted when he takes Louis to a fateful party. During this event, Harry had a bit of "fun" with the hopelessly intoxicated Louis. However, he never in a million years would have expected the events that transpired as a result of his manipulation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So we usually post on wattpad and i'm still working out the kinks here so bear with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically a prologue fyi

Light precipitation began to create a shower over Louis' head as he ambled down the pavement. He exhaled deeply and tugged the beanie that hid his light, brown hair over his ears. Still a block away from his destination, he was irritated to be stuck in the unfortunate weather that London never failed to provide. "Bloody hell," he grumbled under his breath.

Louis picked up his pace, jogging the rest of the way to his favorite cafe. He hastily slipped inside, the sweet aroma of freshly brewed beverages wafting into his nostrils. He took in the smell gratefully and let is fill his senses with delight.

"Alright, Lou?" called the manager, Lanny, from behind the coffee counter.

Louis grinned, shedding his jacket as he seated himself at a circular table in front of the large glass window, "Not a fan of the April showers, but I'm hanging in there."

Lanny started preparing Louis' 'usual' drink. The boy, slightly damp from the drizzling, took out some uni work and got started. His thoughts were interrupted when the push-door swung open and a tall boy entered.

The large male captivated Louis, although he looked vaguely familiar. He'd certainly seen him, or heard of him before. The boy possessed a dark, alluring presence. Brown, outrageously curly hair framed his handsome face. A piercing pair of shadowy green eyes stared ahead.

The boy caught Louis' gaze, making his heart flutter. A cheeky smirk tugged at his lips as he sauntered over to where Louis was sat.

"Hello, Gorgeous."

At this juncture, Louis felt his cheeks burn slightly. He grinned, "Hello, there."

The other boy slumped down on the wicker chair across from Louis. "What's a beautiful lad like you doing here all alone?"

Louis raised his cuppa towards him, "Just studying and having some tea,"

"Hmm," Harry hummed, scotching his chair near Louis. "It's heart breaking to see you here unaccompanied."

"Is it?" Louis inquired, absentmindedly scanning the words in a textbook, pretending to take little interest in him.

"It is, Babe," the boy reached over, gripping the leg of Louis' chair. He dragged it closer to him. Louis gasped when the boy's lips were upon his ear, whispering lowly, "What's your name?"

Louis' eyelids fluttered closed as a tingly sensation spread throughout him. The boy's heart-shaped lips left small kisses on the sensitive skin near Louis' ear. "Louis," he barely exhaled.

"I'm Harry," the boy practically growled. "Are you busy tonight, Louis?"

Louis bite a lip, "What have you got in mind, Harold?"

"You and I, no clothes... In my bed." Harry went on to say, brushing his thumb against Louis' hip, where his skinny jeans rested on his waist.

Louis entertained this thought momentarily. Had it been anyone but the impeccably beautiful Harry, their invitation to have meaningless sex would be immediately shot down.

"When you're able to look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, I'll think about it," Louis responded flatly, sliding back to withdraw from Harry's warm fingertips.

Harry's chuckle was light, an arrogant smirk sitting on his mouth. "Such a thing doesn't even exist. I just wanna have some fun, Baby,"

"That's not the way I have fun. If that's what you like to do, look elsewhere." Louis spoke with finality, taking up his cuppa.

Harry watched carefully as Louis pursed his lips and sipped the steamy liquid. "Don't be obstinate; I just want to feel those lips round me,"

Appalled, Louis scoffed, "Go to hell,"

"That's where I'm headed, anyway, Sweetheart. But it'd be much better if I went knowing what you look like without all those clothes on."

"Come off it, Harry, you're not getting a one-night-stand out of me." Louis gathered his items then stood, pushing his chair in and leaving a generous tip on the table. Much to his chagrin, he was followed by Harry.

Louis stepped out of the shop and regarded the other boy, "Your persistence is admirable, and a bit annoying. I told you I'm not going home with you,"

Harry outstretched his arm and place his palm against the brick wall outside of the cafe, impeding Louis' travel. "C'mon, Baby,"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Louis huffed and gave Harry and irritated glare. "No,"

Testing a new approach, Harry pouted his bottom lip and gave Louis puppy-dog eyes. "Please?"

Louis' lips curled into a grin and he chortled. "No, Harry,"

"Fine," Harry pined. He hadn't completely given up, however. He lent down and smashed his moist lips against Louis'.

An indescribable feeling washed over Louis. Butterflies erupted in his stomach and his mind went blank of all things but the taste that Harry's lips allow. Harry pulled back, dropping his eye in a wink towards Louis. "Be seeing you, Baby,"

With that, he strode off presumptuously. All Louis could do is breathlessly watch the breathtaking boy. He rubbed his bottom lips with his index finger, as if still being able to detect the other boy's lips on his. "Cocky bastard," Louis muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis~

It's been a month since I met Harry at the coffee shop. Turns out I did know him from somewhere; we went to the same university. Just my luck innit? Ever since that day, the bastard won't leave me alone. Everywhere I seem to go he's there hitting on me.

I decided to have lunch on campus today and was sitting by myself at the tables in the courtyard. I always liked the peacefulness outside instead of the bustling food court-like place inside. I enjoyed myself for a while, eating my pizza, just taking in everything when I heard the deep, raspy voice that's been taunting me for weeks.

"Hey, Babe," Harry sauntered over, a smug look on his face.

"I'm not your babe." I replied bluntly, not even looking at him and taking another bite. To be honest, he's kind of hot, but he's a jerk.

"Mind if I join you," he suggested in a mocking tone. He didn't even wait for my answer as he slid onto bench next to me.

"Yes, I do mind," I said in the same, flat tone. I scooted over, adverting my eyes from him in hopes he wouldn't notice the blush creeping up my cheeks.

Harry just smirked and moved closer to me so that our thighs were touching. He then threw an arm around my shoulder. I flinched slightly before brushing his hand off. I moved even further from him, nearing the edge of the bench.

"C'mon, babe, don't be like that." Harry closed the space between us once more. I turned so I was facing away from him and continued to eat the last of my food. I could feel him staring at me even with my back turned.

"I'm not your babe, get out of my face," I spoke, very irritated, before swiftly standing up, scooping up my trash and my bag and plodding away. I clutched my back-pack tight as a stalked off towards the other end of campus where my afternoon class was.

I could hear the sound of his brown, suede boots rustling the grass as Harry, once again, followed me. I turned and granted him a hard glare, "Don't you have something better to do," I spat, "Like, I don't know, get your education?" Harry didn't even seemed fazed by my outburst. He just smirked again and shrugged.

"Morning classes."

"I can't even deal with you today, go away," I pushed him with the hand that wasn't holding my backpack but he didn't budge.

"Go on a date with me."

"How many times do I have to say no for it to sink in?" I tapped my foot in annoyance.

"As many times as it takes for you to say yes."

"I just- ugh- you know what, I'm already late. Goodbye, Harry," I shooed him away as I continued on to class.

"Bye, Louis," His voice was mockingly sweet. I rolled my eyes.

"This fucking boy..." I mumbled to myself pulling open the doors to the building where the lecture hall was.

I glanced back to see him finally wondering off and then smiled to myself a bit. I quickly shook my head, "you are not going soft on him" I thought as I entered my class.

I sat in my psychology class taking notes on my professor's lecture about "the delicate mind of a child." I've always liked children. That's why I'm studying to be a drama teacher. The professor droned on and on and my mind slowly began to drift to other places. Much to my dismay, a certain curly haired, prick made his way into my thoughts. It's like I can't escape him; even in my own head.

I sighed loudly causing several people to send me angry glances before continuing to write their notes. Why did Harry have to be, well, Harry? He's cute, funny, and cheeky but he's annoying, rude, and damn persistent. I put my head in my hands and tried to forget about my complicated relationship with Harry for a second. I know he's not going to give up on me very easily. He's obviously one who's used to getting what he wants. Probably because nobody says no to that pretty face. So much for trying to not think about Harry...

I glanced back up at my professor and attempted to take notes again. Thoughts of Harry still lingered fervently in my brain, but I pushed them to the back of my mind. I at least need to get something written down today for this class. I scribbled down key points from the lecture and peeked over a shoulder or two to get what I had missed. Before I knew it, I was packing up my things and getting ready to leave the lecture hall. I went as fast as I could in shoving my belongings into my backpack. I brushed past my slower moving classmates into the hallway of the building.

I propelled open the doors of the exit and did a quick sweep of the campus, checking for any trace of Harry waiting for me. The coast seemed clear so I relaxed a bit and began strolling about the campus in search of my best mate Zayn. I stopped near a tree, pulled my phone out and sent a quick message to him asking where he was. I slipped it back into my pocket.

"Looking for me?"

"Jesus, Harry!" I exclaimed, surprised as I peered around, trying to figure out where he had even come from.

A deep chuckled vibrated his broad chest, "Well that's no way to greet me, love," he taunted.

"What do you want Harry?" I sighed in annoyance.

"What I always want; you to go on a date with me." He stated quite plainly, giving me that look with those breathtaking emerald eyes.

"You already know the answer." I replied sternly

"C'mon, ba-"

"I'm. Not. Your. Babe." I said through clenched teeth. Harry glanced at the ground then back at me whilst running his fingers through his wild curls.

"Louis, just give me a chance- look, my best mate, Niall is having a party off campus on Saturday. Come with me. " He pleaded. Although, his pleading was still forcefully and demanding.

I pursed my lips and gave him a hard stare. I wandered my eyes up and down his body, then searched his face. I thought about it; weighed my options. "Fine."

Harry's eyes widened as if expecting me to decline his persistent invitation yet again, "Seriously?"

"Don't make me change my mind," I warned.

"Of course not. What's your dorm number?"

"221B. You know where that is right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Nine tomorrow."

"Fine," I felt my phone buzz. I knew it was Zayn, " I have to meet someone so I'm going to go now. See you Saturday then. Nine o'clock." I spun around and began trotting off.

"Where something sexy," Harry called after me.

To my surprise, he didn't trail after me like an overbearing shadow. I actually smiled a bit. I have a date! With Harry! I stole a glance back at him to find him already watching me. The heat was already rising to my cheeks and I was on my way.

-  
-

"This one?"

"Nope."

"How about this?"

"Nah"

"This?"

"No."

"Jesus, why is this so difficult?"

Zayn, my best friend and roommate sat on my bed with his boyfriend, Liam. I stood and a pile of clothing I had thrown out of my closet. I truly wanted to look good at this party. I mean, as irksome as this boy is, it's Harry and I kind of like him. I turned back to my half empty closet groaning in the process. I glanced back at the two boys perched on the edge of my bed.

"Maybe something more than 'nope' and 'nah' might help!" I snapped, "I thought you guys we're good at this stuff,"

Zayn, finally deciding to be helpful, got up and dug through the mountainous pile of clothing now on the floor. He fished out a slightly wrinkled graphic tee and threw it at my chest.

"This shirt, those pants, that jacket." He ordered.

"And why didn't you say this earlier?" I inquired whilst trying on this outfit in question. Zayn merely shrugged and returned to his spot beside Liam.

"I don't know, but someone is being touchy." He mumbled.

"Whatever." I shrugged on the jacket completing the look Zayn suggested for me, "So how do I look?"

"Works for me." replied Liam.

"I'd date you." Zayn smirked earning a playful glare from Liam.

"Well that's too bad because you're mine," He pulled Zayn closer to him.

"Ewe, go somewhere else with your fluff." I complained as I checked myself out in the full length mirror beside my closet. Zayn and Liam just laughed at my remark, "What time is it?"

"Um, eight-thirty." came from Liam as he glanced at his wrist-watch.

"Shit, I still need to do my hair," I groaned brushing a few loose strands from my forehead.

"Move along then, mate," Zayn shooed me into the adjacent bathroom.

It was eight-fifty-eight and I was finally fully prepared. I lounged on the couch in the small living room of my dorm scrolling through my messages. When nine o'clock hit, there came a knock at the door. There was no question in who it was. I straightened my jacket and ran my fingers through my hair before making my way to the door. I pulled it open to reveal a grinning Harry on the other side.

"Ready to go, Babe?" He held an arm out to me. I rolled my eyes at the name he always calls me.

"Still not your babe," I countered taking his outstretched arm in spite of myself.

Harry led me to a sleek black car that was parked on the curb. He opened my door for me before climbing in on the driver's side. He kept shooting me cheeky glances as he started up the car and pulled onto the street.

-  
-

HARRY~

I drove up to our desired location to see many cars already there. Many different colored lights flashed in the windows. I could faintly hear the distinct thumps of the bass from the loud music. When Louis and I got closer to the house, voices could be heard and the smell of cheap weed hung in the air. We passed a small group of people rolling blunts on the porch. The front door was already ajar, so I shoved it open fully. The whole house was packed with intoxicated young adults partying to their heart's content. Just my element. I nudged through the dense crowd, Louis trailing, towards the kitchen where I found Niall.

"EYYY 'ARRY MY BROTHA! WAZZUP!" My Irish friend slurred. He tried to hug me but it was more him collapsing into me and me staggering under his drunken weight for a second before I set him upright.

"Mate, you're piss drunk," I laughed at him. Drunk Niall was by far my favorite Niall, "Anyways Louis, Niall, Niall, Louis" I wasted no time on introductions. Niall just smirked at me.

"Oooh, Hazzy's gotten himself a boyfriend!" He teased. Louis was quick to interject.

"Not exactly, no. Just a date, nothing more." Louis assured with finality.

"Haaa whatever you say." And with that Niall staggered off into another room.

"Dance with me," I grabbed Louis' arm, dragging him into the spacey living room of the house.

We spent quite the time moving along to the various beats of many songs. I watched Louis looking like he was having good time. I smiled to myself, pleased that the night was going according to plan. The plan I had so intricately conceived just for this night. I felt my pants pocket making sure the most important part of my scheme was still there. After about two or three more songs, I felt it necessary to carry out stage two.

"Thirsty?" I spoke to Louis over the booming music.

"A bit," He called back to me practically having to shout.

Soon, we were back in the living room, after our trip to the kitchen, dancing the night away, red plastic cups held tightly in our hands. I watched intently as Louis took another swig of his beer. The song playing suddenly changed and Louis' eyes went wide with recognition. He gulped down the rest of his beer as he belted out the lyrics along with many other people in the room. I jumped on the chance eyeing the now empty cup Louis had.

"Want me to get you a refill?" I questioned.

"Nah, I would very much like to stay somewhat sober tonight." He replied, much to my irritation.

"One more drink won't hurt, Babe," I reasoned with him, a smirk on my lips.

"Fine, whatever," He gave in.

"Good boy," I spoke, taking the cup from him.

I was in the kitchen pouring more drinks for the both of us. I glanced around, making sure no sober spectators were watching me before plunging my hand into my pocket. I removed a very small plastic bag containing two white tablets. I opened the bag and dumped them into Louis' drink. I watched them slowly sink to the bottom of the cup with a satisfying sizzle. I swirled my finger around in the drink speeding up the dissolving process of the tablets. After a minute or so, I picked up Louis' cup with my left hand and mine with my right and went back out to the heart of the party.

I shoved through the crowd back to Louis and gave him the cup in my left hand. I grinned as he took a big gulp of his drink. The tablets should be kicking in very soon. As time passed, Louis' actions and speech pattern indicated that he was heavily influenced. My maniacal scheme was going well.

A new song came over the speakers. It was slow with a very strong, bone rattling bass. Partners around us began grinding on each other in time to the beat. I took the opportunity to seize Louis by the waist and bring him close to my body.

We began join in with other couples as we moved slow and sensually to the music. I took another opportunity because of Louis' drunken stupor; I attached my lips to his neck and began sucking harshly. There was definitely gonna be something there in the morning. I was pleased to hear Louis let out a moan. I trialed up his neck, along his jawline, and finally his lips as things got more heated. My tongue was jammed in his, mouth feeling every inch of it. Our hands roamed each other longingly and our hips pressed against each other. Louis leaned back a little and looked at me a glint in his eye.

"I want you." he practically growled. I just smiled.

Plan complete.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis~

 

I could literally hear the sound of my eyelids fluttering open when I awoke. It hurt even to open my eyes, and the blinding sunlight that shone through the curtsins didn't help a bit. I groaned, taking about three minutes to sit upright.

I squinted to scan my surroundings. This was definitely not my dorm-room. It wasn't a dorm-room at all; some random flat. Confused, I glanced down to find myself completely naked. My eyes enlarged. "What the hell happened?" I muttered under my breath.

"Morning, Gorgeous," A raspy voice sounded. I swiftly turned my head (which was a huge mistake and just made it reel even harder) to the source of the noise.

"Harry?" I spoke gruffly.

Blood was pounding against my temples, and it was difficult to process anything. My stomach was killing me, as well. It felt as though I would hydro-pump everywhere, but I was unable to release the substance in my stomach that was causing this intense pain. It just sat there, making me feel extremely awful.

"Nice to see you're still alive, Baby. You've been passed out for some time now," Harry spoke, intensifying the agony.

"Stop talking so loud," I whined.

I peered round in pursuit of my underpants, finding all my clothes strewn along the floor. I outstretched my arm towards my garment, grumbling a demand to Harry, "Hand me my clothes,"

Harry lent against the door-frame of the toilet, granting me a presumptuous smirk, "I'd much rather see you get them yourself,"

I rubbed my forehead and moaned, "Please, just give me my clothes,"

Chuckling, Harry bent down and scooped up my clothes. He tossed them to me, and I stared at him for a moment, expecting him to exit the room. He stood his ground with that smirk on his face, unmoved.

"Harry, I need to put my clothes-" I stopped mid-sentence, feeling like I was going to barf. When the sick feeling passed, I glanced back at Harry. "Will you please give me some privacy?"

Harry shrugged, "Nothing I haven't seen before,"

"What?" I questioned.

Harry merely winked at me, then sauntered out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

I propelled myself off the bed with much trouble, my headache getting worse and worse every time I shifted a centimeter. It was highly difficult and painful, but I pulled on my underpants, skinny jeans, and t-shirt. Every inch of my body hurt immensely, especially my rear-end.

Then it hit me. The hangover, the waking up naked, the literal pain in my ass. Nothing I haven't seen before.

Harry and I...

This is not good.

_

I stumbled down the corridor of Harry's flat, searching for the manipulative bastard. I found him in the kitchen, sipping on a glass of water. A smile spread across his lips when I entered.

"You," I spoke with malice. I angrily grabbed the glass from his stupid hand then drained the cylinder of its contents. I then placed it on the counter and glared at him. "You got me drunk just to shag me, didn't you?"

Harry found this situation very amusing, simpering at me, "You got drunk on your own, Love. You wanted me,"

I groaned, rubbing my head. "I can't remember a thing. And my arse hurts like hell,"

"That would be my fault," Harry admitted, pulling me into his arms and kissing my ear, then almost growled hotly, "You feel so good round me, Lou,"

I winced, "Don't talk so close to my face."

I put my hands on his broad chest and shoved him away. "Will you take me home? I feel like... I feel like I got hit by a large vehicle,"

"Eager to leave your boyfriend so soon, Babe?"

I growled, "You are not my boyfriend. You're just the dick who stole my virginity. Literally,"

Harry just laughed, then picked up his car-keys from the counter. It took far too much energy to yell at him like I wanted to, but I was already pre-planning a rant in the back of my mind. In spite of myself, I hooked arms with Harry an allowed him to lead me to his car. Once in, we began driving off down the street.

I can't even begin to express how majestically wroth I really was at Harry (mostly because I can't even say my own name without my head pounding even harder). I felt exposed; I felt abused. He took advantage of my intoxication and did something that he knew I wouldn't give consent to if sober. He's disgusting. He's despicable.

Harry attempted to engage in conversation with me, but I kept my eyes on the road and my jaw clenched. I was still in a tremendous amount of pain from my hangover, and it was agonizing to sit down.

"Bye, Louis," Harry said to me.

"Go to hell," I spat, hastily exiting the vehicle. I limped up to my door-room, then tossed my feeble body onto the bed. I shut my eyes and immediately fell into a deep slumber.

 

 

"Louis, please speak with me?" Harry begged as I tried to separate myself from him.

I stuck my nose in the air, ignoring him and continuing on my way. He had been trying to get me to talk with him for the last three days since the event. I still feel open.

Catching me by surprise, Harry grasped my wrist and yanked me into a thin archway. He furrowed his eyebrows, pinning me against the wall and speaking through clenched teeth, "Talk to me,"

I felt ferocity rising in my chest. I raised a hand, slapping him firmly across the cheek. "How dare you touch me, you manipulative bastard! I know you've had intercourse countless times, but before you completely destroyed everything for me! I was a virgin, saving myself for someone who actually loves me. So kindly get the hell out of my life."

Harry sighed, features softening and staring at me with remorseful, brilliant green eyes. "I'm sorry, Lou-"

"I don't want to hear it. Leave me alone and go shag someone else."

Harry released me from his grip, I jerked away from him and stomped off.

"I won't give up on you, Louis," Harry called from behind me.

"Then get used to disappointment," I shouted back, continuing on my way.

_

"And he's still trying to befriend you or whatever?" Zayn asked, handing me a mug of tea and seating himself across from me at the infamous cafe where I met my tormentor.

"Yeah, he said he's sorry. I told him to get out of my life," I enlightened him, sipping the hot liquid.

"That bastard has a lot of nerve. He pretty much raped you, y'know,"

"Thank you, Captain Duh," I grumbled.

As we chatted, I felt my pain in my stomach. It was odd; I don't usually get cramps. But it hurt, nonetheless. I rubbed my tummy, groaning.

"What's the matter?"

"I've got a cramp," I answered, scrunching my face as the agony gradually escalated.

Zayn frowned, "I'm sorry, mate."

I shook my head, "It's fine. Ow, anyways, where's Liam?"

Zayn grinned at the mention of his boyfriend's name, "Studying,"

"Loser," I said with a chuckle.

I gasped as the cramp got even worse. I crouched forward, holding my aching stomach. "I don't like this," I whined.

Zayn's placed a comforting hand on my back, "Alright, Lou?"

"Yes, obviously I'm perfect," I shot back ironically.

It took a moment for the pain to subside. I pouted a lip at Zayn, "Can I be you?"

Zayn sighed, shaking his head, "Afraid not, Lou."

"Darn it. Well, I'm extremely tired, so I'm going to head back to the room. That's for hanging out,"

"It's noon, Lou, and you're already tired?" he interrogated, chortling slightly.

I yawned, "Yes, yes I am. See you later,"

"Adios,"

_

The cramps were only the beginning of outlandish occurrences, including morning sickness and abnormal fatigue. I was falling asleep all over the place. I decided to Google my symptoms, to make sure I didn't have a terminal illness.

I scrolled through the feed and the first thing that came up was a link to a web-article titled; "Scared You're Pregnant?"

"Definitely not," I muttered, scrolling down. Time and time again, it told me all those signs pointed to pregnancy. My hearth throbbed when 'Male Pregnancy' showed up. I swallowed, then shut my laptop.

That's obviously rubbish. Male pregnancy isn't possible, and it's not happening to me. I'm probably just ill. I decided to wait it out; and if I didn't get better, I'd go to the doctor's. I'm not pregnant. That's too weird. But I had a bit of self-doubt, however. I did get laid a couple weeks prior. It's possible...

"No!" I shouted to myself.

Thank the Lord I was alone, I probably sounded a bit mad. But I'm not pregnant. That's not possible.

Is it?

 

Harry~

 

I had to get him to talk to me. He can't stay angry with me forever, can he? Sure, what I did was borderline rape, but I could've done worse. At least I waited until he was incoherent.

I just had to get him before someone else did. He had to have been mine. Louis Tomlinson; the boy with the enticing blue eyes, feathery brown hair, and incredibly nice arse. No one else could have him.

It was a clever idea, using the drugs to intoxicate him. By that time it was only too easy to lure him into bed with me. No struggle, no persuading, no mess, no problem. A devious plan, surely. But much more simple then the alternative.

They say that you're a different person when under the influence. I think that's a load of rubbish; intoxication just amplifies what's already there. So, that makes me wonder... Louis was indeed all over me at the party (although he was drugged). The question in the back of my head beckons the possibility of there being some attraction from Louis' end of our relationship.

I was pulled from my thoughts when he walked by, those tight jeans clinging perfectly to the curves on his body. I spent a moment scanning my eyes up and down his lower half. Is he doing that on purpose?

I dismissed the thought, pursuing the younger boy. "Good day, Lou,"

Louis' features immediately became cold at the sound of my voice. He ignored me and continued stomping down the pathway, me trailing close behind. I attempted time and time again to provoke a reaction from Louis, but he simply would not budge.

"What is your problem?" I finally spoke in exasperation.

Louis ceased his movement, his back still to me. But when he turned round, his expression did not appear to be overjoyed.

"What's my problem?" He echoed through clenched teeth.

I nodded in confirmation. His stubborn abhor towards me was highly unjustified.

"My problem, You narcissistic, egotistical, manipulative, conniving, heartless, selfish bastard, is that not only did you take advantage of me by stealing my virginity, but you're still trying to converse with me as if you didn't do anything wrong!" Louis exclaimed.

I sighed, "You know, I think you're being a bit dramatic about this situation. Yes, it happened and I technically took advantage of you, but it was nearly two weeks ago. I say we should allow ourselves to move passed it and get on with our relationship, Babe,"

"For the last time I am not your babe! We have no relationship! I hate you. Leave. Me. Alone,"

I didn't stop him when he spun around and stormed away from me. I didn't protest, or shout after him, or call to him, or plead or whine or beg. I let him leave me standing like a blubbering idiot on the pavement.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

That simple statement. That one little series of small words strewn together, used by small children towards their parents when they don't want to eat their vegetables, used by friends in fights, used by adults who don't mean it. A common phrase, a common word. "I hate people like that!" "I hate it when people do that!" "I hate the smell of that!" "I hate this," "I hate that,"

I hate you.

Hearing those words escape Louis' lips and travel from my ears to my brain, being processed consecutively, completely crushed me.

It was strange. My stomach did a flip-flop and my heart throbbed like it does when a loud noise like a drum-beat blasts through the air. I felt nervous, and shaky, and plain out awful. I immediately wanted to fix things with him, so he wouldn't hate me. I wanted to travel back in time and tell myself to behave differently towards him.

But I have no time-machine. No way of getting that boy to accept my apology. And no way to cease his loathing towards me. I was fucked. Screwed over by my own selfish actions.

I am a narcissistic, egotistical, manipulative, conniving, heartless, selfish bastard. I made a kind, lovely, funny, sweet, caring, outgoing, wonderful person like Louis hate me.

Guilt.

That's what this was. It must be; although I hadn't experienced this emotion in a very long time. Nonetheless, I felt remorse for what I had done to Louis. I usually don't care at all; sauntering around, shagging people because it feels good, lying, stealing, cheating, manipulating all to get things I want. I never thought badly of myself until Louis came along.

Louis Tomlinson; the boy with the enticing blue eyes, feathery brown hair, and incredibly nice arse. The boy who made me feel guilty.

I have to fix this.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis~

 

"Mate, go to a doctor, this is three days in a row," Zayn spoke as I had emerged from the toilet after emptying my stomach of all contents yet again.

I sighed, wiping my mouth and frowning, "I will, I will. I've probably caught something."

"Want me to drive you? I haven't got any classes today," Zayn offered.

I tugged on a fresh t-shirt and trousers, "I guess."

"Alright, give me about twenty minutes," Zayn hopped up and stepped into the toilet. Before shutting the door, he regarded me, "Try not to vomit on anything?"

I rolled my eyes, "Just take a bloody shower,"

_

"What seems to be the trouble, Louis?" The doctor inquired, pulling up a chair and taking the weight off his feet.

"I've been having loads of weird symptoms lately; morning sickness, cramps, and I'm extremely tired all the time. Almost like I'm narcoleptic," I explained to the middle-aged man with slicked back jet-black hair.

He hummed, then proceeded to do a few tests on me. The final test was to wee into a cup (which is utterly disgusting, but I'm not a doctor). After that, I was sat in the doctor's room with a snoring Zayn, waiting for him to enter and tell me what the bloody hell is going on.

"Zayn," my voice cut through the air in a demanding tone.

When that didn't arouse him, I threw my foot at his shin and kicked it hard. With an over-dramatic ow, Zayn arose and granted me a hard glare, "Don't kick me, you twat,"

I endured a few angry slaps on the arm before the doctor entered again. We ceased the smack-fight immediately and regained our composure.

The doctor referred to his clipboard before beginning his sentence, "Well, Mr. Tomlinson. Before I give you the news, I have a question; have you had intercourse with a male in the past month?"

Thoughts of Harry flashed painfully in my mind. My expression hardened, but I nodded my head yes. The doctor sighed and plopped down onto his spinney-chair again.

"Well, it seems that you are pregnant."

Everything stopped. My heart, the world spinning round the axis, Zayn, the doctor.

Everything.

I didn't believe it at first. How could I, a man, possibly get pregnant? It's impossible. It's unnatural. "That's not even remotely possible; tell me what's actually wrong with me."

The doctor lifted an eyebrow, as if challenged, "The diagnosis is pregnancy, Mr. Tomlinson. Would you like to run a confirmation test?"

"As a matter of fact, I would. This is bloody ridiculous,"

So, a confirmation test they ran. And, so pregnant I was.

How? Why me? I'm just a 19 year-old uni kid I can't have a baby! I can't have a baby mostly because I'm a man, for crying out loud!

This was dreadful. I shoved my face in my hands when reality set it.

I am pregnant. There is a living fetus growing inside of me. And it's his.

Harry Styles. I have Harry Styles' baby inside of me. This was his fault. I'm pregnant because of him.

Anger burned inside me like a furious fire, rising higher and higher in temperature the more and more I thought of Harry. I wanted to sink my teeth into something. I wanted to cry out in frustration, but I couldn't. My shock was greater than my anger.

So I sat; face in hands and a million thoughts rushing through my mind, pounding against my veins and causing me to have an intense headache. I wanted to cry, yell, hiss, fight, scream. But I couldn't even utter actual words.

What words would a lad utter if he's just been told he's pregnant? Trick question; lads don't get pregnant. Yet here I am, some kind of freak of nature with a penis and a uterus or whatever the hell else I have.

My brain was throbbing, expanding my skull it felt like. I was dizzy, dazed, confused, angry, and unstable.

I am pregnant. There is a living fetus growing inside of me. And it's his.

_

The doctor prescribed me some special medicine for my 'unorthodox situation', which was basically saying, 'Here's your freak-pills'.

That's what I am; a freak. That's what I'd see every time I look into the mirror. That's what I'll think of every time I close my eyes.

All because of Harry Styles.

I don't actually think it's possible to detest some one quite as much as I do Harry. This is his fault. I hope he falls into a sewer, breaks his legs, and gets slowly eaten by over sized rats.

I hate him.

I have never truly loathed another human being, but I hate that arrogant asshole who destroyed my life. Now I'm sitting through an awkwardly silent car ride with my best mate.

"Lou?"

"Yes?" I managed, still jumbled up in my thoughts.

"I'm really sorry about this whole thing... But I'm here for you, mate. Anything you need."

I smiled, "Thanks, Zayn. That meas a lot."

"I'll also get Liam to beat up Styles if you want,"

"Make sure to send me a video," I added, laying against the head rest, attempting to calm my over-active nerves. I was practically convulsing at this point.

We finally made it back to the dorm, where Zayn dropped me off.

"You sure you'll be alright, Lou?" Zayn interrogated as I began opening the car door.

I gave him a weak nod, "I'll be fine. Tell Liam I said hi, will you?"

"Of course. Take care,"

With that, I hopped out of the vehicle and began slowly ambling to the dorm. My stomach seemed to reel even harder, knowing that there was something inside of it. That thought alone was odd; There is a living human being inside of my stomach. Kind of an odd, amazing concept; whether you're a boy or girl.

Once in the cozy space, I shut the door and took out my mobile phone. I let Zayn go and be with his boyfriend even though I really need to speak with someone. I'm not one who does well with something on my chest.

I dialed Mum's number and pressed the iPhone to my ear, waiting to hear her voice on the other line.

"Hey, Lou," Mum greeted.

By this time the waterworks were going again. "Hi, Mum," I replied, sniffling.

"Are you crying? What's going on?"

My sobs competed with my voice, struggling to be heard. I finally managed, "I need to tell you something."

"Anything, Love, just please calm down," She pleaded in a soothing tone.

As my hiccuping and bawling subsided, I proceeded to enlighten my mother on the information I received today paired with the Harry dilemma. It was hard to retell every detail of the controversy without my voice cracking.

"Oh, Lou, I'm so sorry. That Harry boy is lucky I'm not down there to kick his arse." Mom replied to my story, making me chuckle.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, I'm here in uni with Zayn who's always with Liam and there is no way in hell I would ever let Harry round our child. I have no idea how to care for a baby on my own and juggle all my classes at once, so what do I do with myself?"

"It is a very difficult situation, Lou. Maybe give it up for adoption?"

I frowned, "But I've always wanted a kid. What if it's a boy?"

"Then you will be a father to a beautiful son. But, as it's father you, need to do what's best for the baby, and if you aren't a suitable guardian then give him to someone who is." Mum cautioned.

"You're right... I just hate to give my child away. How the baby was created isn't ideal, but it's still mine..."

"Well, the decision is initially your's, and I support whatever you decide."

I grinned, "Thank you. It's really nice to hear that... But I'm mostly concerned about my pregnancy. I'm not exactly prepared to be waltzing about with a ginormous stomach. How am I going to cope with this?"

"Well, if you need advice or just need to vent I'm always a phone-call away. Alright?"

"Alright," I muttered into the telephone. This whole thing was eating me alive.

"Also, don't stress out too much. That is the worst thing you can do in this situation. Understand? Just relax,"

"This isn't really a thing where I can just relax, Mum. I can't roll with the waves if I have crippling stomach pains mid-lecture. People will think I'm a freak!"

"Well, screw them, to be honest. You're probably much better than they'll ever dream of being, and I mean that. You're just different, alright? Don't let that bother you. And remember, you were blessed with the ability to carry a child!" I could tell she was trying to make me feel better. It worked to an extent.

"It's more like a curse, frankly," I grumbled.

"Well, your life will go on no matter what you do. You can either take this experience, learn from it and become stronger, or let it stress you out and make you miserable."

I huffed, "Stop being right all the time,"

Mum giggled a bit, "Hey, I'm a mother. It's kind of what we do."

"Right, Mum, my mobiles about to die. Thank you so much for speaking with me,"

"Anytime, Lou. I love you,"

"Love you lots, Mum. Tell the girls I said hi,"

"Will do,"

I hung up and plugged my mobile into the charger. I laid back on the mattress and rubbed my stomach softly. "We're in for a tough ride, Little Tommo."

 

Harry~

 

I'm new at this remorse thing, and I can assure you that I have not been missing out. It's a horrible agony that completely consumed my entire being with a feverish feelings, making me question myself. I'm very aware that I have zero integrity, but I've never cared until now.

And it was all Louis' fault. Why does he have to be so damn cute?

I was determined to right the wrongs I've made with Louis. Surely he'd give in eventually. I staggered down to the cafe where I had first encountered Louis with my hands shoved into the pockets of my jacket, attempting to shield my skin from the nippy breeze.

On entering the cafe, it was like a paradox moment. My mind had a bit of a dramatic flash-back as I glanced over to see the beautiful boy sitting at the exact same table, scribbling things down onto a paper. I couldn't cease the smile that crept onto my lips.

I roamed over to the circular, wooden table and plopped down on the seat across from Louis. I watched as a moment passed; he didn't even glance up once.

"Lou, may I please speak with you?" I spoke in a calm tone; trying my best not to be my arrogant, demanding self.

Louis offered no reply to my request. He continued transferring information from a text-book to a notepad, paying me no mind. I cleared my throat, "Louis. Will you talk to me?"

No bloody reply.

After a few more times of this, the sentiment of desperation set in. I pleaded yet again, "Louis, please just talk to me, I'm sorry,"

Louis didn't open his mouth, or lift his gaze at all. I was feeling completely hopeless when this big speech poured out of me. I don't remember exactly what I was even on about, but I can imagine my rambling went a bit like this;

"Listen, I know you'll never forgive me because what I did was absolutely dreadful and I frankly don't deserve forgiveness. But, I genuinely like you, Louis, loads. Loads more than I have ever liked anyone and I don't want to let a wonderful person like you go. I know you're going to think I'm just trying to manipulate you again, but I can assure the sincerity in my words. May I tell a thousand lies, this will always be the truth; you're the loveliest person I have ever had the distinct honor of meeting and I'll never forget you and your beautiful blue eyes that outshine any star any night. If you could find some forgiveness in your heart for me, then I promise you will not regret it,"

This caught his eyes. He peered up from his work with glossy eyes, "You don't even know half of what you did to me, Harry. I don't want anything to do with you. Just go away and leave me alone forever."

"As you wish,"

With that, I stood up and exited the building, feeling empty. Not the kind of empty that I'm used to, where I'm emotionless towards all situations, but the kind of emptiness that slowly eats away your heart. Eventually it deteriorates and there's nothing left but a small sliver, just enough for survival to suffice.

I didn't understand why Louis Tomlinson had such a massive effect on me, physically but more so emotionally. That glorious smile of his made my heart-rate increase, and his sad eyes tugged on my damaged heart-strings. Feeling his skin against mine caused an electric wave to course through my veins and ignite my soul. Louis Tomlinson sets me of fire, but my stupidity and disgusting behavior extinguished the blaze.

One thing I didn't like about Louis is that he made me blame myself for things that were my fault. Before him, I stole from the local shop; the world's fault. I fornicated many various people I don't even know the name of; the world's fault. I beat the shit out of someone; the world's fault.

I deceived and took advantage of the innocent Louis Tomlinson; my fault.

My fault.

I struggled so much with that concept. So much it burned, and destroyed me inside and out. It reduced me to hot tears, which I quickly wiped off my cheeks as I plodded down the pavements; broken and more alone than ever.


	5. Chapter 5

Louis~

It's been a month since I found out this thing was inside me. I pulled my duvet tighter around me as I pondered everything that was happening to me. My life was going to shit. I'm going to be stuck with a bloody baby in seven months!

I glanced at my clock. It was only eight and I decided I wanted some chocolate. I climbed out of my bed and grabbed my jacket off my bedpost. I slipped on my Vans before quietly exiting my dorm.

I slowly walked up and down the aisles of the corner store that was near my dorm, going though the seemingly endless supply of candy they had. I hummed to myself as i tried to push all my problems away. Even for just two seconds.

I grabbed a couple chocolate bars and tossed them in my cart. I took a few step backwards.

"Hey!"

I spun around to face the stranger I had bumped into, "Sorry." I mumbled and began walking in the opposite direction. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I know you." Said the stranger, "You're the bloke who came to my party with my mate Harry."

I took a shaky breath and gave the guy a half smile, "Y-yeah."

"You might not remember me, but the name's Niall. Niall Horan. Nice to see ya again!" He reached out to shake my hand and we shook. Suddenly his expression turned sort of serious and Niall stepped closer to me, "I don't mean to pry but what happened between you two? You seemed fine then 'bout a month later I see him storming around going on about how he ruined your life."

"Does he now?" I felt somewhat satisfied about Harry.

"All the time. He's like a completely different person I've never seen him so heartbroken. Trust me, he likes you. I don't know what he did but maybe you ought to talk to him." Niall shrugged.

"I'll talk to him when I want to talk to him. He- He's put me in a bit of a situation, if you must. I don't think I'll be making contact with him for a long while." I think I came across more harsh than intended seeing Niall shrink back a little.

"Right, see you around I guess" Niall nodded at me.

"Bye then." I refused to meet his eyes a bit ashamed of my behavior. I watched Niall leave the aisle and round the corner. Everything he said weighed heavily on my mind. The last thing I need right now more things on my mind. I sighed heavily then begin to make my way to check out.

-

I walked back into mine and Zayn's dorm with my bag full of chocolate bars and candy. I just needed to relax and clear my mind. They say stress isn't good for my condition. I shuffled past the small kitchen and saw Liam rummaging around, "Hey Liam," I mumbled.

"Hey Lou." Liam nodded to me in greeting.

I continued to drag my feet as I trekked on to my room. I saw Zayn's door slightly ajar. I knocked before pushing the door open to reveal Zayn sitting on his bed texting. He looked up from his phone screen at me.

"What's up?"

"Everything." I groaned, "My life has gone to shit because of that douche bag and a one night stand." My voice cracked near the end of my sentence and tears I didn't even know I was keeping in began to leak out the corners of my eyes, "I just don't know what i'm gonna do Zayn!" I put my face in my hands, " I saw Niall, the guy whose party we went to that night. He told me Harry was heart broken and upset. Does he even have the right? He doesn't know the half of what he did to me he has no fucking right!"

Zayn, being the fantastic friend he is, just listened to me vent. He pulled me into a hug while I began to cry again, "I'm only nineteen! My first year at university! And now I'm pregnant with a fucking baby and I just don't know!" I let the sobs wrack my body. I did'nt understand where all this emotion was coming from. I let Zayn hold me as I cried and whisper words of comfort in my ear.

We sat like that for a while before I calmed down enough to go to my own room. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. Zayn took me by the shoulders,"You're gonna be alright. In the end it's gonna be alright. We'll get through this together one day at a time. You're my best mate and I'm right here if you need anything."

"Thanks Zayn." I said as I slid off the side of his bed and made to leave. I was shutting the door and stepped out into the hallway only to be face to face with Liam who had a shocked expression on his face. His eyes flickered down to my stomach and back to my face a few times, "Did you hear any of that?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Uh-um You wern't exactly quiet." Liam replied awkwardly, 'So, uh, you're p-pregnant?"

I looked down at the floor,"Yeah, problem?"

"No! No no no," He said quickly,"Not at all. Just,ah, a bit surprising, ya know?"

"I guess." I grumbled.

"Alright then. Hey, It's probably hard for you right now I can tell. Just stay strong, yeah?" Liam patted my back gently and brushed past me into his boyfriends room.

I went to bed that night with bit less of a burden on my heart.

-

I hugged my books to my chest as I headed to my next class. Even though he did as I asked and left me alone, I would still see Harry around just as always. He'd be at a nearby table while I ate lunch. We'd catch each others eyes a few times but that would be it. He'd hang around that big tree near the lecture hall where my psychology class was. The same tree he asked me out by. Sometimes I'd see him at the cafe when I went to to study. He kept his distance but I could tell he wanted to talk. I wasn't ready for that though. I was still angry at him for everything he did. And it was one of those days where he was hanging around when. He tried to approach me again. I was eating lunch at the usual table I sat at.

"Um- excuse me." A deep raspy voice came from behind me. I clenched my jaw and nothing else, "L-Louis."

I refused to turn around and continued to chew the last bites of my salad, "Louis please."

I put my trash on my tray and stood up,"Gimme one second just; one second to talk." I crossed the courtyard to find a trash bin. I shook the junk off my tray and placed the tray on top, "Please please."

I turned and there he was. I put my hands up to stop myself from running into him and froze for a when they landed on his chest. My gaze fell upon his green eyes looking intently down at my smaller frame. My breath hitched. I shook my head and pushed him away from me.

"No. No, I'm not doing this, nope." I stalked away leaving a flustered Harry looking like he was gonna say something to me. He began to follow again and I sharply spun on my heel to face his direction, "I thought I told you to leave me alone forever. Whatever the petty excuse you have for me, save it. Get out of my life. What in that do you not understand? I don't want you near me." My teeth were clenched tight. To my delight Harry backed off his shoulders sinking and his face dropping. I know I'll have to deal with him eventually considering I'm carrying his child but not now.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry~

_"Promise me one thing, Harry?" he whispered to me, encasing my hand in his smaller one, smiling beautifully up at me with a hopeful gleam in those gorgeous blue eyes._

_"Anything,"_

_"We'll be together always? And we'll move somewhere amazing together that's not as boring as Cheshire," he requested with a chortle._

_"Of course we will. And of course we can," I spoke back, tittering with him._

_"Good. I love you," "I love you, too. With all of my heart,"_

_"You sure know how to make a lad feel special, don't you, Styles?" he laid his head on my lap, and I embedded my fingers in his soft, black hair._

_I shrugged, "I guess I know a thing or two,"_

_He chuckled at me, leaning in closer. But his expression shifted as he neared my face. He whispered in a low tone-almost a hiss. "It was your fault,"_

_Before I could do anything to stop it, he burst into flames right before my eyes. His entirety was engulfed in red and orange as I kicked at the ground, backing as far away as I could as his melting corpse stumbled towards me, arms outstretched and continuing to repeat the same venomous words consecutively._

_"I was your fault, it was your fault, it was your fault," Tears streamed down my face as I begged for forgiveness as I had so many times. I begged for the fire to cease, I begged not to be harmed._

But _his body was still ablaze, and his beautiful blue eyes only reflected the burning-_

 

I woke with a start, drenched in sweat, breathing erratically.

I scanned the room for a torched kid as my chest rose and fell rapidly. I only gasped louder when Niall came barreling though the door with a vexed expression on his baby-face.

"Alright, lad?"

I allowed my body to go slack against the head-board. I weakly nodded, "Just a nightmare,"

"Jesse again?"

I wiped my brow of perspiration, breathing out a remorseful 'yes' for confirmation. Frowning, Niall stumbled over to my bedside, relieving his feet from his weight.

"I'm sorry, Harry. You have to let that go, yeah? There wasn't a thing you could've done. These nightmares are freaking me out,"

"Yeah, they're freaking me out, too, mate. But I deserve it, alright? I could've been there. I could've stopped it-"

"Hazz, you were at school, there's no way you could have possibly stopped the-"

"It is my fault, Niall, and you know it! Admit it!"

"I'm not admitting shit. This is about that Tomlinson kid, isn't it?"

I swallowed hard, pushing the duvet off my legs and walking to my bathroom. With Niall hot on my heels, he wouldn't allow me to enter the door.

"Talk to me, Hazz! You're like my brother, man, and I'm worried sick about you. This is the Louis thing, isn't it? You're feeling guilty for what you did and now you're having these nightmares about Jesse again," Niall was working up his own sweat at this point. "It's not heathy,"

"There's nothing I can do to stop these damned nightmares! Nothing! They come and go regardless of Louis, but feeling this shitty about what happened triggered them. I haven't felt all remorseful since that day. I haven't felt anything since that day, and now Louis comes along with those beautiful blue eyes and that perfect smile that's even more perfect than Jess' was and it's like he's making my heart beat again. I don't like it,'

Niall just grinned at me, "You love Louis,"

I knit my eyebrows together, shaking my head, "I don't love anyone."

"You totally love Louis Tomlinson, don't deny it,"

"I'll never know because I fucked his life up. Just like with Jess. My full-on-love approach ended poorly, and my don't-let-yourself-get-attached was shit, too. It doesn't matter how I feel about Louis, I screwed up and he hates me. And he wants me out of his life." I let out a deep breathe and covered my face with my hands after collapsing back onto the bed.

Niall exhaled, "Yeah, Hazz, you screwed up pretty bad. I mean, stealing the lad's virginity is pretty nasty. But it's not going to be amended if you spend all day laying on your arse and feeling sorry for yourself,"

I shot up again, and spat defensively, "I tried to speak with Louis, but he doesn't want a bloody thing to do with me. I ruined him; stole his innocence and his happiness. You know he was happy, Niall. He was happy and carefree and mischievous. But this selfish bastard right here destroyed that. I did the opposite this time. I extinguished his fire."

Niall stared at me for a moment, unable to respond. He sighed, and clapped his hand onto my shoulder, looking at me with pity in his eyes. I hated that. "I'm sorry, mate,"

I hated it. Being pitiful. Because that's what I am. I need fresh air. I need a cigarette-no, no, just fresh air.

But I can't move.

But I can't breathe.

Good, I thought. You don't deserve to breathe, you son of a bitch.

 

Louis~

Zayn finally came through as the best friend he's supposed to be, driving me to a from places and ignoring Liam for the first time in three bloody years. Don't get me wrong, I love Liam and Zayn to death, but them being all over one another all the time can become slightly taxing. And it's just another bitter reminded that I don't have a boyfriend. And I can't have a boyfriend because of this damned thing growing inside my stomach.

I turned the stereo up real loud as we sat through the London traffic. We were traveling home from my four-month check-up at the doctor's. I hated my doctor. So much so that I can't even remember his name. He's a dick, and he makes me feel even worse about being a pregnant man. I turned to Zayn.

"I want to visit a different doctor from here on."

Zayn fiddled with the knob on his radio until the volume subsided, "What was that?"

"I want a different doctor," I repeated, "This one's rude and he's testing my patience."

Zayn started to chuckle, "He's testing your patience because you're a patient."

I rolled my eyes, "Good one, Kevin Hart. But, I'm serious."

"Alright, alright, I'll see if we can find a new one if we even move more then six centimeters per hour," Zayn announced before slamming his hand against the car-horn. It blared until some old woman screamed for his to stop being an unrepeatable word.

I chuckled, "Grandma's fierce,"

"Tell me about it. Don't you have anything better to do besides screaming at a twenty-year-old, like feed your thirty cats?" He shouted, loud enough for her to hear. She flipped him off. I was in hysterics.

The rest of the drive home was Zayn and I cracking dumb jokes just like old times. It was good for at least one thing to remain normal when my entire world was shifting around me.

When we were done laughing like drunkards and we rolled into the designated parking space for our dorm-room, I peered at Zayn, finally blurting out a question that's been on my mind for a full month now, "Do you think I'm doing the right thing by ignoring Harry?"

Zayn creased his eyebrows, "That's completely down to you, mate. If you're ready for that, I don't see why you couldn't speak with him, I mean. He is kind of the father of Little Tommo. But the most important thing is that you take the time you need to recover."

I sighed, running my fingers through my greasy hair. I needed a shower, "You know, I don't even mind the idea of Harry being the one to take my virginity... But the way he did it, I just... I wish he would've been nice. Taken me out on a real date, told me I'm cute and said he liked my hair, told me he loved me, made love to me. I wish it was like that."

Zayn nodded, "Me too, lad. Me too. Harry's a nasty son of a bitch."

I began thinking hard about Harry. I hated him, yes. What he did to me is despicable and now I'm walking around like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior. I feel like a freak and it's all his fault.

But there's another part of me that feels horrible every time I see the glint of sadness in his emerald eyes. And part of my heart throbs when he stumbles round like a lost puppy. He looks so depressed; so sad.

Most of me wants him to be feel terrible; just like I do. I want him to suffer. Call me seditious, but wouldn't you want the person who ended you like before it even began to suffer as much as you do?

_

I whistled a random tune as I strode down the pavement of the pavilion. My beautiful high-pitched noises came to a halt when I saw a blood-bath mere meters before me.

Harry was wasting this lad that I'd recognized from my sociology class. Rock-hard fists were pounded into the face of the ginger kid, who was desperately trying to retaliate. Harry easily over-powered the kid with swift precision and simply immense strength.

I remembered that Harry's arms were like cannons, which just contributed to the artillery that his body was. He was dominating. And I don't know what Ginger did, but I do know that if no one stepped in, the next time we'd see him is six-feet wide and seven-feet under.

"Harry, stop it!" I yelled, grabbing the back of his black t-shirt and attempting to pry him off the kid's battered body.

"No," he rasped with a shocking amount of anger in his deep voice. I gulped down my fear and refused to back down.

"C'mon, Harry, you're killing him! Stop it, you idiot!"

This provoked little reaction from him as he blindly attempted to wriggle from my hold and attack the now retreating ginger. Harry's heavy breathing continued even when his flailing stopped as he watched the kid nearly fly away. I loosened my grip from around his waist and stared daggers at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded.

Harry wiped the blood that was oozing from his bottom lip away, still trying to find a proper breathing pattern. He plunged his cut-up hand into his back pocket, winching when the open wounds came into contact with the dark denim. He pulled out a piece of crumpled up note-book paper and handed it to me, still not breathing a word.

I snatched it from his grasp harshly, opening it and squinting to read the penciled writing;

'Have you seen Tomlinson? Looks like he's got a baby bump. I swear that kid's a freak, always has been. Don't talk to the faggot.'

My heart throbbed as I read and reread the note. Hurtful. I peered up from the paper, locking eyes with Harry's sorrowful green ones.

"Where did you find this?" I inquired sullenly.

Harry cleared his throat, "The pig was passing it round, and I got hold of it. I lost it.."

I sniffled, crumbling up the paper and tossing it aside. I nodded, turning slightly while uttering, "Thanks for your concern, but please don't beat people up anymore. I can take care of myself."

"As you wish,"

I took a last glance at the broken Harry before trotting off yet again. He had stood up for me. Not only had he stood up for me, he nearly took someone's life just because they said something rude about me.

Maybe he does really care about me...

_

"Oh, excuse me," I muttered, bumping into yet another person at the grocery store.

"My bad! Sorry," a girl with cartoon-ish brown eyes and blonde hair responded, bending over and retrieving the basket I had dropped, granting me a disbelieving look, "That is a lot of chocolate,"

I chortled nervously, "Yeah, uh, sort of craving it,"

"I know how you feel. My dumb-ass boyfriend knocked me up, and now I have the weirdest kind of food that I want. Yesterday it was pickles with peanut butter,"

"Oh my gosh, that happened to you, too? I thought I was mad," I replied humorously.

"So, are you pregnant? S'alright if you were. I have two dads, I understand."

I sighed, nodding, "Yeah. Jerk kind of raped me,"

She gasped, "Wow, I'm really sorry! You know, I have quite a lot of knowledge on male pregnancy. I could help you out, give you advice. You seem nice. Meet up at the cafe down the street tomorrow?"

I grinned at her, "That'd be lovely,"

"Great," she smiled widely. "I'm Hadley,"

"Louis," I replied, shaking her hand.

"Pleasure. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"See ya," I called after her. I muttered under my breath, "Well she's very friendly,"


	7. Chapter 7

Louis~

The bells above the door to the cafe jingled as I stepped across the threshold. I adjusted my over sized jumper over my eighteen week bump which was becoming gradually more prominent. Rumors were already being passed around which made me even more self-conscious.

I ducked my head low and scanned the area for Hadley. I wrapped my arms around my body as I pushed through a small crowd of people waiting for their order. I felt stirs in my tummy from the baby moving around inside me. He or She still haven't kicked yet, but I wasn't that concerned. I spotted Hadley in a corner booth with two steaming mugs on the table. We made eye contact and she smiled brightly.

"Hi, Louis!' She said standing to greet me.

"Hi, Hadley." I replied with a slight grin on my face. We slid into the booth sitting opposite from each other. One of the mugs were nudged in my direction.

"I decided to get us some tea if you don't mind." Hadley was adding sugar to her own cup.

"Not at all, thanks," I reached for a packet of sugar for myself. We sat in an awkward silence. I sipped my tea, not really sure what to do. Hadley leaned back with a huff.

"Alright, none of this awkward stuff. Tell me about yourself," She leaned forward, intent on getting me to break the tension.

"I, uh, grew up in Doncaster with my mum, step-dad and four younger sisters and my best friend Zayn. And then I came up to London for Uni with Zayn. I guess there's not much to tell.." I trailed off.

"Ok, ok cool. I grew up right here in Westminster. Natural born Londoner right here!" She chuckled slightly, "Just me, my brother and our dads. Yeah, my dad had both of us. I went to college where you are now, found me a boyfriend, moved in with him. One crazy night and a broken condom and here I am three months gone. If it's not too touchy for you, how'd you get up the duff?" It was a somewhat innocent question but it caused me to tense up nonetheless.

Suddenly my tea became really interesting and I watched small bubbles rise to the surface. I knew I couldn't just leave Hadley Hanging. "Um Well-"

"It's ok you don't have to tell me."

"No, it's fine. So, this lad, Harry, had been hitting on me and I kept shooting him down. Then one day he asked me to a party off campus and I decided to give him a chance. We got really drunk- well, I did at least- and he took advantage of me and my virginity. About a month later I was getting what I know was morning sickness and I went to the doctor and found out. I've only told my mum, Zayn and his boyfriend, Liam, who accidentally found out. Harry doesn't know and, frankly, I don't want him to," I sniffed loudly feeling the oncoming wave of fresh tears., "I just really don't know what to do. God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be venting to a near stranger I just-" I stopped rambling as a tear rolled down my cheek and here we go again just like my tear fest I had with Zayn.

"It's fine. You're fine," Hadley soothed she had sat down next to me with a warm smile on her face. Her arm snaked around my shoulders and gave them a squeeze. And it was nice. We sat like that just talking about things. Just causally; like I wasn't four and a half months pregnant and I was just chilling like a normal college student should. It felt good just to forget for a while.

 

Harry~

I smoothed out the crumpled paper I took from that kid I beat up. The scratchy writing was etched into my brain- more like two words: baby bump. I continued to stare at the paper the two words standing out like a light in a dark room. The cogs began to turn in my head as I read the phrase over and over.

Baby bump.

Some of Louis' words began to come back to me.

"You don't even know half of what you did to me..."

What did I do? What the hell did I do? I know I took his virginity and the way I did it was just inexcusable. Baby bump...come to think of it, he has packed on a few. Baby? Bump? Did I get Louis pregnant? Is that the 'other half?' Is that even possible? I pulled out my phone quickly and looked up my suspicions and holy fucking shit it's possible and holy fucking shit did I do that to him?

I collapsed back on the small sofa I'd been sitting on, trying to process my recent discoveries. I shot out of my chair and scrambled to the door. I needed to find Louis.

-

I jogged around the courtyard of our college campus eyes darting about in search of the one who might possibly be carrying my child at this very moment in time. Once he was nowhere to be found I wracked my brain trying to remember where his dorm was. 221 something wasn't it? 221C? 221D? 221B? Yes that's it. 221B. I picked up speed and ran towards Louis' dorm.

I arrived there and saw him fumbling with his keys at the lock. I began to walk briskly towards him.

"Louis," I called to him in a demanding tone. He glanced up at me and his expression hardened.

"Go away," he muttered irritably. He had successfully unlocked the door and stepped inside quickly shutting the door. At least that's what he tried to do. I managed to get a foot in between the door frame and the door. I winced at the pain surging through my foot but that wasn't important right now.

"Louis," I spoke much more gingerly now, "Please speak to me." He tried to close the door but my strength overpowered his and I forced it back open.

"No. Get away from me." He said roughly.

"No. I need to know something just answer me this." He stared at me with a steely gaze.

"Fine what."Louis continued to stare me down. I gulped hard before speaking.

"A- are you pregnant?" His eyes grew wide and panic flashed across his face momentarily.

"No, why would you think that," Louis spat back a little too quickly. He tried again to shove me but I stayed put, "Just g-go away." His voice was growing shaky.

He plowed his hands into my chest again, this time knocking me off balance. Before he could go back inside anything else I reached for his arm on a whim and pulled him toward me.

"Louis I-" He had stumbled forward and into me. I felt something round and definitely not Louis' normal tummy pressing against my stomach and my breathing nearly stopped. He didn't move and neither did I. I then felt a nudge- just barely on my abdomen. I could feel Louis tense under my hand which was still holding on to his forearm. My heart leaped to my throat as I choked out a few words,"Is that.." The rest of my sentence faded into thin air. My grip on Louis slackened and my fingers brushed his arm as they fell limp to my sides. I took a moment to focus on Louis' face but it was difficult as his head was bowed.

Finally after what seemed like ages Louis managed to speak,"Yes. It's exactly what you think. No need in hiding now." He whispered. I stepped back giving Louis some space. I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm so, so sorry Louis. You were right I've ruin your life in more ways than one an-" Louis put a hand on my shoulder.

"Save it Harry. I don't want nor need your pity. I think it's time for you to go." He mumbled quietly. He turned to go inside.

"Louis one more thing?" I asked feebly. Louis sighed,"Can I have your number? We can maybe talk about this later, yeah?"

"Put yours in mine" He handed me his phone from his pocket after unlocking it. I did as asked then gave him the phone back.

I took one last look at Louis who still refused to meet my eyes,"Well, see you around then." Louis didn't answer and retreated into his dorm with a hand on his stomach giving me a slight pang in my chest at the sight.

I shoved my hands into my pockets as I left the dorms and headed across the campus to my own. My heart was racing; my head was pounding and I didn't know what to do. I just positively ruined his life and my life and everything I can even cherish anymore. Just the opposite of King Midas. Everything I touch turns to shit. All I've ever been able to do is leave a trail of destruction in my wake. I plan to help Louis out but how's that gonna work? A freaking kid! God only knows how bad I'm gonna mess that up.

I arrived at my own place and unlocked the door. I ambled inside looking around at everything for no apparent reason. I shuffled past the sitting room ignoring Niall's greetings as he watched the Manchester United game on the television. He turned to look at me with concern but I continued on to my bedroom.

I collapsed on my queen sized mattress with a loud groan, my brain still struggling to process all the information that had just been given to me. I was so inside myself I didn't even realize the door creaking open and Niall slipping inside. I felt the bed dip next to me and saw Niall looming beside me.

"Alright mate?" Niall inquired.

"M'fine" I murmured burying my face in a pillow.

"No your not don't even try pulling that on me. I've known you for years Haz I'm immune"

"I said I'm fine!' I snapped. Niall blinked at me.

"God everybody's so harsh lately" He said under his breath. I just grunted at him,"Whatever. If you need to vent I'm literally a wall away" He heaved himself off my bed and exited my room closing the door with a soft click leaving me to my own devices once again.

Images of Louis and his little belly flashed in my head. The spot where the, er, baby, it was weird to even think that, nudged me seemed to burn a hole through my body. I still can't believe there was something in there. I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed deeply.

 

_What have I done?_


	8. Chapter 8

Louis~

 

I inhaled a shaky breath with my back pressed against the door. The one secret I'd been keeping for month was finally told. He knows. 

Not only does he know, but I had also agreed to give him my number and speak with him about our child. It shouldn't even be his child, it's mine; I'm the one carrying it. Yeah, he put it there, but it's not like he meant to.

I'm angry at him. Angry at him for finding out, for causing this problem in the first place, and making me cry constantly. I'm the weepiest lad in the history of the universe and it's ridiculous. I'm a bloody fat, hormonal mess. 

"Lou? Alright, lad?" Zayn asked from the entry of the kitchen, water bottle in hand. 

I lifted my eyelids to see him, tears daring to fall, "He knows,"

Zayn knit his eyebrows together, "Who knows what?"

"The bastard knows about the baby."

Zayn sighed, setting down his water bottle harshly on our coffee table, "How did he find out?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, "He just showed up and asked if I was pregnant, I don't know how he initially found out. But he knows. And I gave him my number,"

_"You gave him your number?"_

"Yes, I did," I told him, "He wants to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about, Lou, the bloke took advantage of you and now you're carrying his child! In four months you're giving it up for adoption, what's to discuss?"

I chewed my bottom lip, "I've been thinking about the adoption thing.. What if I don't want to give him or her up?"

Zayn stared at me as if I had three heads, "Blimey, you're joking, aren't you?"

I merely shrugged in response. 

"Look, Lou, I love you, and I think you'd be a splendid father and all, but you're nineteen, mate. We're on a pot-noddle-every-night budget and you're expecting to be able to care for a baby, too?"

I couldn't meet his eyes when I verbalized this thought, "Maybe Harry could help."

"You're bloody serious?" Zayn pressed, stepping near me, placing a hand on my forehead, "How sick are you, then?"

I shoved his arm away and staggered backwards, "I'm not sick. I'm not saying we'll be a cookie-cutter family that laughs and plays together while Harry gives our little one pansy speeches about how great life is. No, I'm saying he's minted; he could help us pay for necessities."

"Louis, you aren't thinking this through. He _raped_ you. You trust him to be helpful?"

"He seems pretty mixed up about what he did to me, maybe he's changed,"

"People like Harry Styles don't change for anyone, Louis. They're the people who've been shattered into a billion pieces and crushed under the cruel fist of the world, don't expect him to be anything more than a liability on your mental stability,"

With that, Zayn strode into his bedroom and shut the door, unnecessarily hard. I sighed and collapsed on the leather sofa, rubbing my face and groaning. 

"What am I going to do?" I whined. 

I peered down at my stomach that held captive a tiny creature. I grinned a bit, thinking that this was a potential mini me. I traced my fingertips against my stomach and whispered, "Hey, little guy.. Or girl.. It's you're daddy.."

I felt a slight nudge in response to my voice. I smiled wider and continued, "I know it must be... Uh, weird, stuck inside a man's womb.. But, hang in there, I guess? You're still my kid, and you're still part of me. I'm sorry for hating you before. I think I'm having a bit of a change of heart here.. And you can thank your other daddy's big, green eyes for that."

_

I plodded down the pavement in pursuit of Harry's flat. He had instructed me to meet him at his, and I had nothing better to do. The sooner I talk to him the sooner I get it over with. 

It was freezing cold. I could see my breath in the icy breeze as I exhaled. I bundled up the best I possibly could; gloves, a beanie, scarf, two jackets and a sweater. 

I spotted the given address within the complex. I stepped towards the red front door and lifted my hand, timidly knocking on the wood. I was tapping my foot for about twenty seconds before Harry appeared at the entrance, looking beautiful as ever, I hate to admit. 

A tight, Ramones t-shirt adorned his broad torso, leaving little imagination needed to see the definition of his muscular chest and rock-hard stomach. His strong, tattooed arms were on display. Skinny-extremely skinny- jeans clung to him, making me jealous because damn he has nice legs. 

"I know I'm a sight for sore eyes, Babe, but would you step inside and check me out where it's warm?"

I rolled my eyes and trudged in, glancing at my surroundings. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting Harry's flat to look like, but this was definitely not it. It was normal; quaint. I was expecting something edgier; something that fit his hard-ass facade better. 

"I could've picked you up, y'know?" Harry spoke, beginning to remove my jacket for me.

I shooed him away, "No need, my legs work fine."

He tossed his hands up in defense, backing into an adjacent room, "Forgive me, Princess."

"Go to hell," I murmured. I trekked behind him into the kitchen where hot tea was brewing.

"Sit down." Harry ordered with his back turned.

"Try again," I crossed my arms over my chest. 

Harry threw me a glare over his shoulder, "Please sit down, dearest love of mine."

"I could do without the sarcasm, Styles. You're the one who asked me here," I took the weight off my feet and rested on the wooden chair. Harry joined me with two steaming cuppas of tea. 

"Sugar?"

I shook my head, taking the cuppa in my numb hands. I allowed the extreme heat to radiate on my fingers, slowly but gradually returning the feeling to my digits. I almost sighed in relief. 

"How long have you known?" Harry started after a few brief moments of quiet.

"About the baby? About four and half months."

"And you didn't fancy bringing it up to me?" 

I shrugged, "You didn't fancy asking me before you stuck your dick in my arse?"

Harry snorted and sipping from his porcelain cup. "That's different."

"You're right," I nodded, "It is different. I had the right to keep the baby from you, and you didn't have the right to do that to me without my consent."

"You were piss-drunk, Lou, you gave consent." 

"I'm not here to talk about this, anyways. What do you want with the baby?" I shifted the subject. 

"I'm helping you take care of it."

"Did I say I was keeping it?"

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, "You aren't.."

"No!" I exclaimed. "No, I was insinuating adoption." 

"You're just going to pass our kid off to a random stranger?" Harry demanded, a somewhat pained look in his eyes. 

I sighed, "It isn't like that, Harry,"

"Then what's it like?"

I swallowed, dropping my gaze onto the floor, "I can't even afford food. How the hell am I to raise a child by myself?"

"I'd be helping you," Harry assured.

"Like hell," I scoffed, "You aren't touching our child."

"You don't get to make that choice." Harry counter-claimed.

I wandered my eyes back to his, "Whose the one with a bloody kid inside them, Harry? Whose the one who wakes up at four in the morning every other day vomiting? Who constantly has to hide their fat stomach? Who has to take woman hormone pills and see a doctor that treats them like a freak each month? Who, Harry?"

Harry released a huff, slouching in his chair, "I'm sorry."

"You should be," I decided. "You really, really should be."

Harry glanced at me, "I know that I'm a jerk, and you don't want a bloody thing to do with me, alright? I understand I destroyed your life and I'm a douche. But I want to help you. Let me aid you financially, at the least. I just want to help in some way. Anyway."

I looked at him for a moment. Sincerity burned in those emerald eyes, "Why do you feel bad about this? You've done it loads of times to loads of other blokes."

"Done what, impregnated them? You take first place in that, m'afraid."

"No, screwed them. Don't try to tell me you haven't had dozens of one night stands. Why do you all of a sudden feel bad when it happens to me?"

Harry wetted his lips, "Does it matter?"

"It does."

"It doesn't. Get used to disappointment."

I rolled my eyes as he quoted me, "Right," I exhaled, leaning back in my chair.

We didn't speak for a few moments. Just stared off into space, disregarding each other. I wanted him to answer my question, but I knew I wouldn't be getting anything more out of him. I stood up and pushed in my chair. Harry's eyes followed me.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," I stated simply.

"Why?"

"We aren't exactly engaged in riveting conversation here," I spoke.

"Stay." He ordered me.

I lifted an eyebrow at him, "You really expect me to respond to you barking demands at me at this point?"

"Please stay," Harry amended. "I want you to stay."

"I don't understand why you want me to."

"Just stay here."

I exhaled dramatically and fell back into the chair, "As long as you don't make me get up anymore. The struggles of being a pregnant man and trying to be mobile are real."

Harry chuckled slightly at this, a beautiful smile stretching his heart-shaped lips, dimples indenting his cheeks. I grinned simply because his was so gorgeous, "You have a really nice smile, Harry."

My compliment prompted the smile to transform into that familiar, arrogant smirk. "Why thank you."

"Yeah, yeah, you cocky bastard," I teased. "It's much cuter than that bloody smirk of yours. Wish I could see it more often."

All expression drained from the lad's face, his eyes returning to the floor and his eyebrows pinching together again, "We all want things we can't have. Welcome to life."

"Oh, I've been here, Dearest," I gestured to my baby bump.

Harry grumbled an apology and rubbed his arm. I leaned against the table again, scrutinizing him, "What's wrong with you, Harry?"

"What a pleasant inquiry," He spoke ironically.

"I didn't mean it in that manner. You just... You walk around with this too-cool-for-school, hard exterior, shagging people and taking numbers effortlessly. You don't feel remorseful for committing any type of sin until I come along. That isn't exactly someone whose okay,"

"What does it matter what I am, really? If I was okay, it'd be unjust."

I stared at him in confusion, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Harry only shook his head. 

"What's it mean?" I continued to press. 

"Nothing, leave it."

"Harry-"

"I said leave it." He rasped in a rough, intimidating tone. 

"Whatever, asshole," I spat, rubbing my head, which was beginning to develop an aching sensation. 

"Don't call me that."

"Suck my dick,"

This was when Harry smirked again, "I already did."

Wrath began burning in my chest, my eyes blazing at him, "Why'd you invite me here if all you were going to do is piss me off?"

"It's what I do best, sorry. It isn't like it's overtly difficult to wound defensive people like you." 

"I am not defensive!" I raised my voice, "You're just an asshole! Stop blaming the world for your problems!"

Harry glowered at me, "I don't blame the world for my problems, Cupcake. I take full responsibility in being a life-ruining, miserable excuse for a human." 

"Then why don't you stop being like that?"

Harry laughed indignantly, "I'm going to hell, anyways. I may as well have a little fun before I'm burning for eternity."

"So, your fun is messing up my life and prodding me with a stick until I turn around and bite you?"

Harry shrugged, leaning back, "If the shoe fits."

I scoffed, "Honestly, could you be any more shitty of a person?"

"I can try."

"I don't think you have to. Why do you want to hurt me, Harry? What have I even done to you?" 

Harry stopped for a moment, no words escaping his lips momentarily. He finally spoke, with anger attached to each syllable and vexation laced in his tone. 

"You made me care."

I was caught off guard slightly by this. I shrugged, "Why is caring a bad thing?"

"I thrived on shutting myself down and cutting off my emotions. I could do whatever the hell I wanted, have whoever the hell I wanted. And then you come along with those gorgeous blue eyes and that perfect smile and you make me feel again."

I didn't know how to respond. Should I be flattered or offended or sorry?

I didn't have to feel anything. Harry abruptly stood, his chair skidding back against the linoleum floor. He muttered as he strutted angrily away from me. "Go home. I'll text you some other day."

I complied with him orders, going back to where my jacket lay on the couch. I left within the next minute with a million thought swarming my mind, making the headache even worse and I ambled down the pavement back to my dorm. 

_

"So, he's mad at you for making him care?" Hadley confirmed as we sat on the sofa of mine and Zayn's dorm, sipping tea. 

"Yeah, apparently I'm in the wrong because I have 'gorgeous blue eyes and a perfect smile'." I huffed. 

She rolled her brown eyes, "Harry's one of the biggest jerks I've ever heard of."

"He isn't very kind... But, I can't help but feel something for him, y'know?"

Hadley lifted an eyebrow, "You have feelings from him?"

"I think that much is a bit obvious," I nodded in confirmation. "He's just so.. Broken. Maybe under all that hurt and muscle there's a nice lad.. I've met that person a few times. And, he seems like he genuinely cares about me."

"And he's hot, right?"

"Well, there's that," I chuckled. 

Hadley smiled, "Trust me, hot exteriors are usually better than their interior. That's why I chose my boyfriend."

I widened my eyes, "Are you calling him ugly?"

"I'm not calling him pretty,"

I scoffed, "Dang, Hadley,"

"I'm only joking, I love Luca to the moon and back."

"What's he like?" I asked, sipping my tea. 

"He's super, super weird. Comically so, however. And he's got these big, beatuiful blue eyes and whenever he breaks something of mine it they make me want to hit him in the face less," 

I laughed, "Sounds like such a loving relationship,"

"Yeah," she chortled in agreement, "He's not the sharpest knife in the kitchen, but he's sweet and kind and I look past his bumbling idiocy. And he's a proper good shag,"

I sighed, "Harry probably is, too, although I wouldn't know."

"You don't remember anything at all?" Hadley perked her head at me. 

I shook my head, "I remember dancing with Harry, then everything's blank." 

"That's odd.. I mean, that doesn't usually happen when you're drunk,"

I shrugged, "I'm not worried about it. I'm sure if I did remember I wouldn't be in this situation," I pointed to my stomach.

Hadley smiled endearingly at her own bump, "Just think; it'll grow up into a beautiful little boy or girl that has your eyes,"

"Or Harry's," I grumbled. 

"Hey," Hadley slapped my cheek, "No negativity. It's not good for Little Tommo,"

"Ow!" I exclaimed, rubbing the side of my face, "At least it'd have gorgeous green eyes if it did get Harry's,"

Hadley smiled, "Harry's got nice eyes, then?"

"Yeah, I nodded, picturing them in my head. "And these really nice, full lips. They have a cute little curve on them. And his smile, let me tell you, it could light up the Earth. When he actually smiles and doesn't do that irritating smirk. It's really hot, but it's all cocky and it isn't as beautiful. And he has this unruly curly hair and it's a literal hot mess. I want to run my fingers through it and.. What am I saying?"

Hadley tittered, "Sounds like you like him a bit more than you lead on."

I shrugged, a pink tinge growing on my cheeks, "Maybe.."


	9. Chapter 9

Louis~

I was in the process of pulling a jumper over my head when there was a knock on my bedroom door. I swung open to reveal Zayn standing in the doorway.

"Where are you heading?" He asked.

"Doctors." I stated nonchalantly. Zayn looked confused.

"But I usually take you- hell, I didn't even know you had an appointment today, what?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, I do," I brushed past him and tugged my coat on over my arms.

Zayn crossed his arms and became angry, "Don't tell me you're going with Harry," He growled.

"Zayn, I'm not going with Harry." I assured him.

Zayn just squinted at me, "Then who are you going with?"

"Hadley," I said simply. I swear I saw him roll his eyes.

"Why her? Why is she always around?" The distaste was evident in his tone.

"Got a problem with her?" I challenged. Zayn merely pursed his lips then let out a huge breath of air.

"Whatever." He backed out the doorway and disappeared down the hallway. My phone buzzed from my bed. It was a text from Hadley:

I'm outside ready? xx

I slipped my shoes on, grabbed my bag and headed out my room, shutting the door behind me. I walked out into the small living room Zayn and Liam were cuddled up. Liam might as well live here he was at our dorm so often. My phone vibrated again I assumed it was Hadley texting again so I hurried out the door.

"Hey Lou!" Hadley chirped brightly flashing her white teeth as I arrived at her waiting car.

"Hey." I smiled back at her.

"Right then, let's go!" Hadley squealed like a really preppy valley girl.

-

"Mr. Tomlinson?" A voice called signaling the doctor was ready to see me. I got to my feet and followed the nurse down the familiar hallways. She led me to a room and opened the door. Hadley and I entered me carefully climbing onto the table and Hadley sitting on one of the plastic chairs. We were left alone then.

"So?" said Hadley.

"So what?"

"Are you excited?"

"I guess.." I blushed a little, caught off guard by the sudden questions.

"Are you gonna find out what he or she is?" Hadley questioned with a smirk.

"Yeah." A smile crept onto my lips at the thought of knowing the gender of Little Tommo.

Right then the doorknob jiggled and the door was slowly opened by my doctor who always seemed to have a problem with me.

"Hello, Louis," He said flatly, "Nothing much to do this appointment." He removed the stethoscope from around his neck and listened to my heart whilst mumbling to himself doctor-y things I guess. He checked my blood pressure, eyes, ears, and mouth before instructing me to lay down. I stretched out on the examination table and pulled up my jumper and t-shirt.

"It's cold." The doctor stated unenthusiastically as always as he applied the lubrication gel to my bump. The screen that showed the inside of my stomach flickered to life. The wand was moved around on my belly showing a bunch of black and white for a few seconds. Then an outline appeared on the screen causing me to choke up a bit at the sight. My doctor squinted at the screen making sure things were okay.

"Can we find out a gender today?" I piped up. The doctor grunted and glanced at me.

"I can check." The wand was moved around my stomach some more,"I've got a clear view right here."

"Ooh, what is it?!" squealed Hadley. My heart was fluttering.

The doctor sighed again and spoke once more in that annoyed tone he always seems to use with me,"It's a boy congratulations" He said sarcastically, "Do you want pictures?" I was grinning so wide I thought my face would break. Not even my shitty doctor who thinks I'm a freak could put a damper in my mood at that moment.

"Yeah, I do" He ambled out of the room mumbling like he always seems to be.

"So, Little Tommo, you're a boy." I poked my stomach as I wiped the gel off. I looked over at Hadley where she was beaming at me.

"Awe!" She gushed, "So cute! A little boy!"

"Guess we're gonna have to go shopping soon then." I said a bit excitedly. Hadley opened her mouth to talk but was interrupted by the door opening once again. The screen captures were handed to me.

"You're good to go" the doctor muttered.

'Let's get out of here then." Hadley helped me off the table and held onto my arm as she led me out of the office.

-

I unlocked the door to my dorm, Hadley right behind me.

"Hey, Zayn!" I called. Moments later he appeared around the corner. His faint smile faded upon seeing Hadley however.

"Hey, man," He replied eying Hadley warily, "Thanks, Hadley, for driving Lou, I think I got him now." Hadley smiled brightly at him.

"Well, then I guess I'll be going. Bye Louis!" She wiggled her fingers at me before letting herself out.

"I don't like her." Zayn stated bluntly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I challenged.

"Exactly what I said. I don't like her. She's shady."

"What are you talking about? Are you just mad I'm spending more time with her than you? Is that it?"

"No!," He defended,"She's just not all she says she is, mate. I mean no one actually acts like that."

"I still think you're just jealous and I don't need this to ruin my day. Go find your boyfriend or whatever because I don't need to hear your whining!"

"Fine then, but don't say I didn't warn you!"

"Whatever, Zayn." I huffed and brushed past him and to my room. I tossed my bag into a corner and sat on my bed in a huff. I pulled out my phone because I'd told Harry I'd update him on Little Tommo.

It's a boy..

Merely seconds past and my phone began ringing. It was Harry,"Hello?" I answered.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Harry nearly shouts.

I sighed, rubbing my face. More angry people, "What have I done this time?"

"Why wasn't I with you to find out the gender of our son?" He exclaimed. The words 'our son' sent a pang through my chest.

"I don't know." I answered truthfully.

"Was it that blonde you've been hanging around? Did she take you?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"I told you I want to help. I want to be there for you, you asshat. It should be me there finding out the gender of our baby or seeing how big he is today. Not some overly perky blonde bitch with fake boobs,"

"Why are you suddenly so worked up about this?" I snapped at him.

"I'm always worked up. He's my kid too, right? I truly wanna help you. You gotta let me Louis... It's just- you know what, nevermind" Harry trailed off.

"Go ahead tell me" I urged.

"It's not of import." I got the sense Harry was not going to elaborate so I let it go for now.

"Fine then, I'm not gonna press." I told him.

"We're meting up. Today." Harry changed the subject

"Right. I need to get out of here anyways"

"I'm coming to pick you up. One hour." He told me.

"Yeah, okay,"

"Adios," He spoke in his sarcastic tone. There was a clicking sound signalling the call had ended. I collapsed back onto my bed gently rubbing my stomach as I felt tiny feet nudge my hands.

"When did my life become such a mess?"


	10. Chapter 10

Louis~

"Where are you-"

I slammed the door shut hard, releasing a minimal amount of my aggression. Zayn's overbearing question was cut off. I need more than anything to get out; I'm stressed, I'm mad, and I'm extremely hot. If that means going with Harry, then so be it.

Are hot-flashes a pregnancy symptom?

Anyways, I hastily strolled down to the pavement where Harry's blue truck was parked. I peered into the window and watched momentarily as he spoke on the phone with someone unknown to me. His eyebrows were furrowed, like they always were. But he was definitely upset. He was arguing with someone.

I watched his emerald eyes wander to me. His expression softened when his gazed connected with mine. The corners of his lips curled slightly, almost a little grin. I gave him a full smile and approached the truck.

He spoke a few final words and shut off his mobile, unlocking the door. I tugged the handle and slid inside, leaning back against the leather seat.

"Hey, Gorgeous."

"Hi, Harry," I responded, rubbing my eyes.

"What seems to be the trouble?" Harry asked, glancing over at me.

I turned to face him. Why is he so hot? "It's been a very, very stressful day."

"I can help relieve some of that stress," Harry offered presumptuously.

I tossed my eyes round my sockets, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Can't say that I wouldn't,"

"Well, I can't while I'm pregnant." I stated, staring out the window.

"Pity. We could've had fun," He winked at me when looked back at the road. "Alright, what's really wrong?"

I shook my head, "Not your problem,"

"Doesn't matter, I'm asking."

I let out a huff, "Zayn's up my ass about Hadley and he won't let me alone. We're in the middle of a proper fight; the first one we've ever had. It's just.. I don't know, I don't want to fight with Zayn, but he's wrong."

"Bros before hoes, dude," Harry spoke in an American accent, making me chuckle, "How long have you and Zayn been mates?"

"Ages. Literally," I answered.

"And Hadley?"

"Couple weeks,"

"I believe you owe Zayn the benefit of the doubt,"

I sighed, "Hadley is kind to me. She make me feel kind of normal for a change,"

"Do you fancy her or something?" He demanded sharply.

I snickered, "If you haven't noticed, I have a child growing inside of me, and she has a little one of her own."

"You can still have feelings for her."

"Well I don't have feelings for Hadley. Or anyone. She's a friend, and I have a lot more than relationships to think about right now,"

"Because your pregnant?"

"Because I have a lot on my plate, Harry."

Harry didn't respond, and minutes later we pulled into the driveway of his flat. We were inside drinking tea afterwards. Harry stared down at my stomach in awe.

"It's a little strange.. Knowing that there's a human being in there. And that I helped create it," Harry spoke. "Does it hurt?"

"Depends on what you're talking about," I replied, setting the tea mug down on a coaster.

"When he kicks."

"Not that so much.. Kind of feels like this," I reached over and prodded his stomach with my finger. I widened my eyes, "Accept, my stomach isn't quite as rock solid as yours,"

A deep chuckle came from Harry, "Was that an observation or a flirtation?"

I grinned slightly, "Both, I suppose."

Harry winked and leaned back, "What are you thinking for names?"

I hummed and leaned back with him, laying my head against the cushion, "Thomas. Tommy for short."

"Tommy Tomlinson? That is incredibly cliche," Harry scoffed.

I chuckled, "I think it's brilliant,"

Harry grinned at me, "Tommy Styles doesn't have quite the same ring to it, however."

I lifted an eyebrow, "Already planning our marriage, are you?"

"To be fair, I've been planning it since I laid eyes on you."

"Oh, don't, you'll make me blush," I told him ironically. We both chortled. I stopped for a moment, looking at him, "What is it with you? One day you're an asshole to me, and the next you're the only one that's nice to me,"

Harry shrugged, "I struggle with anger management, believe it or not."

I gasped sarcastically, "No!"

"Oh, blow me," Harry kicked his feet up on the table.

"You're a master at the mysterious card, I'll give you that, Styles."

"Elaborate,"

"Well, I've known you for months now, and I'm carrying your child. Yet, I know absolutely nothing about you aside from half of your weight is muscle and you know how to rock the smart-ass,"

"What can I say, I'm an enigma within itself."

I nodded, ripping my gaze from his enticing green eyes. "What's your story, then? Any family? Friend's other than that blonde leprechaun? A job?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it a job," He said.

I perked my head at him, "What are you on about?"

"I haven't got a job, and I've only got Niall to keep me from driving my mind-bus off the Cliffs of Insanity. Does that answer your questions?"

"Not exactly, but I have a feeling you're finished fielding them,"

"What about you?" Harry insisted.

"Well, I have no job because I'm a terrible employee, my family lives in Doncaster. No dad, a mom, four sisters. I have Zayn, Liam, and Hadley."

"Four sisters?" Harry repeated in amazement.

"You're looking at the only boy in a house of five women. It was a bloody nightmare of hormones and douchey, teen vampires."

"You're a true warrior, Babe,"

I let out a small chuckle, "If that's what you call it. I'm just glad Little Tommo's a boy so I don't have to braid more hair."

"I don't know, I've kind of always wanted a baby girl. Protect her, teach her how to ride a bike, kiss her cuts and read bedtime stories." He droned on, eyes drifting back to mine.

"So, Mr. Too-Cool-To-Care wants to be a daddy?"

Harry smiled. "Shocking, isn't it? But, I wouldn't exactly be a great one."

"Why not?"

"It's me. Me with the temper and the narcissistic personality disorder. Me that breaks everything I touch one way or another." Harry stared at me. "You'll be a good father, I think."

"What gives you that impression?" I inquired.

"You're a good person. And you're kind. I've done nothing but mess up your life and act rude to you, and you're here with me, having a conversation. You hated me."

I sighed, "You make it impossible to hate you with those dimples and pretty eyes."

"Ooh, so you fancy me?" Harry cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I wouldn't say that. I'm still extremely angry at you for everything you've done to me. But, I don't want to raise a kid on my own. And you're nice sometimes."

"But you don't trust me,"

"Would you?"

Harry shook his head, dropping his gaze. "Louis... I do want you to know how sorry I am for taking advantage of you. There's not a day that goes by where I don't hate myself for what I did. If I could go back in time and change it I wouldn't hesitate."

I smiled at him, "I don't forgive you, Harry. You're an arrogant jerk who doesn't even have the decency to care about himself. You're mean to me 90% of the time and you fight just to fight. And for some reason I can't hate you. I can stay mad at you, and I can yell and insult you, but I can't dislike you. No matter what you do or say."

"I am kind of adorable,"

I chuckled, "And, the Harry I know is back,"

Harry grinned, "You don't know me, Louis. Not really."

"And you aren't going to let me?"

Harry gazed at my again. "You wouldn't want to know me."

"You're not going to have one foot in and one foot out of my life, Harry. I don't know what kind of twisted shit goes on inside your noodle, but if you're planning on being round my kid I want to know who's helping raise him."

"My favorite color is orange." He said.

I blinked a few times, "That is fascinating,"

"I don't want you to know who I am. You said you can't dislike me; but you could. And I don't want to loose the chance to be with you. You're the best person I've met in a long time."

I nodded, peering down at my slightly enlarged stomach, "And I want to meet Harry Styles. Baby steps, I guess."

_

Harry and I hung out for a little longer, and as angry as he makes me and the fact that he destroyed my life, I found myself liking him even more. I don't understand it, and I don't exactly like the fact that I like him, but my feelings are there. And what he said about me not knowing him just makes me want to uncover the mystery and be with him even more. I now more than ever want him. But, I can't let my guard down. I don't trust him, not really anyways. He basically raped me, how can I ever forgive him?

But something about Harry draws me to him. Something about him makes me crave his presence. Something lures me in and I don't know what it is. I wish it wasn't there. I wish I didn't like this utter jerk.

I hate how he's always on my mind. It's like he's etched himself into my brain somehow. I close my eyes and the image of him smiling is the first thing that flashes through my mind. I wake up in the morning and I wonder about him. It's like he's branded me, forcing me to feel this way towards him. I can't control the fact that he's all I want. I can't help it, and I don't like this feeling of helplessness.

I don't remember what happened the night I was drunk with him, but I feel it.. If that isn't weird at all. I don't remember it, but it's almost like I can feel Harry's skin on mine. Sometimes I think I can taste his lips, his tongue. It doesn't help me trying to hate him, because it's all bliss. It feels right, even though I know it's not. Even though it goes against everything I've ever wanted or said, I like the memories. And when I'm with Harry, I want them to be more than memories.

I can't wrap my head round all this confusion. My Harry feels are adding to the stress of the baby, my best friends, and the fact that people at the uni already think I'm a freak. I feel so much pressure on my shoulder, from everything. I need an escape.

 

Harry~

I sat in solitude for hours that day before I heard the knock on my door. I swiftly stood, striding over and opening the wooden barrier that blocked me from the vexed Zayn standing in the doorway. I lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Where is he?"

"It's lovely to meet you as well," I retorted.

"I don't have time for your snide remarks, Styles, is Louis here?" Zayn spoke impatiently.

"No, why would he be here?"

"Because he's not with Hadley and he's not with me. He's run away or something. It's your fault," Zayn accused, glowering at me with anger in his hazel eyes.

I smirked, "Is that right?"

"Yeah, you asshole. You raped him and now he's pregnant, and he can't take it. Now he's left."

"Yes, I am an asshole and I did impregnated him, but that isn't why he's gone, m'afraid. Check yourself before coming to my door and accusing me of causing Lou to go MIA."

"What are you on about? I haven't done anything." Zayn folded his arms over his chest.

I nodded, "Yeah, you're right. You're only his best friend who's hardly giving him any support by fighting with him about Hadley."

"I just. He took her to the hospital to find out the gender. Not his best friend since primary school, and not the other father. Don't tell me that doesn't bother you."

"I never said it didn't, but the last thing Louis needs right now is to be fighting with the only person he can really count on. That's you. Well, now it's Hadley."

Zayn squinted at me, "That ditsy blonde is not going to replace me, Styles."

"Not if you stop fighting with Louis and support him no matter what. He's got a umteendozen different hormones coursing through that cute little body of his, mate, he's going to be irrational and emotional and you aren't going to like everything he does. But he needs his best friend. He needs support. And if you aren't going to give it to him, he's going to look elsewhere."

Zayn sighed, "Stop being right, I don't like you."

I smiled. "I love you, too, fruitcake."

He rolled his eyes, "Do you treat Lou right when he comes over here?"

"No, I force him at gun-point to floss my toes."

"Can you stop being a condescending asshole for three seconds?"

"I could, but I'm so damn good at it,"

Zayn sighed, "Whatever, good bye, Styles."

"Sayonara, kemosabe," I waved.

"Oh, one more thing," Zayn spoke before lifted a hand and smacking me firmly across the cheek, "For hurting my little brother,"

I recoiled, caught off guard as the left side of my face began to sting. Zayn strode to his car without another word. Normally I'd retaliate if someone hit me, but hell, I deserve it. If I were Zayn, I would've done worse.

I shut the door and trudged back into my house, seizing my mobile phone as I reached the couched. I sent a message to Louis questioning his whereabouts. I then tossed the phone on the couch again and entered my kitchen, looking for something to drink.

Worry began eating at my heart. Where was Louis? Is he okay?

I hate this whole caring thing. I can't exactly end it, though. Every time I'm not there with Louis I'm constantly consumed in concern and fear. I wish he'd stay with me all the time. I know how to protect him.

For the first time in years, I genuinely feel myself changing. I liked being a heartless bastard, and I didn't care that my actions had repercussions. I did what was best for me no matter what. But now I think before I do stupid shit like throw a piece of trash on the ground outside when the trashcan's only a few more meters away. I get worried when people go missing.

I care.

I mostly care about Louis, though. Niall, of course. Zayn, not really. Hadley can burn in hell for eternity, I can't stand that chirpy bitch. But Louis. For some reason he's always on my mind, constantly finding some way to enter my thoughts.

I wonder if he thinks about me too...

The ringing of my mobile phone pulled my from my thoughts. My heart thumped, hoping it was Louis. When I discovered that it wasn't I frowned, and pressed the answer button.

"Hello?"

"H-Harry? Harry Styles?"

"Yes, who is this?" I inquired, flopping down on my couch.

"I'm Samuel Keller, you loaned me some money last week,"

I took a moment, trying to match a face to the name, "Ah, Sammy. Do you have my money yet?"

"Well, you see Mr. Styles, I-"

"Mr. Styles is my dumbass father. Please, Harry."

"Yes, Harry. Well, I kind of, I don't have your money yet. I was, I was wondering if you could possibly extend my deadline? Please?"

I bit a lip, "You know I'd never do that."

"I know, sir, but please? My little girl is sick, please?"

Extend the poor lad's deadline.

I grunted. That annoying voice in my head was nagging me again. My conscience, and my guilt. "You have one more week."

"Thank you, Harry," he sighed in relief, "Thank you,"

"You're welcome. I hope your daughter gets well soon," What the hell am I saying?

"Thank you."

I hung up the phone and slapped myself in the face the same place Zayn had earlier. "What is wrong with you? You're not supposed to be kind,"

I shook my head, "Louis goddamn Tomlinson,"

 

Louis~  
I peered down at my mobile, expecting another message from Zayn. Instead it was from Harry.

Where are you, Love? Zayn's got his thong up his ass searing for you.x

I stifled a laugh and switched my phone off. I slide it in my pants pocket and grinned at Mum, who had brought me a steaming mug of Yorkshire Tea, "Thanks, Mum,"

"You're welcome, Love. You aren't talking to anyone from uni, are you?" She spoke with her eyebrows raised.

"No, Harry just texted me, I didn't reply. Apparently Zayn 'has his thong up his ass searching for me'" I repeated Harry's words.

Mum grinned, "At least Harry's entertaining,"

"He certainly is. He's funny, and sometimes he's a little sweet. But on the other hand, he did this to me. I'm so confused, Mum, I don't know what to do. He'd be with me if I gave the word, but I don't want to be with him... But I do.."

Mum laced her singers round her mug and looked at me across the table, "You don't know your father, Louis. You know why?"

I shook my head. "Because he was exactly like Harry." Mum continued.

I widened my eyes, "Really?"

She nodded, "His name was Jared. Jared Tomlinson. He had an ego the size of Texas and a mouth to match."

"He was just like Harry, then."

"He could sweet talk a girl, though. He had this presence that was just alluring; he was so confident. He demanded to be seen. And he was certainly a sight for sore eyes. Had the nicest brown eyes you'd ever see. I let myself fall for him. He gave me the world for six months, and that's when I gave him my most precious possession. Myself. Got pregnant with you, and it freaked him out. Our relationship was rocky from then on out."

"Did he leave?" I questioned.

Mum pursed her lips, "No, I did. He had a temper, too. It was becoming easier and easier for him to loose control. I didn't want him hurting you."

"So, you left him?"

"Yes... I should've given him a chance, and it's one of my biggest regrets."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

She smiled sadly at me, "I didn't want to talk about it. But, hopeful it'll help you a little. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how to live your life. I'd say stay away from Harry, because he took advantage of you and frankly he sounds soulless. But, I'd also say follow your heart. If you wanna give him a chance, by all means. I personally wouldn't trust him just yet."

"I don't.. But I can't stop these damn feelings for him. It's like I want to, but I can't, and I won't, but I need too."

Mum looked at me confused for a moment, "Uh, okay... I'm trying to understand what you just said.."

"I like Harry a lot, but I shouldn't because he's a horrible person."

Mum shrugged, "Do you really know him all that well?"

"As a matter of fact, I don't. Not really,"

"Maybe he's like one of those misunderstood boys from those chick films." She suggested.

I chuckled, "Maybe,"


	11. Chapter 11

Louis~

 

"Bye, girls. Have fun!"

Daisy and Phoebe waved good-bye to me as they ran to school. I decided to give Lottie the morning off and take them. I miss doing it, anyways. I used to walk them down the block every morning before I went off to uni. Man, are they crazy. 

I plodded down the block with my hands shoved inside my big hoodie. Mum and I talked, and she said that we'd tell the girls about Baby Thomas later on. Until then, I'd keep the information to myself. That required covering up the stomach that abnormally large at this point. 

I glanced round me, taking in the familiar scene of that town I knew and loved. The smell off rain filled the air, soothing me. I love the smell of rain. It's somewhat homey, as well. People passed by me with smiles on their faces as some of them recognized me. I waved to some and carried on back to my house. 

I stepped inside and removed my hoodie. I ambled into the living-room to find Fizzy lying on the couch, bundled up and watching some American show with a guy the size of a building and his sassy brother who speaks in metaphor. I think they fight monsters or something. "Fizz, what are you doing here?"

She sniffled and peered up at me, croaking, "I'm sick,"

I could tell she was faking. I shook my head, "That shit don't work on me, Love,"

"Alright, alright," she huffed, sitting up. "I wanted to hang out with you before you went back to uni."

I grinned and glanced down at my stomach, remembering Thomas. I tugged my hoodie on again and took the weight off my feet, plopping down on the leather sofa next to my little sister. "You're lucky Mum's gullible and I'm cool,"

She giggled and turned to me, "Why haven't you visited in so long?"

"I kind of need an education if I don't want to be a drama teacher. I needed a break, though,"

"Drama?"

I sighed, "How'd you know?"

"You always run away when you feel all trapped and angry. Is it Zayn?"

"Well, kinda. But, it's complicated."

She perked her head at me, "Mate, I'm 15. Don't give me that 'it's complicated' bull-shit,"

I rose an eyebrow at her, "Hey, just because I say that doesn't make it okay. And it is. I'll tell you about it later."

"Lou, this is the only time we'll be alone," Fizzy pleaded. 

I rolled my eyes, "What do you even care?"

"I like Zayn! I want to know why you're fighting," 

"It's a long story, Fizz. And, I don't really think you'll completely understand it." 

"I'm not a bloody child!" 

"Well, you're not having one, either,"

"What?" She was confused by this.

I let out a forlorn sigh, removing my hoodie and tossing it onto the coffee table. I lifted my shirt to reveal my bump, "Fizz, meet Thomas. Thomas, meet your Aunt Felicity."

Her expression was unreadable at first. She just stared, dazed, at my stomach. Then she began to speak, the words not really coming out right, "You're.. Uh, I didn't know that lads could.. How?"

"Long story," I repeated, pulling the fabric of my t-shirt back over my stomach.

"I've got nothing but time," Fizzy responded, sitting back and waiting for me to retell the story. 

I told her about how Harry and I met, and what he did, and how I met Hadley and how Zayn was being a knob. To my surprise, she wasn't that freaked. She was utterly confused and she had a million questions about the biology of it and how the heck I a boy got pregnant, but I hardly knew any of the answers myself. 

"So, you're mad at Zayn?" she tried. 

I nodded. "Don't you see, Lou, he thinks you're replacing him!" Fizzy told me. 

"No, he just doesn't like her, and he doesn't want me hanging round people he doesn't like. He's trying to be the father I never had." 

"No, you complete idiot, he feels threatened by Hadley. He's been there for you since the word 'go' and then this other girl comes along all daisy and rainbows, 'oh, I'm pregnant, too, let's do all the things you and Zayn do together!'. He doesn't want you to forget about him and be with Hadley!" 

I bit a lip, "Well, when you say it like that I look like the knob. I prefer it to be Zayn that's in the wrong."

Fizzy laughed, "Wish it was that easy. Now, about Harry. Is he at least fit?"

I hummed, "He's quite easily the most gorgeous human being I have ever laid eyes on." 

"What's he look like?"

"He's got these messy, dark curls. The kind of hair that you just want to run your fingers through. His lips are so full and perfect and he constantly licks them and, hot damn. He's also got these really nice green eyes that look like the ocean during a storm. I could stare into them for the rest of my existence and be happy. But, he's a massive jerk," 

Fizzy shrugged, "At least he's nice to look at. But, honestly, if I ever see him I'm going to whack him with a chair. You don't just go and rape my big brother. Who does he think he is, anyways?"

I scoffed, "Good question. He's got narcissistic personality disorder, apparently." 

"And anger issues, sounds like," 

"He's scary when he's mad, let me tell you. I've been shoved against too many walls to be okay." 

Fizzy shook her head, "I'd kick him to the curb, doesn't matter that he's beautiful. You've got to look out for yourself, Lou. He treats you like rubbish."

I sighed, "I know.. Sometimes he's nice, though, is the thing. I don't know if he genuinely wants to help with Thomas or what, but I know there's a spark of a good person inside of him. Maybe I'm just crazy,"

"Maybe you're just stupid and in love," Fizzy replied with a grin. 

I smiled back at her, "Maybe."

_

"Mummy, Daisy won't let me watch my show on the telly! It's my turn!" Phoebe whined to Mum as soon as she came in from work. 

Mum sighed, "Nice to see you, too, baby. How was my day at work, you ask? It was bloody fabulous," 

Mum worked from 4am-6pm at the hospital every day. She had a real passion for her job, but it exhausted her. I grinned, "I'll make some tea, Mum,"

"Thanks, Louis, dear. Alright, Phoebs, what's the problem?"

I chuckled to myself, watching Mum follow one of the twins into the adjacent room. I stood up, feeling a sharp pain in my stomach. Cramps, again. I gritted my teeth and walked to the cabinet, retrieving the tea kettle and filling it with water. The agony intensified as I continued my task. I finally sat down again when the tea was on the stove. I placed my hands over my stomach, muttering, "Calm down, Tommy,"

Mum came bustling into the room shortly after, sighing, "Seven-year-old's are so particular about what television show to watch. How was Fizz today? Any better? She was ill like a dog this morning," 

I gave her a knowing smile, "I think she's loads better now."

"Good, good," she nodded. She took a glance at me and noticed that I was in pain, "Cramps?"

I nodded. She rushed to the toilet and returned moments later with a bottle of pills, "Those will help with the pain." 

I unscrewed the lid and chugged a few. I then set them down and peered at Mum, "Busy day?"

"Insane. There was a patient today, wasn't even sick. She was completely delusional. She kept saying that she was having a heart-attack, but I checked everything and she was totally fine. Although, she continued to insist that she was dying. Then I had to take care of a drunk broke, it just was hard today. The twins give you any trouble while I was gone?"

"They put my hair into braids, which I had proper trouble getting out. Other than that, they were little angels," 

She smiled, "Good. I suppose now's as good a time as any to tell them about their little nephew, innit?"

I shrugged, "I suppose. I told Fizz everything."

"How much is everything?"

"The whole story, Mum," 

"Lou," she scolded, "I don't want her to know everything." 

"She's 15, Mum, and trustworthy. You've got to start treating her like an adult at some point in her life." 

"You're right," she agreed. I jumped a little when the kettle began singing. Steam rose from the spout when Mum removed it from the burner. "Want a cup, Lou?"

"Always," 

She grinned, "That's my boy," 

After we had made our cups, Mum and I migrated into the living-room where Lottie was on her mobile and Phoebe and Daisy were watching some show intently. Mum scooped up the remote and switched the tv off then snatched Lottie's phone. Felicity joined us and sat on the couch next to the twins, grinning like an idiot because she had pre-knowledge of my announcement. 

Complaining came from the other girls until Mum's voice silenced it, "Your big brother has a very important announcement to share with you girls."

I began to get nervous as all their big, blue eyes landed on me. "Well," I started. "You all are going to be aunts." 

Lottie's expression shifted, "We are?" 

I nodded, "I'm, uh, kind of pregnant?"

Fizzy grinned widely. Daisy stared at me in confusion, "I thought only girls could have babies?"

"You and me both, Love," 

"You mean there's an actual, real life baby in your tummy right now?" Phoebe inquired, scrutinizing my stomach. 

I nodded, "Yup. His name is Thomas."

"You're merely joking, right, Lou? I mean, it's simply a fact that men don't possess the ability to get pregnant. You don't actually have a fetus in your stomach. You're just pulling another joke on us," Lottie told me, seeming as though she was trying to convince herself more than me.

"I'm having a kid, Lottie. Simple as that. Please don't ask me loads of science questions, because I don't know how the hell this happened," 

"Do you mean you have a boyfriend, Lou?" Phoebe blinked at me. 

"Well, not exactly. The other dad's name is Harry. We aren't really dating." I explained. 

"Then how did he manage to get you impregnated?" Lottie pressed on. 

I wet my lips, "Long, unnecessary story." 

"Can I play with Thomas when he comes?" Daisy asked, making me feel a little bit better about sharing this news. 

I smiled at her, "Absolutely."

Phoebe chirped, "Ooh, I wanna play with him too! We could play dress up with him and making him cute little costume's.." 

The two girls started planning their play-date with my son already. I peered dubiously at Lottie. She stood and came over to me, wrapping her arms round me. "I'm happy for you, Louis."

I grinned wider and returned the gesture, "Thanks, sis," 

"And if you ever need a babysitter, I only charge eight pounds an hour," She winked at me. 

"Why thank you," I chortled. 

All the girls and I sat down and spoke for hours about my unborn son. This positivity about Thomas made me feel actually good about the situation. If it doesn't work out with Harry and it turns out that he's nothing more than a heartless jerk, then I'm glad that I can come back here to these beautiful girls I'm lucky enough to call my family. I've missed this. 

 

Harry~

 

It's been a full bloody week and I'm done being patient. I'm done keeping my distance. I had finally had it, and now Niall and I are in my car on the way to Zayn and Louis' dorm. This is ridiculous.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Niall gulped as I speed down the road, weaving in and out of cars and earning honks from the various vehicles that I had almost run into. 

I gritted my teeth, "I really don't care," 

Niall nodded. He seemed a bit intimidated by my mood. He should be used to it at this point in our friendship, frankly. For his sake, however, I slowed down. His posture slackened. 

We made it to the dorm-buildings in record time, thanks to my uncanny ability to maneuver through traffic and piss off everyone in the process. I got out, slamming my door shut and tromping my way to dorm 221B. I knocked firmly on the door as Niall trotted behind me. 

Moments prior to my urgent knocking, Zayn opened the door. His eyebrows came together, "What are you-"

"Where the hell is he?" I demanded, brushing past him and stepping inside.

I glanced round the small space, noticing that the telly was on and another lad was sat on the couch. He was tall, well built with brown hair and a scowl on his face. I get the feeling that he's heard of me. 

"You think I know?" Zayn snapped back, inviting the timid Niall inside with me. 

I glared angrily at him, "Your supposed to be his best mate, just call him or something," 

"Do you think I'm a bloody bimbo? I've called a million times and left a trillion voice mails. Lou doesn't want to answer and he doesn't want to be found, wherever he is. My guess is with his Nan." 

"Then why haven't you driven there?" I growled, pacing back and forth. 

"I'm not going to drive my piece of shit car all the way to Yorkshire, you knob," 

I stared daggers at him, "Don't test me right now. Why can't you find a way to make him contact you? It's been a full week." 

"Why don't you get that stick out of your ass and talk to me like a civilized human being?" Zayn suggested, snickering afterwards. 

Anger rushed through my veins. I clenched my jaw, trying my absolute hardest to remain my already fazed composure. It became harder when Zayn continued to speak to me. 

"It's your fault any of this went down in the first place, Styles. He's gone because he's stress. And maybe I'm not completely innocent in this myself, but at least I didn't rape him."

"I didn't rape him," I quickly fired back. 

"Yes you did! You had sex with him without his consent!" Zayn's voice was rising now. 

I rose my own to match, "He was drunk. He gave me his permission. He begged me to make sweet love to his ass. And let me tell you, he feels good," 

That's when Zayn set me off the edge. He balled his fist and punched me straight in the jaw. I turn my head with the blow, covering my face momentarily before my already growing wrath took over my entire body. 

When I get mad, I get mad. My entire body was shivering with the sheer rage that was coursing through my veins. I felt hot and disoriented, but mostly angry. I charged at Zayn, gripping his flannel and shoving him against the dry-wall, nearly shouting in his face, "Don't ever hit me again, you pathetic little bleeder," 

Zayn refused to show his fear, although I could tell he was scared out of his mind of me. He decided to push me even further, spitting on my face, "Go to hell, pig,"

I laughed indignantly, wiping the disgusting saliva from my cheek. I then rose my hand, ready to deliver a powerful blow to this stupid assholes face. Before I got the chance, a hand grabbed me from behind and forced me away, throwing me onto the carpet, which isn't nearly as soft as it should be. 

"Don't touch him!" The other bloke shouted, beginning to throw punches. I was impressed; his actually packed some power. 

"Liam, don't," Zayn warned, gripping his arm and pulling him back, "Please,"

I didn't care, I retaliated. I dug my knuckles with as much force as I could muster into this stranger's face. He recoiled, releasing a frustrated grunt. He returned to his task of hitting my chest and face. It only took a few more punches from me to slow him down almost completely. 

"Harry, stop it, now!" Niall shouted over the blood that was pounding in my skull, "Louis' gonna be pissed at you if you knock Liam out. It's his friend. Don't do this." 

Images of Louis flashed through my head. His radiant smile and his cute little laugh. I remembered when he came over to mine, how cute and dainty he looked sipping on his mug of tea in that jean jacket of his and those trousers that make his curves stand out. I miss staring into his beautiful blue eyes, hearing his adorable voice complain about the human race. He is going to be pissed with me. 

I used all my strength to shove Liam off of me. I then stood, witnessing Zayn collapse to Liam's side. I felt slightly guilty leaving the guy in the state he was in; black eye, bloody nose. But I was still incredibly incensed. 

"Get out! Get out and don't come back, you bastard!" Zayn screamed, tears free-falling down his tanned cheeks. 

I spit of some blood onto the floor and grumbled, "Adios, fuck-asses," 

I rubbed the side of my face, where I believe Liam loosened a tooth as Niall trailed behind me. 

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" was all he said before giving me a disappointed look and stomping to the car before me. 

It was a tedious and tense ride back to mine. Niall had his arms crossed over his chest the way he did when he was mad; not pouting, but mad. No doubt I'd be receiving the Irish wrath when we're back at mine. The car rolled into the parking-lot of my flat complex. I removed the keys from the ignition and glanced at Niall, who swiftly got out and stomped up to my flat. I released an exasperated huff and followed him. 

It turned dark by the time we returned to mine. A crescent moon hung high in the sky, being the only thing that lit the night. It was a bit dim and ominous, greatly reflecting the mood of the evening. On entering my flat, I flipped on a light-switched and tossed my keys onto the entertainment center. I shrugged my jacket off and peered round the corner into the kitchen, where Niall was downing a water-bottle. 

I slowly trudged into the same room as him and pushed my hands in my pockets. "Go ahead. I'm prepared."

"Prepared for what?" He shot back distastefully. 

"I'm ready for your rant. Lay it on me, Becky. Scream, hit, yell. Although, go easy on this side of my face, I'm reasonably sure Zayn's boyfriend broke it."

Niall shook his head, resting his palms on the island, "I'm not going to go off on you, Haz."

I swallowed, stepping forward, "That actually scares me a little," 

"I just... This has got to stop, Harry. You're about to have a son, and if you plan on being in his life like you say, he can't be involved in this," 

I snickered, "I'm fine, Niall." 

"You might be, but what about Louis or Thomas? Will they?" Niall pressed, glaring at me with disappointed blue eyes. 

"They don't even have to be involved. I can hide the shit they don't need to know," 

"So, that's how you want to build your relationship? Start a family? On secrets and hiding and lies? What if one of them gets hurt because of your immature lies? I don't think you can take that type of pain again." Niall worried, becoming more and more angry and passionate with each syllable. 

"Well, Louis is already beginning to warm up to me and he doesn't know about my business, he doesn't know about Jesse, and he doesn't know that I drugged him. Lying is easy, I do it daily. They can have a relationship with the good half of me," I insisted, taking a seat on a wooden chair. 

Niall narrowed his eyes at me, "Is that what you honestly want or are you just afraid to let someone else into your life that way again?"

I swallowed, knitting my eyebrows together, "I can't let someone into my life that way again, okay? I'm a proper voodoo bad luck charm, I ruin everything so matter how hard I try. I've already screwed p Lou's life. Lying is the only way no one gets hurt. Sometimes honesty is the worst policy, my friend." 

Niall began to raise his voice, "Don't you think you've cheated and lied enough? Isn't that how you've already screwed up Louis' life?" he slapped the island hard, getting even louder, "Dammit, Harry! You and Louis are grown, you can handle yourselves. Now there's a baby in the mix, a sweet, innocent boy brought into all the lies and mess that you created and you continue to see through day in and day out. You really want to stop ruining lives? Then start now!"

I leaped up and stepped over to him, tossing my arms up, "What the hell am I supposed to do, Niall? I'm shit at apologizes and honesty and bloody relationships, for that matter. If I tell Louis the truth then he'll leave. He'll be gone for good and I'll never have a chance to properly right my wrongs with him. If he can be with the fake Harry then maybe I can make him happy. Maybe I can do something right! But, he'll leave if he knows the real me. The last thing I want is Louis to walk out of my life and never come back."

"Secrets and lies are not going to keep anyone happy forever. You have a chance to dig yourself out of this hole, Haz, it's only a few meters deep," he grabbed my shoulders, "Look at me. You can't keep all of this on you. It's going to eat you alive, Haz, I know it will. I know you're strong and stubborn but it'll destroy you, man. You will never be able to look at Louis right, or your son. Every time they smile at you, you'll know the truth. You might make Louis happy, but what about you? You matter, too," 

I glared intensely at him, tears regrettably forming in my eyes, "No, I don't. I'm an arrogant, fucked up, snarky, heartless, worthless piece of shit. I don't deserve anything beyond death. But if I have a chance to make Louis Tomlinson, the first person that woke up my conscience, the first thing that made me genuinely smile, the one whose constantly on my mind. If I have a snowball's chance at making him happy I'm not going to hesitate to take it. If that means I'm in a hell of a reality, so be it. It's a small price to pay." 

Niall sighed deeply and lowered his arms, "I don't know what to tell you, Hazza. It destroys me to see you so broken. You can tell you are, too, mate. I don't see how Louis could truly be happy if you aren't. You may build all these walls, and you're damn good at hiding behind them. But eventually they'll break, and it's impossible to hide forever. The truth is almost never easy, and don't you dare expect it to be. But it's in your best interest."

My voice cracked a little, betraying me as the water continued to well; tears of frustration and emotional agony, "I don't want him to hate me again." 

"I know, man, and I'm gonna be honest with you right now, he's going to be foaming at the mouth. And he should be. You've got to realize when you do shit like that you can't just expect everything to turn out all peachy. It was your stupid ass decision. Sometimes you just need to hike up your skirt and take the consequences." 

I sniffed, falsely grinning in self-anguish. "Do you even know everything I've done in my time, Niall?

Niall let out a dry chuckle, "I probably don't, but I think I know enough to sat that your scheming is not going to work this time."

"What do I do?" I chocked. I wandered my gaze back to his and recollected my voice, making it slightly more demanding again, "Dismantle my entire business? Tell Lou I drugged him and that my ex-boyfriend was killed in a fire and I have four nipples and when I was six I ate an entire bottle of glue?"

"I'd start off by telling him what you did to him. If you get any closer it's going to be harder for both of you. It's up to Louis id her wants to forgive you or not. You gotta learn, man. You may think you can lie and keep a clear conscious, but you're still a human with emotions. It's not going to work." 

I shook my head, turning away, "I can't tell him." 

"Can't or won't?"

"Yes. I look him in the eyes and tell him I used rufie on him. I can't have him look me back in the eyes and tell me that he hates me again. I can't take that." 

"I can't sit back and watch you lie through your teeth ti this innocent guy just because you're afraid of the consequences you deserve, Harry! I just can't!" Niall spoke in a firm, boarder-line demanding voice. 

I flew off the handle and screamed in response, "I can't loose him! I'm already on the edge with Louis and if he finds out what really happened that night he'll tip off into the deep end. When Jesse was alive, he made me happy. I thought the world might actually be good despite my shit childhood. I like kissing him and holding his hand and I liked his blue eyes. I liked being with him. But Louis. Louis. He makes my heart beat by glancing in my direction. He is constantly on my mind, and have you seen him? He's so beautiful. I can't have him walk out of my life! I don't want him to go, Niall. I... I lo... I like him a lot. What would I do if he hates me again?"

Niall yelled back, "If you hate what you did to Louis so much then why are you continuing to take advantage of him?! If you like him so much then why keep him in the shadows? You know what you did! You know it was wrong! Two wrongs don't make a right! Don't be a selfish little bitch, because this isn't all about you!" 

"So I tell him? Just like that? What a great conversation starter. Maybe over breakfast, I'll tell him then. 'Hey, Lou, good morning. By the way, I jacked you up on rufie that night when we made a baby. Would you like some bacon with your tea?'"

"The hell if I know how to tell him, but it's not fair to anyone involved. You can't carry on like everything's okay!" 

I stepped closer to him, "I've spent my entire life with my feelings under a lock and key because no one cared and no one needed to know, I can take it. It isn't like the truth is going to help anyone here!"

Niall squinted at me, "Oh my gosh, yes it will! In the long run it will. What if he takes you back? You can love him with a clear conscience! I refuse to allow you to go any further with this!" 

"And if I do?" I challenged, folding my arms. "Are you going to tell him everything if I don't?"

He shrugged, "I just might. Yeah, maybe I will." 

I deeply exhaled, dropping my arms, "I hate being wrong. I'll tell him." 

Niall gave me a pitiful glance and opened his arms, "C'mere, lad," 

I leaned over and wrapped my little Irish friend up in a big hug. I needed this; a punch in the face and a stern talking to. He's right. As much as I hate to say it, he's right. I closed my eyes, "Niall, have I ever told you that I love you?"

Niall wrapped his arms round me best he could, although he was quite a bit smaller than me. He replied, "Not enough, man,"

"I love you, little brother," 

"I love you, too, man." 

I allowed myself to smile, because maybe things are never okay. Maybe things fall apart all the time. But at least I have Niall. And I'm praying that I can be lucky enough to have Louis, too.


	12. Chapter 12

Louis~

I stared out the window of the train as the precipitation continued to pour down on the scenery that seemed to pass by so quickly. Tiny feet nudged me from the inside bringing everything in my mind to the surface. I began to trace letters in condensation that adorned the window.

My life is like a bloody soap opera. I meet an incredibly irritating lad whose also shady and arrogant, constantly trying to get in my trousers. Then he manages to knock me up and all hell breaks loose. And, just like that troubled main character of any dramatic story ever, I ran away without telling anyone. I just need a break and a moment to set a few things straight with myself. I got to see Mum and the girls again and being with them was great. But, I can't hide forever, and now the fact that I do have to go back and I'm mere minutes from returning is daunting.

One thought that was constantly tugging at my conscience was a certain annoying curly-haired boy who forced himself into my life (in more was then one way). He manipulated me, he used me for his own personal pleasure, he was rude, arrogant, irksome, and overall a giant git. But, somehow, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I can't hate him. I mean, I have every reason in the world to despise him and wish the worst upon him, but I can't. No matter what he does, no matter how much Zayn complains, no matter how much of a warning Mum gives me, I cannot hate Harry Styles. Maybe it's that annoyingly adorable smile of his.

The thing that I've been venting about all week to Mum was Zayn. Zayn is my absolute best friend in the entire world, but I wish he would just support me and what I want. He invests so much time and energy on Liam and being angry at Hadley and Harry that he seems to forget that the center of all of this is my baby. And that I need him greatly. I can't do this, any of this, without my best mate.

I clutched my bag tighter as the train came to a halt; the screeching noise pulling me out of my reverie. I lifted my head to watch the small hoard of busy people pile out the doors. I stood slowly, slinging my bag across my shoulder. I took a last glance at the window I had graffitied with my finger. I grinned to myself, leaving the word 'Thomas' to slowly fade back into condensation on the window.

_

I released a great sigh when I finally made it to 221B. As much as I dreaded coming back here, I felt a sense of relief. It was nice to be home, in a way. And I probably should get started on some of my uni homework...

I heard voice coming from the opposite side of the door; more than likely the boyfriends. I felt a slight bit of nerves. Facing them again would probably be a bit awkward. It had been damn near a week-more than a week with no contact or context as to where I was; chilling at home venting to all my problems to Mum. Would they be relieved or angry or worried or what?

The only way to know is to open the door.

I swatted my pockets in search for the key to the dorm. Once I retrieved the item of interest, I placed it in the lock and took my sweet time doing so. The trepedation of this simple encounter was a bit ridiculous and overwhelming. To be honest, I don't even know exactly what I was nervous about.

As I stepped inside the dorm, the voices ceased. I turned to face the surprised looking Zayn and Liam. I grinned sheepishly at them, "I went to get some milk..."

Zayn blinked a few times at me,"What the fuck Louis!" He spoke suddenly wiping the grin off my face in an instant.

"I-" I began but Zayn cut me off.

"Do you even realize what happened when you were gone?"

"I-" Zayn cut me off again.

"Harry came here Lou! He picked a fight with me! He'd've nearly beat me to a pulp if it wasn't for Liam!" My eyes flickered from Zayn to Liam who indeed sported a black eye,"Where have you been? Hiding out somewhere!"

"I left trying to escape all this madness! All if you, every single one of you, were just fighting and arguing and bickering constantly so I left." I countered already exasperated with this. I sighed, "I just needed somebody who would be there for me ." I proceeded to try and walk past Zayn and to my room but he stopped me.

"What do you mean? I've been here this entire time for you." He stated indignantly

"Yeah, at first, then you decided it was on your shoulders to tell me who I should hang out with and what I do with my baby! Last time I checked I was the pregnant one here! Look, Zayn I don't need anymore stress right now so just please stop." I pushed past him He went to stop me but Liam grabbed him this time.

"Let him go babe." He murmured.

I set my bag down sat on the edge of my bed. I just needed someone right now. I pulled out my phone and sent a text:

Meet me outside xx

I stood and made my way towards the door. I needed to go talk to someone who understood.

"I'll be back!" I called before pulling open the door.

"Louis!" Hadley squeaked as I walked up to her car. As I slid in to the passengers seat Hadley leaned over and hugged me tight, "Where have you been?" She gushed. I shrugged.

"Home. I needed a break from it all." I admitted. Hadley's eyes filled with sympathy.

"Aw Louis! That's terrible! Listen, if you ever need a break again no need to go so far. I'm right here for you. You can tell me anything." She smiled warmly at me making me feel so much better.

"Thanks Hadley. You literally have been the only person here for me without trying to control my life and my decisions thank you so much." I hugged her again.

That's how the next few days went. Going to class, hanging out with Hadley, being mad at Zayn, avoiding Harry, trying not to be stressed.

-

I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing. Groggily, I reached for it and pressed 'answer' without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" I cleared my throat, "Hello?"

"Why have you been ignoring me?" Harry roared into the phone.

"Well nice to hear from you, too, Sunshine," I replied, annoyed.

"I'm coming to get you. Now," 

"Har-" He had already hung up.

Sure enough in a matter of fifteen minutes, there was Harry at my door a stern expression on his face.

"Look, Harry I'm tired and i don't wanna leave so ju-"

"Is anyone else here?" He asked. I was silent for a second. I pretty sure Zayn and Liam are out tonight which means Zayn's gonna be at Liam's.

"No."

"We can talk here, then," Harry walked past me into my dorm, no questions asked. He sat himself in the armchair and watched me take my place on the couch. I sat crossed legged with my back pressed against the cushion. I folded my arm as my eys met his piercing green ones.

"What do you want? If you're gonna just complain to me about Zayn and Liam, get the fuck out because I honestly don't care."

"Where were you the last week?" Harry demanded. I didn't flinch under his hard gaze.

"Mum's. You people were annoying me. All of you seemed to care about how this," I gestured to my bump,"was affecting yourselves. All your, bickering was pissing me off and stressing me out so I simply left. You all try and control everything and you forget me and I left. Hadley's the only one who' actually been there for me." Harry rolled his eyes.

"That blonde bitch isn't the only one who cares, Louis." He said lowly.

"W-what was that?" I leaned forward half amused half shocked at what Harry said.

"I said, that blonde bitch isn't the only one who cares about you." He spoke a little louder, losing his confident facade. The carpet suddenly came very interesting to him, "I care Louis, I really do. I care a whole hell of a lot more than anybody else."

His emerald eyes wandered to me again, staring at me pleadingly, "I don't have anyone. I don't care about much. Thomas, I love him, Lou. He may not have taken his first breath in this world, but he's the second most important thing to me."

"What's the first?" I breathed taken aback by this confession.

Harry licked his lips, claspings his hands together. A mock grin tugged the corner of his mouth upwards slightly. He released a huff before turning to me, gazing straight into my head. The fragments that came together to create his crystal-like eyes were shattered. He looked painfully broken, yet his expression seemed to have an underlying emotion, "You,"

Harry lifted himself from the piece of furniture he had previously resided in. He paced over to a wall and leaned his forearm against it. I could tell that wasn't something that was easy for him to say to me. A muffled 'fuck' could be heard from across the room. 

"Harry.." I didn't know what to say to all that. He's never actaully shown this side of himself; all I usually get is asshole and snark.

I carefully stood, one hand supporting my stomach closing the distance between us, "C'mere" I whispered, opening my arms to him.

Harry turned towards me unsuredly. He finally went off his mascuine script and wrapped me up in a tight, yet gentle hug. I inhaled his scent; collogne mixed with dyer sheets. Feeling his strong arms envolope me gave me a sense of security.

"We're gonna make this work, okay? We're gonna try and make this work." I mumbled into his shoulder. Harry nodded. I felt tears of relief pool up in my eyes and cursed my heightened hormones for making me so emotional.

Harry and I pulled away to look at me with glistening eyes, "How about we start over?"

"What?" I chuckled, my eyes brimming with those unshed tears

"Hey, I'm Harry." He held out a hand, a cute smile resting on his mouth. 

"Hi, I'm Louis." I took hand and shook it.

"Would you like to go out sometime?" he inquired, that cheeky smirk replacing his previous expression.

I smiled up at him. "I would love that."

 

Harry~

 

"Haz, don't do this," Niall warned, "Did anything I told stick in your mind?"

"I know, I know, I'll tell him soon. God, you sound like a proper Mum." I complained as I bustled around the kitchen preparing, for mine and Louis' 'first date', "I'll tell him eventually."

"And what does eventually mean, exactly?" Niall scrunched his eyebrows together. 

"I wanna see my son at least once?" I smiled weakly at him.

"Harry!" Niall smacked my chest, "You can't do that to him for four months and then drop a bomb on him just when he's had a baby!'

"Blimey, I know. Damn, you're always angry with me, now. It's like I've got a pissed off leprechaun constantly perched on my shoulder," 

"Honestly, l don't want to have this conversation with you again. I'm just going to tell you that Louis and Thomas' lives aren't just things you can dance in and out of. If you yourself don't fess up, It's gonna bite you in the ass real bad."

"I'll work it out, Niall. But right now I've got a home cooked meal to prepare."

"When's the last time you cooked?" Niall scoffed.

"Aye, I've still got it. You learn to cope in a kitchen when Mum and Dad are always busy or gone." I assured him, "You, go out tonight, hook up with a nice lady, or whatever straight people do. I'm a big boy now,"

"Right," Niall rolled his eyes, "A twenty-year old who can barely make his own tea." 

"Hey, I caught the stove on fire once. There's a new thing called letting it go, you should try it out sometime," 

Niall chuckled and slapped my back, "Love you, Haz. Good luck tonight." 

"I don't need luck with these dimples," I gave him a cheeky wink. "Bye, mate."

-

"I don't got it," I grumbled to myself.

I stared around the mess of the kitchen. I had already destroyed a chicken and I had to get a new one. I had kind of dropped noodles on the floor whilst trying to strain them.. Twice. It seemed like I set off a flour bomb on the counter. It was a disaster, and Louis was going be here soon. I checked my watch. The chicken was set to be done by time Louis arrived, which was in fifteen minutes.

Quickly, I dragged the table from the kitchen to the living room where I had already cleared the furniture. I had to roll it on its side to get it through the narrow doorway, but hell, I did it. I checked the time and realized I now had seven minutes to go. I scrambled to get out off the absolutely filthy apron I was sporting and tossed it in a laundry basket. 

I rushed to my closet, pulling out a flannel and my best, well, cleanest pair of black jeans. I tousled my hair in the mirror and cleaned my face of the flour smeared across my rosy cheeks. Damn, I look like a seventh grader with a crush on the football player. And Louis would be arriving any second now. 

I spread out the tablecloth I had purchased over the dining table. Placing a candle in the center. I ran back into the kitchen and came back balancing plates, knives, forks, and wine glasses (or apple juice glasses for the pregnant lad). I placed carefully folded napkins on the table and dimmed the lights. I was able to admire my handiwork for a few seconds as I struck a match and touched the tip to the wick, watching it curl and blacken as it slowly burned. I took on more sweep of the room, deeming it fit for Louis. Just then a knock sounded at the door.

I tromped to the door, tripping over myself and running finger through my hair. I made sure my shirt was straight before I tugged open the door to reveal an incredibly stunning Louis standing before me. He wore a maroon sweater that was a little to big. His baby bump pushed through the sweater slightly, making me smile to myself. Louis' bright, blue eyes found it quite simple to outshine all the stars that hung in the sky above us. I couldn't help but feel my pulse heighten. 

"Hey, Styles." Louis said smiling lightly.

"Come on in, Gorgeous," I greeted with a presumptuous grin, moving back and opening the door wider for him to step through. I studied his ass in his tight jeans as he stumbled in. Louis looked back at me expectantly. "This way, Princess," 

I led him into the adjacent room that I had wonderfully decorated, even though I waited until the literal last minute. A proud grin sat on my lips as Louis' eyes wandered the space. "Not bad, loser," he chortled. 

"So kind to me," I replied humorously as I pull his chair out for him.

"Why, thank you." He spoke in a posh tone,"What's on the menu tonight?"

"Some kind of chicken," I stated, earning a chuckle from Louis, "Should be done in a few minutes. Now, how about some pre-meal music?"

I got up and stepped over to my speaker where my phone sat and pressed play. Slow, jazzy type music began to fill the room creating a relaxing atmosphere. I closed my eyes and began moving my hands and waist with the music- not so much sensually as silly. Louis laughed, "Idiot," 

I grinned and lowered myself onto my seat at the round table again. Louis and I began to chat, and as we did so I noticed little things about him. The way his fingers tapped subtly to the steady beat to the music, the crinkles around his eyes every time he smiled. The way he wetted his lips and rose his eye brows. How an expression covered his entire face, and the way his voice was laced with passion for the words he spoke. Every single thing he did made him that much more adorable and gorgeous. And perfect in every way imaginable. 

All the while in the back of my mind, an overtly angry little Irish blokes' voice nagged me, "Tell him! Tell Him!" I pushed the thought away. The boy sitting right in front of me, and the little baby boy inside of him are what I wanted ever so badly. I can't let that slip away from me.

I looked into Louis' bright, blue eyes, taking in everything he said. I seemed just to get lost in everything about him, though I'd never admit that. "So Lou-"

A wailing sound cut me off suddenly. I shot out of my seat and made a beeline to the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway to see smoke spewing from the oven, "You've got to be fucking joking."

I ran forward, making a wide birth around the oven and to the sink. I reached up to the cupboards above and found a big pot. Quick as can be, I filled it to the brim. After setting it down I threw open the oven door. A huge cloud of smoke puffed out into the kitchen. I coughed as smoke entered my lungs. The fire alarm still ringing in my ears, I flung the water onto the burning poultry. The flames died down swiftly but the smoke lingered heavily in the air. I backed out of the kitchen coughing and sputtering to face a wide eyed Louis.

"Holy shit, Harry!" He exclaimed looking me up and down, "Are you alright?"

The alarm cut off as suddenly as it began as the smoke thinned. I gagged on my words, "If by alright you mean dying, yes, I'm brilliant,"

It took me a moment to stop.. Well, dying, and when I did Louis gave me a half-worried-half-amused grin. I felt a grin stretch my lips as I began chortling. Louis joined my chuckling fit, the laughing growing louder. We held out stomachs and each other, the taking a good five minutes to finally calm down and sigh.

"Well, that was an adventure. And also why I don't cook," I clasped my hands together, glancing away. 

"S'alright," Louis said with a slight giggle, patting my shoulder then allowing his arm to fall to his side.

"So, how do you feel about McDonalds?" 

Louis smiled brightly at me, "Sounds great."


	13. Chapter 13

Harry~

 

After Louis and I had driven to McDonald's, picked up some food, laughed about stupid things that probably won't even be funny tomorrow, and driven back to my flat, we decided to watch a film. We sat adjacent to each other on the couch while clicking through Netflix for a film to watch. 

"What's your favorite film, Harry?" Louis wondered aloud, peering innocently at me. 

I pursed my lips, "Not telling you." 

He lifted an eyebrow, "And why not?" 

"Because I don't want to," 

"Don't tell me it's My Little Pony or some shit like that," 

I chuckled, "It's a classic." 

"Meaning?" 

I sighed, "Titanic," 

Louis bit his lip, "So you're sappy?" 

"Obviously," I snickered. 

"Let's watch that, then," Louis suggested, sitting back and resting his small hands on his bump. He fluttered his eyes to look at me.

"You don't seriously want to watch Titanic with me,"

"I seriously want to watch Titanic with you." 

"Alright, Princess,"

I pushed myself off the couch and ambled to my telly. I opened the drawer in the entertainment center where I stored all of my cd's. To be honest, I would loose so many man points if anyone saw the amount of Disney films I possess. I skimmed through the discs until I found the film of interest. I removed it from the pile and popped open the case, then set in the DVD player and grabbed the remote. 

I turned to sit back on the leather sofa when I noticed Louis made sweater paws and hugged himself. I smiled slightly, "You're absolutely adorable, you know that?"

Louis' gaze drifted to me, "What did I do?"

I shook my head, "Nothing. Are you cold?"

"A bit, but I'll manage." 

"That's not good enough for me," I exited the room and trudged to Niall's. I knew he had a stash of our blankets in there. I grabbed a long, fluffy one and strode back into the living room. I took the weight off my feet and sat next to Louis, draping the cover over his tiny body. I grinned at him, "Better?"

He smoothed the material over this thighs and nodded, "Thanks." 

I propped my feet up on the coffee table and pressed play. Louis and I watched the screen for a few minutes as the film I had seen a million times over was displayed before us. Louis perked his head at me, "Why is this your favorite film, if you don't mind my asking." 

"Not at all, cupcake," I began with a smirk. He rolled his eyes, but kept his attention on me. 

"When I was about seven or eight, it was a friday afternoon and my Mum and Dad were actually both home. They decided to relax and watch a film, and Titanic just so happened to be it. It was probably one of the only times I got to just be with them.. I'd watch it endlessly after that," I explained, my mind drifting into the memory.

Louis perked his head at me, "Mum and Dad not round much, then?"

I scoffed, "I was raised by revolving baby-sitters. Apparently an attorney and the CEO of a major insurance company can't sit down and have a meal with their son." I glanced back at Louis, who was still intently staring at me with careful blue eyes. "Ah, sorry, I'm whining again." 

"No, no, you're fine, Harry. I completely get it. It's rubbish. My mum was always at work, except I had to be the nanny for my sisters." Louis told me, making me feel slightly less like a whiny bitch.

"Your Dad work too?" I ask. 

"Maybe," he answers, dropping his gaze. "I don't know my dad." 

"Oh, my apologies," I amended.

"S'alright. To be honest, I liked it better that way. I was the man of the house. And, you know, I was happy, despite everything. I was bloody dirt poor and I had loads of responsibilities, but I was happy. I can't complain." Louis smiled, then glanced at me again, "Did you at least go to school?"

"Homeschooled," I responded distastfully. This conversation brought back tainted memories of me spending hours alone in an empty, large house. The only noise that comforted me as I tossed a bouncy ball against the wall in the echoy corridors was the sound of my father's rapid typing on the keyboard of his computer. I remember feeling my heart swell with excitment when the wooden door of their study swung open, only to be crushed when they wordlessly brushed past me. Nothing I did ever got their attention. Not even things I was incredibly proud of..

"Would you like to hear a joke, Lou?" 

Louis shrugged, "Sure, why not?"

"Why did the baboon ask the giraffe 'why the long face'?" I spoke with a knowing grin. 

"I don't know, why did the baboon ask the giraffe 'why the long face'?" 

"Because he thought his neck was his face," 

Louis clapped his hand to his face, laughing, "That was absolutely horrendous," 

I chuckled along, "I made it up when I was nine. I told my dad it.."

Louis' expression became slightly less amused, "What'd he say?" 

The memory replayed in quintessential detail in my find. It could echo a dozen times in a row, and I could recall every part perfectly. I gazed at the patterns in the carpet, "Harry, the next time you interrupt my work, it better be important." 

"Wow.. I'm really sorry, Harry.. I feel terrible," 

I stared back at him, "Don't pity me. I've hurt you in ways unimaginable, Louis, don't feel bad for me for a second." 

Louis shrugged. "Is it really all that bad to pity someone who was neglected?" 

I cringed at that word. Neglected. I hated that word. "I was not neglected," I spat back furiously. 

Louis seemed to flinch slightly at the harshness of my tone, but I didn't scare him anymore. "Harry.. You kind of did," 

I swallowed and darted my eyes away. "No, that's border-line abuse... I was, I was just alone.. That's all." 

That's what I told myself, at least. Everyone's alone, right? Even just a little bit. Everyone knows that it's like to play have only imaginary friends to tag with. Everyone knows what it's like to play chess against 'evil me'. Everyone's played knots and crosses on their own. And, everyone knows what it's like to have pot noodles alone for lunch and supper because the stupid teenage baby-sitter cares more about texting then doing her job. Everyone knows what it's like to sometimes not have anything to eat but a juice-box and some gold-fish when their sitters quit and they couldn't find a new one right away. Right?

Louis' body touching mine awoke me from my thoughts. His small arms were snaked round my neck. I nearly gasped at the feeling over his skin touching mine again, holding the nineteen-year old close to me. I could feel his bump against my own stomach and I could take in his scent again. Chills were sent down my spine when Louis whispered into my ear, "You aren't alone anymore, Harry. You've got Niall, you'll have Tommy soon enough, and you've got me. You won't ever have to be alone again." 

Hearing those words escape his lips seemed to make my Grinch heart grow three sizes. It meant more than the world to me. I felt like crying as I barely exhaled, "Thank you," 

Louis' moist lips pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek, reminding me that I needed to shave. And turning my insides into mush. I stared at him breathlessly as he sat on the cusion next to me. I couldn't tell whether he expected me to respond, or if he simply enjoyed watching me sputter like an idiot.

"Shit, stop making me all sentimental," I tried to regain my confident demanour. 

He rolled his eyes, "It's okay to not be a sarcastic punk for three and a half minutes. I'm impressed with you, Harry. That's the most you've opened up to me in, what, six months?" 

I smirked, "Oh, how the beauty changes the beast." 

Louis tittered slightly at my comment. His eyes drifted elsewhere, like he was thinking, "It's kind of true when you think about it. Minus the 'beauty' bit. I'm proud to say I made you slightly less of an asshole." 

"You did," I agreed, dry chuckling, "Like I've said, you made me care. I've always questioned the content of humanity, wondering why everyone was so terrible. Eventually I thought it was okay to be terrible myself. Then you come along shooting rainbows and sunshine at me through your eyes." 

Louis smiled. "What can I say, I'm half unicorn." 

"Yeah.. Wait, what did you mean 'minus the beauty bit'"? I inquried, back-tracking through the conversation. 

Louis shrugged nonchalantly, "I guess I just meant minus the beauty bit of what you said?" 

"Don't tell me you don't know you're beautiful," 

"Well, to be fair, I don't think I'm too unfortunate looking, but beautiful is a strong word," 

"It is, isn't it?" I agreed, head turned towards him. 

Louis licked his lips, his eyes falling to his lap. He whispered in reply, "It is." 

He looked hurt; and I couldn't bare it. Louis doesn't know how perfect he is? Louis Tomlinson? 

I scooted over next to him, lifting his chin with my index finger and angling his face towards me. I stared straight into those enticing eyes. "They save the word beautiful for people like you," I began in a low voice. 

"You can walk down the pavement and see a hot lad, a pretty girl, a cute kid. But beautiful people are different; the word beautiful has substance. Not only is every detail about you absolutely alluring; your gorgeous eyes, Lou, and your lips. You're adorable button nose, the way you get those crinkles by your eyes when you laugh or smile. Even your hair is beautiful, not to mention your incredibly nice body. You've got these really attractive curves and your arse... Anyways, yes, you're magically adorable and sexy at the same time and I want to know your secrets, but you're also easily the most amazing human being I have ever met. You're so compassionate and caring, and you can make anyone smiley and happy without even lifting a finger. I took advantage of your innocence and knocked you up in the process, and you still show more affection and kindness towards me than the people that birthed me ever have. You're one of the few people who puts the needs and wants of other's before their own, and you're funny and sassy and witty and wonderful. You empathize, Lou, and that's not something many people are capable of doing. So, hell yeah you're beautiful. You're so beautiful." 

A bashful grin played across Louis' lips as an adorable rosy color sat on his soft cheeks. "Don't you know how to make a lad flustered.." 

I smiled back, face still inches from his. Our eyes remained connected as he stared right into me, as if studying a metaphorical diary embedded in my heart. He could read me like a book, and that was dangerous and something amazing. I peaked down at his pale, soft lips that were so close, I could almost feel them again; taste his chap-stick and feel him moan against my mouth. 

Being so physically close to Louis at the night of the party was indescribable, but in vain. If I could only lean in a little more, than I could witness what a real kiss is like when Louis is a concious participant. The distance between us was gradually decreasing and I could hear the veins pumping blood to the heart that was about to burst right out of my chest. The angst and sexual tension was unbearable. It seemed like it was going to happen..

But why the hell would my luck start now?

Louis created a larger gap between us, clearing his throat and redirecting his attention to the film. I remained in the position for a few seconds before cursing under my breath and slouching back against the sofa once again. 

"Baby steps," I heard Louis mutter.

_

"Alright, let's just get right to the bottom of the pot. What's with you, Styles? You've not collected money from any clients in weeks." My 'business' partner, Gabe, asked me as we drank tea in a cafe and went over our numbers. 

I set my mug on the table and folded my arms against the wood, "I believe they call it a change of heart in films and shit." 

Gabe stared at me, amused, "Don't tell me you're going soft, Harry," 

I glanced outside to see a little baby boy being strolled down the pavement. I smiled to myself, "I never said that." 

"Oh, my dearest Harold," Gabe almost laughed. 

"It's just Harry, Gabriel," I grumbled in response. 

The shaggy brunette continued to gape upon me smugly, "Don't pretend like you didn't swallow sunshine, Sweetheart. Who is he?" 

"What are you on about?" I picked up the mug and slowly sipped again. 

"The lad you've fallen madly in love with. It doesn't take Nancy bloody Drew to realize that Harbear has a crushy-wushy," Gabe snickered. 

I tossed my eyes round my sockets, "You're a real dick," 

"And how's his?" 

I scoffed, "I'm not in love. I just let Sammy and daughter dearest off the hook, and extended a few deadlines. Does that shatter my image?" 

"If you get carried away with this starlet of your's," Gabe went on to assume. "Whispers about you are already billowing in the wind, Harry. Soon you won't be the biggest and baddest on the playground anymore." 

I drained the rest of my tea and pushed the porcelain mug out of my vicinity. "I made about four hundred this month." 

"Tsk, tsk, Mr. Styles, you need to saddle up and get back in the rodeo. Who cares if you screw over a couple druggies?"

"Just because those people went down a bad path doesn't mean we have to take advantage of them."

"Preach it, Nancy," Gabe chortled snarkily. 

"Whatever, who owes us right now?" 

Gabe leaned forward, scanning his dull grey eyes over his list, "Right now, the pretty little whore known as Kaylynn Wayne owes a hefty hundred pounds. How shall we collect?" 

I chewed a lip and watched the ceiling fan revolve slowly. "Let's call her up." 

Gabe and I left a generous (by our standards) tip on the table and exited the cafe. We lowered ourselves into my car, and Gabe read me the digits to this girls' phone number. I typed it in and rang her up. 

"Hello?" A slightly vexed voice came from the other line. There was a lot of background noise; running water, the telly, and what sounded like the shrieking of a tortured animal. 

"Kaylynn Wayne is this?" I spoke gruffly into the phone. 

"Erm-Oh, God, is this that Gabe guy that lent me sixty pounds?" 

"Much worse," I tried to sound threatening, but my heart wasn't in it this time. 

Kaylynn released a huff, "Listen, tell Gabe I said thanks loads for the money, but there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to pay you back." 

"And why's that, Sweetheart?" 

"Don't call me that," She warned. "I'm 100% broke, alright, and you two asshats can have a bounty on my head for the rest of my life, you don't scare-"

He voice was cut off by the loudest scream yet. I heard her sigh yet again. "You guys don't scare me." 

"Slightly off topic, what are you killing right now?" I inquired, knowing it was probably a baby crying. 

"My son, if he doesn't stop crying. Are we done here or are you going to try to do that ominous 'we'll get the money one way or another' thing, because frankly, I've called the police on a lot of creeps and I have no problem doing it again." 

I gulped, peering at Gabe who was staring daggers at me. "What's his name?" 

"Jackson," she responded fondly. "I kind of used the money you gave me to buy food for him. He doesn't exactly have a supportive father." 

This kind of broke my heart, knowing that this girl does horrendous things at night in order to sustain her survival, and yet she still needed to borrow money to feed her baby. "Listen, we're not going to do anything to you. You needed money, and it was only sixty pounds. I'm just calling to wish you luck with Jackson."

"Harry-"

"Are you serious or is there some sort of catch here?" Kaylynn inquired warily. 

"No catch," 

Kaylynn sighed in relief, "Thank you so much. You're the only non-douche-bag that I've ever borrowed money from." 

I smiled, "Why thank you right back. Take care." 

"I will, thank you so much," 

As soon as the phone call ended, a hard fist slammed against my lip. I swore loudly in pain, turning and glaring angrily at Gabe, "What the fuck?" 

"You just gave away sixty pounds to a bitch who you don't even know the real first name of, you absolute idiot!" 

I could taste the blood emitting from a newly established cut on my mouth. I furrowed my eyebrows, wrath rising in my chest, "Punch me again and I will not hesitate to put you in the hospital myself. She's got a son, Gabriel. A son that she has to care for on her own, practically. We can spare sixty pounds." 

Gabe shook his head at me. "You've changed, mate." 

"Maybe you should try it sometimes," I grumbled, turning the keys in the ignition and driving off. 

Making money used to be the center of my concerns. It made me feel half content. But when Kaylynn-or whatever he name actually is- thanked me and said that I was different, it made me feel good. Great, even. Knowing I might have brightened their day a little bit makes me kind of happy with myself. Maybe caring is a good thing...

 

Louis~

 

"Maybe I'll just name him Louis," Hadley giggled to me as we were sat on the couch in mine and Zayn's dorm, trying to think of names for her son. She was about a month ahead of me; five months. 

"Great name," I agreed with a smile. 

Hadley laughed out loud, "No, but really, I would name my baby after my best friend in the world in a heart-beat! You know you mean so much to me, Lou,"

"Oh, stop it, you'll make me feel important," I replied, continuing to jot down ideas on my own pad of paper. I was trying to think of middle names for Thomas.

"You are important, Lou!" she gushed, patting my shoulder. 

"You're too kind," I replied, writing down 'Jared' as a possibility. 

"Thomas Jared Tomlinson," Hadley spoke aloud. "That's kind of cute! Oh, my apologies, Thomas Jared Styles." 

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not married to him, Had," 

"Not yet! But you two are totally in love!" 

I shook my head, "No, he's just slowly becoming a good person. He doesn't love me," 

"You don't know that! He thinks you're beautiful, Louis, he gave you a big speech about it. For all you know, he could be." She nodded. 

"I don't even know if I'd want him to be in love with me.." 

"Lou, don't sit here and say that you don't love Harry." 

I looked at her, "I don't, though. I mean, not really.." 

Hadley perked her head at me, "Seriously?" 

"Okay, maybe I have a bit of a thing for him," I amended. 

She rose her eyebrows at me. "Lou,"

"Fine, whatever. Shut up," 

Hadley giggled, "Hey, it's alright to be in love. This new and improved Harold seems like he could be a lovely lad!" 

I smiled at the possibility. "At least he'll be here for Tommy. That's all that really matters to me," 

Hadley kind of squealed, "Ooh, imagine big old tough Harry changing diapers like a proper daddy! I'm fangirling over you two, I swear!" 

I laughed a little, "Trust me, he would never in a million years change a diaper. He's too masculine for that," 

"Nah, watch him turn into literal sunshine when that baby comes out. I think I'm more excited for Tommy than mine and Luca's baby!" 

I chuckled, "That's potentially problematic. Don't go stealing my baby," 

"Of course not! I'll just be the coolest aunt ever!" Hadley said brightly. 

"Well, you've got competition. Fizzy, Lottie, Phoebe, and Daisy would disagree," 

"Oh, they're all adorable, but I have a job! I'll buy little Tommy cute clothes and toys!" 

I cocked an eyebrow at her, "What about your child?" 

"Oh, yeah," she said less enthusiastically. 

I chortled at this, "Weirdo," 

"And I'm proud! Do you mind if I use the toilet? I had a tall mocha frappe,"

I nodded and pointed behind me, "It's straight through the kitchen," 

"Thanks, love!" she chirped before hopping up and jogging to the toilet. 

I glanced down at my list and grinned at my options. Then I began to wonder what the names would sound like with Harry's surname..

Thomas Javaad Styes.. Thomas William Styles.. Thomas Maxwell Styles.. Thomas Jared Styles..

I began grinning like an idiot at the thought of Harry helping me raise our baby. Picture him holding a little boy's hand in his ginormous one and helping him cross a street. Or, rocking him in his huge, tattooed arms. Singing him lullabies and reading him betimes stories in that low, morbid voice of his. Laughing and smiling with little Tommy, who's gonna look just like his big, strong daddy..

I can almost picture us three as a family..

I was pulled from my little fantasy when I heard controversy coming from the kitchen. Sounded like a fight, so natrually, I got up to see what was going on. I walked in to find Hadley pressed against a wall, Zayn with lipstick smeared across his lips, and Liam with a broken-hearted expression on his face.

"Liam, please, you don't understand! It wasn't me, I swear, please, Babe," Zayn pleaded, taking his boyfriend's hand. 

Liam jerked away with hot tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. He was barely able to speak with his shaky voice, but he managed a strained, "How could you?" 

"Liam, she came onto me! It wasn't my fault, please believe me, Babe, please! I love you, you know that!" 

Liam shook his head, catching a falling tear with his thumb. "No, I thought you love me, you fucking dick. I hope you enjoy your precious vagina." 

Ouch. Make that ex-boyfriend. I granted Liam a pitiful look as he stomped past me and out the door, the slam ringing through the entire space. Zayn's tanned face was flushed with anger. He turned to Hadley, absolutely livid, "You fucking bitch, you just destroyed my life! I put up with you for Louis, you dirty little whore, but I hope you die in hell for what you just did to me!" 

"Zayn!" I yelled in defense for Hadley, who looked like an abused kitten. I walked over and wrapped and arm round her shoulder, "Don't talk to her like that, especially when you're the one that kissed her!"

Hadley sniffled, "Wh-Why would you do that, Zayn? I know you don't like me very much, but I never did anything to you.. I'm so sorry," 

"Don't apologize to this dick, Had," I told her, the placed my harsh glare on Zayn's face. 

He threw his arms up in the air and shouted in frustration, "What the hell, Louis?! You're just going to take her side on this? You don't even know what happened, she kissed me Louis! Not vise versa! I'm your best friend, not her, I've been there for you since the word go, I deserve the benefit of the doubt!" 

I swallowed my rage and shook my head, "No, you don't. I know you didn't like my friend, but this. This is despicable. I hope you check yourself, mate, because you're acting like a low, foul git at the moment." 

"Louis," he pleaded, tears spilling down his own face now, "Please, you know me, I would never do that to Liam. I love him more than life itself, please, don't listen to Hadley, she's faking it,"

"He's still lying about this," Hadley spoke in disappointment, "How pathetic could you get?"

"You fucking whore-" Zayn lunged towards the blonde. I pushed her aside and shoved him back.

"It's over, Zayn! Stop trying to pin this on Hadley!" 

"It wasn't me, Louis, you idiot! You're so blinded by this fake ass bitch that's you're trading your brother for her!" Zayn wiped his face and gazed at me with glossy brown eyes. "I'm not lying, Louis, please,"

"You're not my brother," I told him, feeling my heart shatter a little while saying so. "You're just a dick. C'mon, Had," 

I ambled out the door with Hadley behind me. My world was beginning to fall apart round me. Could I count on no one anymore?


	14. Chapter 14

Louis~

A knock on my door caused me to advert my attention from the movie on the television. I stood, mindful of my ever-growing belly. I was surprised to see who I saw standing there looking sheepish.

"Is Zayn here?" Liam asked glancing around a bit.

"No, but he's coming back so-"

"Good." Liam cut me off. I stood there full of confusion as he moved past me and inside the dorm.

"What's up?" I closed the door behind me still eyeing Liam warily as he plopped down in a chair absolutely brooding.

"It's just this whole Zayn thing. I wouldn't say we're broken up more like- ah, I don't even know. But whatever it is, I don't like it. I've been thinking too much damn."

"You saw what happened though, right? I mean, a break might be necessary about now." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but we should've given him the benefit of the doubt? He's done nothing prior to this for me to suspect anything. Zayn's as homosexual as they get why would he go kissing girls all of a sudden?"

"We-"

"I probably was Hadley that bitch-"

"Hey," I warned, only half annoyed.

"Hey nothing! I bet she was screwing with all of us from the start!" Liam said incredulously.

"Right, yeah, because she'd do that-"

"Sometimes you're an idiot, Lou. I have to go. God, I've fucked up real bad." Liam clambered off the couch as if suddenly jolted by electricity and was already leaving in a rush before I could comprehend the turn of events.

I sat there for a few moments flabbergasted and completely confused at the events that had just transpired. What started out as a simple heart to heart turned into Liam basically talking to himself then leaving in a hurry to reclaim his love.

"Nice chat, yeah?" I called to the now empty dorm.

_

"Louis!" Hadley squeaked in that voice of hers.

"Hey, Had." I've been a little iffy around her lately. The whole Zayn thing has gotten to me a bit but we were still friends. I wondered though what possessed her to do such a thing. I gave Hadley a sideways glance.

Hadley and I chatted for a bit over tea per usual when a knock sounded.

"Lou," A familiar, gravely voice called from behind the door. I could see Hadley's overly cheery demeanor falter slightly. I opened the door to reveal Harry standing there.

He wore his signature smirk across his pink lips, eyeing my body and stopping at my face. "Good afternoon, Beautiful." 

I grinned slightly, peering into his pretty green eyes. "C'mon in. I don't think you've formally met Hadley, have you?" 

Harry stepped in, granting Hadley a sarcastic smile, "I don't believe I've had the pleasure." 

"Hello, Harry! I've heard loads about you from Lou. And, uh.. And Zayn and Liam.. But it's brilliant to finally meet you!" She held her hand out for him. 

I could tell Harry was stifling a laugh as he gingerly shook much smaller hand. "Truly marvelous," 

I shot him a warning glare and took a seat next to the blonde at the kitchen table as Harry propped himself against a wall. I rose an eyebrow, "Not staying long, then?"

Harry shook his head. "Got an appointment." 

"Where?" I immediately inquired. I had always been curious as to what Harry does that I don't know about. I've tip-toed around it a few times in casual conversations, but he's got an uncompromisable padlock on everything he doesn't want me to know about. 

Harry smiled knowingly at me, then drifted his stare to Hadley. "So, Zayn kissed a girl and he liked it?" 

Hadley's face immediately flushed, "Why would you bring that up?" 

"Yeah, why would you bring that up?" I urged through gritted teeth. 

Harry was quite amused by this situation. "Just trying to make conversation. I had quite an interesting theory about that endeavor, possibly including a certain Goldylocks attempting to make the bears in the cottage turn on each other." 

"You think I kissed him?!" Hadley gasped, offended. "I did not do that, Harry! Why does everyone think I'm that bad of a person?" 

"Why would a gay boy decide to go hetero for someone he can't stand?" Harry shrugged, a smug simper still residing on his lips, "Questions that remain a mystery." 

"When'd you say that appointment was again, Harry?" I interjected, furious at him. 

Harry chuckled slightly, "I've got time." 

"I think you'd better be off, don't want to be late," 

I stood and guided him to the door, staring daggers at him. I whispered sharply, "You're an absolute ass," 

"Since when did saying what we were all thinking render me an ass?" 

"Since now, Harry. You can't just say rude things like that to my best friend," I crossed my arms over my chest as he stood in the door way. 

"Best friend?" Harry repeated slowly. "A best friend that's been manipulating you and lying to you? A best friend that treats your real friend like shit?" 

I huffed, "She didn't-"

"No, I know she didn't do it. It was Zayn, the homosexual with a boyfriend he's hopelessly devoted to. It was your best mate since primary school's fault. You're completely in the right, Lou. Keep thinking you are," 

I shut the door after he'd exited and let out a loud sigh. I couldn't even finish the thought that was brewing in my mind before Hadley's vexed voice cut into my mind. 

"Can you believe him?! I thought you said he was kinder now. He's a complete jerk! Why would he accuse me of doing something so petty and horrible?" 

I turned to her, "I mean.. The whole situation is a bit fishy, plain-speaking," 

Hadley was appalled. "You're going to let him corrupt your mind with his lies?! Don't be a pushover, Louis! Just because he's hot and commandeering doesn't mean that he's right! Why on Earth would I do something like that to Zayn? He hates me, but I don't hate him! Harry's an absolute nutter, and you know it! He's off his rocker this time! Why does everyone dislike me so much? I'm just trying to be nice!" 

"Alright, alright, calm down. I'm not accusing you of anything," 

"Yes you are! I did not kiss Zayn, Lou. I have Luca and my little baby, Austin that I love more than almost anything in the world. Why would I kiss Zayn?" She jutted out her hip and place her hand on it like a disappointed mother scolding a child.

"He's hot,"

She rolled her eyes, "Honestly, Louis, figure out whose side you're on." 

I bit a lip and watched her retreat back into the kitchen. Despite everything, she was right. I did need to figure out what story I believed; my best mate and the one that took up for me through bullies, bad boyfriends, broken bones, and babies, or a blonde girl I bumped into a the shops that treated me normally when I felt like a freak? 

 

It's a bit upsetting that classes are the only places of peace for me. The only place I don't have to worry about my soap opera of a life. Word is beginning to spread about my pregnancy, and that's not entirely a good thing, but at least no one can fight with each other and myself here. I just learn and take notes and nap (depending on the class). 

My life has become so complex and perplexing and stressing. To think that one mistake; one person could swoop in and alter so much is absolutely mad. And now this issue has led me to a cross-roads between two trusted friends. 

I scribbled down some notes onto my paper during class. I wondered how I'd eventually juggle being a drama teacher and raising Tommy in the future. I wondered how I'd manage raising Tommy within it's self. I've had a pet dog once before, but I can imagine that an actual, live baby would be a bit more needy. 

Speak of the devil, I began to feel slight nudges from within me. I set a hand on my enlarged stomach, grinning as my son continued kicking me. I hope he looks like Harry when he comes out. I hope he's like him, too, in a weird way. 

Yeah, Harry's arrogant and heartless at times, but when we have random and in depth conversations, he seems to be a completely different person. He's very reflective and insightful. I'm finding myself slowly growing fonder of this boy that screwed my entire life up and turned it upside down. 

I'm falling fast and hard, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. 

_

I was finishing up a novel I had been reading as I sat on the couch that Saturday morning. It seemed like I had been pregnant much longer, but today was the six-month mark. Three more months-give or take a few weeks-and Tommy would finally be here. I was now more than ever getting curious as to what he's going to be like. 

My eyes rose from the pages as the doorknob turned and Zayn entered. He didn't even look at me before he went to his bedroom. We're going on two weeks with zero contact; ever since what happened with Hadley. I'd been spending all my time with her after that. The only reason I'm not with her at the moment, as a matter of fact, is because she's out with her boyfriend shopping for baby supplies for her son. It even feels like I'm there because she keeps sending me pictures with her excited face and her confused boyfriend plus tiny baby clothes and toys. 

I figured I could use this time to try and provoke some kind of reaction from Zayn. I stood to my feet after carefully shutting my book and placing it on the pillow. I trekked slowly to his bedroom and lightly tapped on the wooden door.

"S'open," his unique accent sounded from the opposite side. I twisted the knob opened and leaned against the door-frame. I swallowed. 

"Hey, mate." 

Zayn's brown gaze found it's way to mine. His expression was unreadable as he scrutinized my appearance in his life again for the first time in two weeks. 

"'Hey, mate,'" he grumbled in a mocking tone. He stood to his feet, and I could now recognize that his expression was anger. "Two weeks, Louis. Two weeks you've not spoken a word to me after you chose some lying, blonde twit-bitch that framed me and all you say is 'Hey, mate'?" 

I rubbed my arm, "Well, what would you have me say, then?" 

Zayn threw his arms up dramatically, "Oh, I don't know, maybe something like, 'Hey, I'm sorry for believing a ditsy asshat over the person who's been here for me since forever'! Oh, wait, that's right. We aren't mates anymore.. At least, that's what you said," 

I felt the guilt in the base of my stomach begin to surface. I shut myself up and just stared at the carpet. I heard Zayn snicker.

"Why'd you come in here and try to speak with me, Lou? After everything, why try to amend it? You don't trust me, you don't want me as a best friend anymore."

"That's not true," I countered.

"Then you believe that I didn't kiss her and that I would rather slowly peel off all my skin with my dull fingernails then have any kind of physical contact with Hadley?" he shivered when her name rolled off his tongue. 

"I don't know what I believe anymore, Zayn, I just-"

"You honestly think she's what she tells you she is?" 

I shrugged, "She told me she didn't do it," 

"So did I. You believed me when I told you I didn't break your Game-boy when we were eight because it was Lottie, you believed me when I told you I didn't smoke weed at that party when we were sixteen, so why don't you believe me now?" 

My eyes fell again. I felt awful. He's right. He's right and I didn't know what to say. 

"Just go, Lou. Go hang out with your best friend, because you obviously don't need me anymore." Zayn spoke with hurt laced in his tone. 

I released a shaky breath, turning around. Before I left him alone, I said in an unsteady tone, "I'm so sorry. For everything." 

The hormones weren't the only cause of my tears this time. 

 

 

HARRY~

 

Stopping by to visit my dearest gem has become more of a chore than a reward. Every time I go to Louis' dorm, "OMG LIKE HI HARRY HOW ARE YOU OMG WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JERK DON'T HURT MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD LOUIS AGAIN".

Hadley made me crazy. Every time she opened her giant mouth I'd peer over at the knife catty Louis has on his counter and contemplate things. She's obnoxious and loud and genuinely in need of a nice little jacket that zips in the back. But, the thing that I can't stand about her most is how she has Louis wrapped round her pinky finger. 

As soon as he tries to think for himself, she snaps her pink-painted fingers and his opinion is shifted. It's sad to see such a strong, dominate personality like Louis be so submissive around Hadley. I may be condescending, but I'm not overpowering and manipulating. Louis is so loud and opinionated and brilliant, but as soon as she steps into his life he shuts up. I can't stand it. 

"I'm going to go make some tea," Louis announced, ambling into the kitchen. 

I smiled to myself, admiring him. I love the way he walks. He's so confident and sassy, but he's still absolutely cute. Hadley shot me a death glare as soon as he left. 

"I hope you know that I hate you," she spat. 

I grinned at her, "I'm very glad to know that the feeling's mutual." 

Hadley rolled her eyes, making sure her voice was low enough that Louis couldn't hear, "Honestly, why don't you just kill yourself? The world would be so much happier if only you were dead, Harry. You fuck up everything. I hope you put more cuts on your wrists, you fifthly piece of shit." 

My eyes darted to the barely visible scars on my left wrist from ages ago. I'll admit, that one kind of hurt. I scowled at her, attempting to maintain my smart-ass facade. "If I kill myself, sweetheart, then I'm afraid Louis might want to as well after I'd left him alone with you."

Hadley scoffed, a devilish smile landing on her lips afterwards. I'll acknowledge my admiration for her incredible acting skills. "It's cute how you think you're funny when you're really a low life knob. No one actually loves you, Harry. Your mum and dad probably wished they'd got an abortion." 

I clenched my jaw, "You really like listening to the sound of your own voice, don't you?" 

"It's music to my ears," she giggled. I cringed at the sound. "Am I getting to you yet, Harry? Am I hurting your big tough feelings yet? Did you have parental issues? Did they beat you? Gosh, I hope they gave you a proper beating. That would be hilarious."

I was growing ever so indignant, but I laughed it off, "Aye, if they did beat me at least they knew I'd existed. What about you, Hadley? Not get enough attention so you've got to suck it all up now?" 

Hadley glared at me, "Shut up." 

"Oh, so you can dish it out but you can't take it? Luckily for you, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I want you dead, and that I want you to slit your wrists. Because I don't want either of those things. I just really, really want you to stop being a bitch to Louis." 

She laughed, "Louis loves me, Harry. I'm his best friend in the world. So, you can either back off, or I'll make you." 

I rose and eyebrow, leaning forward. "It's not going to work on me." 

"But it'll work on Louis," she gripped her own wrist tightly in her small hand, squeezing as hard a she could and digging her nails into her skin. She abruptly stood, jumping back and screaming at the top of her voice. I stood too, caught off guard. 

Louis jogged into the room moments later, an expression of horror on his face, "What happened?" 

"Harry! He, he grabbed my wrist! All I said is that he should be nicer to me and he Hulked out! Ouch, look," she showed him her slightly red wrist. 

Louis gasped slightly, then glowered at me, "Why the hell would you do that to her?" 

He believes this? He genuinely does. I couldn't help it, I started laughing, "Man, Louis, you are so daft sometimes," 

"What are you on about?" 

I calmed down enough to explain what actually happened with the now crying Hadley interrupting me ever three and a half seconds. Louis shook his head when I had finished, "Why would she do that?" 

"Because she's fucking crazy," 

"I am not crazy!" Hadley exclaimed defensively. "Louis, you have to believe me over someone who raped you and treated you so disrespectfully!" 

Louis seemed torn. He peered at me, then Hadley's wrist, "I don't understand why she've done that to herself." 

I scoffed at this. "Wow. Just, wow, Louis," 

I stood up and grabbed my phone off the coffee table. I stomped to the door, about to exit. But I stopped, and stared at Louis for a minute. "I know you're pregnant, Lou, and I know it's my fault and I'll never forgive myself for how I treated you, but open your eyes and stop being Hadley's little lap-bitch. You're a complete stranger when you're with her. You've lost Zayn, you've nearly lost Liam, and you're willing to give up me because she's a lying whore. Sort your life out, mate," 

I made sure to slam the door shut when I exited 221B.

_

I had spent the rest of that night in the living room alone. Niall had to work late at the pub, so I was alone. It was probably best for everyone's health if I was. My nerves were still pinched from Hadley; my knuckles were still clenched. 

I don't understand how someone could be the way that she is. Maybe she's genuinely mad. I hope Louis took something from my mini-rant today, because I can't stand her. 

I paused the film I was watching when I heard a knock on the door. I heaved myself off the comfort of the sofa with a sigh and trudged to the door. I opened it to reveal a puffy-eyed Louis. 

He collapsed into my arms immediately and began rambling, "I'm so, so sorry, Harry, you and Zayn were so right and I was so wrong about Hadley. As soon as you left she tried to tell me that I should leave you and that her and I should just move to Australia or some place like that and I just had it. We had a big fight and she even said she kissed Zayn and she told me all the horrible things she said to you and I was so stupid and ignorant I'm so, so sorry, please forgive me, Harry, please," 

I shushed him, wrapping my arms round his curvy body and pulling him inside, shutting the door. We stood more what seemed like forever as he cried and I ran my hands up and down his back, attempting to sooth him. I pressed a kiss atop his head, "Please calm down, Love," 

Louis peered up at me, blue eyes still glossy, "I'm a shitty person." 

I chuckled a little, "No, you're not. Hadley is, and I'm just happy you see it." 

"But I let her ruin my relationship with near to all the people I care about," 

"I've always said you and Zayn have been friends forever and you should trust him. That goes two ways, Lou. He'll forgive you, I promise," 

He sniffled, "I did it to you, too," 

I shrugged, catching a falling tear with my thumb and grinning slightly at him, "It's not like I can stay mad at you." 

Louis stared me right in the eyes. "But, I trusted her over you, Harry, after you've done so much to change for me." 

I felt a little guilty, remembering that I still hadn't told him what I had done to him that night at Niall's party. My grin faltered slightly, "She had you all mixed up, Louis, it's okay. And it isn't insane to believe that I hurt someone." 

"But you wouldn't physically," 

I dry chuckled at that. Louis narrowed his eyebrows. I shook my head, "It's okay, Louis." 

He sighed, wiping underneath his eyes. "I hope Zayn forgives me, too." 

"It might take some time, but he will. Come sit down for a bit and try to relax," I led him to the couch. We plopped down next to each other just like before, but I had my arm round him this time. Having his small body pressed against mine was easily the best feeling in the world. I kissed his temple. "It'll all be okay." 

He grinned up at me, "Thank you, Harry. You're kind of amazing, you know that?" 

"Amazing's a strong word to describe me. But, thank you," 

"You're wonderful, Harry. Just kind of.. broken." he reached over and fixed the collar of my flannel. I glanced at his hand, then trailed my eyes back to his. 

"Guess you're the glue to fix my broken bits, then," 

"I hardly think I have the power to put you back together," he replied with a smile. 

"Don't sell yourself short, Tommo," I told him. "You're not bad at repairing shattered punks." 

He shrugged, "S'what I do," 

I chortled lightly at this before hearing another knock on the door. Louis' head turned towards it. I furrowed my eyebrows, mumbling, "Who is it now?" 

I reluctantly got up and went to the door, pulling it open. My heart crawled up my throat when the 5'3" asshole gave me that annoyingly snarky smile of him. "Good evening, Styles," 

I glared at him and he let himself in, "What do you want, Gabe?" 

"Just stopping buy to give you your allowance," he replied, pulling out a large bundle of paper money from his coat pocket and handing it to me. I swallowed, peering at the confused and concerned Louis. Gabe's mocking grey eyes found their way to Louis, "Oi, is this the husband?"

"No, Gabe, that's Louis. He's, uh, a friend," I responded. "Is that it then? You should get going-"

"Boy or girl?" Gabe asked Louis. 

Louis was caught off guard, "Excuse me?" 

I widened my eyes when I realized what he meant. "Go away, Gabriel-"

"Is the fetus tucked inside your male uterus a boy or a girl? I need to know what color clothes to purchase for the shower," 

"Who are you, sorry?" Louis questioned, disgruntled. I began to panic slightly. 

"He's-He's just a friend. Please leave, Gabe," I urged, pushing him towards the door. 

"You mean he's never heard of me?" Gabe placed his hand on his chest, turning is head back to Louis. "I'm Gabe, your baby daddies' BFF. We run a quite successful business together. He's probably never mentioned me, what with the awkward breakup," he explained ironically, laughing at his own joke. 

"What business?" 

"No, leave," I put my hand over Gabe's mouth tried to open the door. He wouldn't be moved. 

"Why didn't you ever tell poor Mr. Tomlinson about how you get your income?" Gabe inquired, wrestling to free himself from my grasp. My heart was thumping in my chest, and not in a good way. 

Louis stood, clearly vexed. "How do you know my surname?" 

"If you aren't gone in three seconds I will beat you within an inch of your life," I threatened through gritted teeth. 

Gabe smiled sheepishly at me, tossing his hands up in mock submission, "I'll be on my merry way, then. Be seeing you and Thomas round soon, then." 

He left after a wink was thrown at Louis. I could feel the blood boil within me as I locked the door. I lent against the door frame my body tensed. I was so pissed off at that wanker. 

"Harry, what the hell?" 

I turned to Louis, trying to slow my breathing. I shook my head, storming into the kitchen. Of course, he followed. 

"Oh, no. You are not going to walk away from that. You're going to sit the fuck down and explain how that guy knows not only my name, but my baby's name, and how the hell you get your money. I'm not going to let you change the subject or do that annoying speaking in metaphors thing. Answer me, Harry," 

I gripped the wooden chair and stared at Louis with a pained expression. After everything that I've done to keep this part of me away from Louis, all Gabe does in waltz in and my walls crumple to the ground. There's no point in hiding it anymore. "You said I was amazing two minutes ago... You're not going to think that anymore after this."


	15. Chapter 15

Louis~

 

I granted Harry an incredulous glare. "What do you do?" 

Harry sighed, smiling indignantly, "Take a seat, Princess, it's story time,"

I did as he said and lowered myself onto the wooden chair, arms folded over my chest. It can't be too terribly awful, can it? "Get explaining." 

He leaned against the kitchen counter, his muscles flexing and his many tattoos showing on his strong arms. His green eyes possessed a darkness as he stared at a spot on the ground. He slid his pink tongue against his plump lips before he slowly spoke, "I've mentioned in the past that my parents are incredibly wealthy, and that I absolutely hate them. So, I thought it would be a good idea to steal the pass-code to their banking account and take some money out. They threw me some money for a flat and college or whatnot, but I took more.." 

I uncrossed my arms, lying them on the wooden table and leaning forward slightly, listening to him intently. He continued. 

"I had a boyfriend at the time, called Jesse. He knew about my parents and things and he urged me to do the right thing. And for a while I did; I was good and semi-nice. Then he died.." Harry paused, his expression hardening. I frowned. "He died and I shut down.. Didn't really care what happened to me or anything anymore. I started drinking, a lot. And I met Gabe at a pub one night. He noticed that I was rich and fairly strong, kind of intimidating. He made a job offer."

"Please don't tell me you're a drug dealer," 

Harry shook his head, chuckling slightly. "I'm not a bloody drug dealer." 

His face became less amused as he spoke on. "Said that there are a lot of pathetic people that need money. A lot of people. So, we gave it to them."

I pinched my eyebrows together, "What's bad about that?" 

Harry lifted his eyes to me. "Our 'clients' had to pay us back. Plus interest. I said let's do it," 

I sat a moment, taking in this information. I swallowed, "And if they can't pay it back?" 

Harry wore guilt on his features, peering back to the ground, "Why do you think he needed my muscle?" 

I gasped slightly. I was appalled. "Harry," 

"Yeah, I know. Go on, tell me. Tell me that I'm a horrible person and I deserve to rot in hell. I've heard it all before, go on." He rose his head towards me. "I know." 

I rubbed the nape of my neck, "I'm not here to judge you, Harry," I gaped at him. "Why do you do it?"

Harry crossed his arms over his broad chest, the counter supporting his weight. "I wanted money and it's easy to take advantage of the less fortunate."

"Do you mean want or wanted?" 

Harry's upper lip curled into a mock grin, "Wanted,"

"So.. you'll stop this, then?" I inquired, half-hopeful. 

Harry puffed out a sigh, "I wish it was that simple." 

"It is," I stood up, "You can stop doing this to people." 

He shook his head at me, "Do you have any clue how deep I am into this? Gabe knows about you now, Louis, and Thomas. That's not a good thing," 

"What's that short guy going to do, beat me up?" I scoffed, "I can take care of myself, don't know why you think I can't." 

"I'm not saying you can't, I'm saying if I don't do what he wants he can make very dangerous people come after you," 

I flattened my back against a wall, "Why does he care about me?" 

"He doesn't," Harry stared right at me from across the room. Although we were 10 meters apart, I could feel him looking into my eyes, "I do." 

I swallowed, my own gaze falling to the tile floor. "Now I get why you wish you didn't care about me." 

"That's not even remotely true," Harry shot back in defense, ambling towards me, "I love being with you, Louis, you're incredible. If it weren't for you, I can't imagine how many more lives I would've ruined. Caring means that I can let people off the hook; just give them the money they need to help them survive without any strings attached. That's what I've been doing. Caring makes me feel good about myself. Don't think for a second that I had wished I'd never met you, and never had heedfulness for you. I'm only concerned that you'll get hurt in the crossfire." 

"But if you throw in the towel, why would they still want anything to do with you?" 

"As much as I loathe to admit it, I've got quite an aptitude for what I do. Gabe doesn't want me to quit, because he's the best kind of partner he's had in this. He'll do anything to keep me, whether that means rewarding me or threatening me." 

I made a face, "I really don't like him." 

Harry snickered, "He's got less integrity and worse of a conscience than I do," 

"You can't make that comparison anymore," I argued, stepping in his direction, "You've changed significantly, Harry, you're not in the same league as he is anymore. You let people off the hook. Yeah, you've done some things with this shady stuff in the past, but it's never too late to change. You've changed." 

"But I've still done things, Lou, bad things. Things haunt me. I can't take it back," 

"But you can move on. Accept you did it, ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and move on," 

"It's not that bloody simple," he growled in a raised voice. "I can't just forgive and forget when I could've been the difference between someone's life and death. I can't forget that I've fucked countless blokes for fun, stole from them, and left. I can't forget that I'm the reason my ex-boyfriend is dead, I can't forget that I destroyed the life of the one thing that could make me potentially happy, and I can't forget that I'm a fucking worthless, heartless, hopeless asshole that deserves to die,"

I raised my hand and slapped him across the face. I scowled at him while saying, "Whether you like it or not, Harry, I like you a lot and I'm not leaving you. I'm not letting you die, and I forgive you for what you did to me. You did some pretty terrible things, I'm not saying you didn't, but grow the fuck up, accept you did it, say sorry, and move the hell on. You can't wallow in self anguish for the rest of your damn life. Try to make it better. Be a good Dad to Tommy, treat me right, be nice, for Christ's sake! Don't be a pussy that spends forever wishing you were dead because you veered off and made stupid ass decisions. Grow a pair and fix them," 

Harry rubbed his slightly reddened cheek with his hand, gazing back at me with hurt and guilt blazing like a fire in his glossy green eyes. Was he about to cry? "I'm so sorry," 

"Harry," I sighed, feeling horrible now as tears pooled in his eyes. Just seeing them water up like that was enough to break my heart. We simultaneously opened our arms, falling into each other's embrace. 

"I'm so sorry, Louis.. Sorry for everything I've ever done.. To them.. To you.. I'm sorry.." 

I rubbed my hand up and down his extremely attractive back (it's an odd thing to say, but it's true) in attempts to calm him down. I had never seen his this emotional, and probably won't ever see him so vulnerable again. I shushed him, "It's okay. I forgive you, Harry.. It's alright." 

A sense of sadness and relief settled over the pair of us as we continued to hold one another tightly, knowing that he wouldn't have to hate himself anymore. 

_

I spent the second night with Harry in his bed, but this time I was coherent. We stayed up until damn near five in the morning talking about things that varied from deep and emotional secrets and stories and feelings that we could never share with anyone else, or ridiculous jokes and scenarios that had me laughing like a drunkard. I finally feel asleep with Harry's strong arms secured round my waist. I woke to a disturbance in my stomach. 

My tired eyes fluttered open, the world blurry round me. I shut them back and mumbled to Thomas, "Not now," 

Harry hummed, lifting this head from the pillow. His hair was in disarry, a tangled mess of curls completely crazy looking and sticking up in places. Dark circles were under his green eyes, making the brilliant color pop. His dark, soft lips were pouty. 

I grinned tirely at his cutness and slurred, "Thomas is kicking like mad," 

Harry groaned in response. He scooted his body down the mattress, still half asleep. His long fingers lazily tugged the material of my shirt upward, exposing my bump. I was too exhausted to protest. I felt warm lips against my skin. 

I shut my eyes and listened fondly as his deep, raspy voice spoke to my unborn son, "Hello, Thomas. It's me, your other Daddy. I know we haven't talked much, but since you're disturbing your incredibly hot father's slumber I figured I'd say hi. I can't wait to meet you, and I hope you're as amazing and beautiful as the one who's carrying you. I already love you so much, Tommy," 

My smile widened and I curled my toes when he peppered gentle kisses to my pregnant stomach. His warm hand rubbed the base of my back softly, comforting me. I found myself tangling my fingers in his unruly hair, earning a moan from within the back of his throat. I continued to run my hand through his loose ringlets, enjoying the reaction I provoked. 

Harry trailed his kiss up my body with his hands still brushing against my spine. Goosebumps rose on my skin when his hot, moist lips softly grazed my neck. My eyes were squeezed shut tighter, a hunger for more contact rising within me. His mouth traveled to my cheek next, mere centimeters from my angst-ridden lips. 

His forehead pressed against mine, noses pressed together. I lifted my eyelids to find a piercing green stare just before me. My heart fluttered as I read into his loving gaze. A fatigued grin stretched our lips.

"Good morning, Beautiful," his gruff voice greeted, butterflies erupting in my stomach at the decreasing proximity of our mouths. 

"Morning," I spoke slowly in response. 

We stayed like that for a few moments; just staring into each other's eyes, neither one daring nor wanting to move. It's times like these were I find myself falling further into the spiraling abyss of feelings for this curly-haired kid. I wonder if it does the same to him.

"We should get up," Harry spoke softly minutes later. "You've got a friendship to repair." 

I hummed in agreement. Harry rubbed his nose against mine, giving me a butterfly kiss. I almost giggled like a school girl at this before we both rolled out of the comfortable bed with extremely white sheets. 

I watched Harry make the bed as I stretch out my limbs. I glanced round his bedroom, noticing the tidiness. The white walls held posters, his wardrobe was shut and neat (unlike mine, which had all droors open with clothes spilling out of them). There was not a single article of clothing or any items lying on the floor. I cocked an eyebrow. "Are you a neat-freak?" 

Harry chortled, "I wouldn't say that. Just like to keep things tidy,"

"Nerd," I sang. He rolled his eyes. 

"Alright, Mr. Drama Teacher," 

I chuckled at him, "What are you going to college for, then?" 

Harry glanced at me while placing the pillows in their proper place, then looked back to the white sheets, "Uh, liberal arts," 

I rose an eyebrow, "You're an artist?" 

He nodded his head yes, "Guess so," 

"So, you draw and paint things?"

"No, obviously I read poems to the elderly and direct traffic," He answered ironically, turning towards his desk that held stacks of notebooks and papers. He picked up a sketch book and flipped through it. "This is the most recent one. There's someone in there you might recognize," 

I barely caught it when he tossed the book to me. I took a seat on the edge of his bed and began slowly turning the pages, admiring his impeccable talent. His drawings were brilliant; cities perfectly depicted, various animals sketched in quintessential detail, symbolic drawings, and on one page, someone who I did indeed recognize. It was myself, sitting on a couch, reading a book. I turned to him. 

"When did this occur?" 

Harry chuckled, peering at the drawing over my shoulder, "You were in a sweater and not paying attention to me. The moment deserved to be captured," 

"What about this moment?" I inquired, scrutinizing another drawing of myself.

Harry shrugged, "You're beautiful." 

I grinned, continuing to look through his drawings, "You're amazing, Harry. Honestly," 

"Thanks," he spoke back. 

On the last page was a drawing two hands interlocked. One was quite bigger than the other, grasping a smaller hand tightly. A rope bound them together, the words "I won't give up" written in beautiful calligraphy underneath it. 

A memory flashed through my mind of many months ago when Harry and I were nowhere near good terms. I couldn't stand him; loathed him. I remember stalking away from him after he tried to win me back. He shouted at me, "I'm not giving up on you." 

"You never did.." I thought aloud. 

Harry looked at my smiling face. "What?"

I stared back at him, "You never gave up on me.. Even though I told you I hated you and you started going through, like, moral metamorphosis and you learned a boy was pregnant with your child. You never gave up, or moved on." 

Harry gazed down at the drawing he'd created with a slight grin across his lips. "I'm a lot of things, Louis. A hell of a lot. But I keep my promises."

Our eyes connected yet again as he spoke slowly. "I will never give up on you. After anything that may happen, know I'll always chase you. Because I will never find eyes that look like the sky after a storm, and I'll never a body that fits so perfectly with mine. I'll never find anyone who laughs so adorably, that talks so much and means every word they say. I'll never find someone so brilliant and compassionate and kind. And I'll never forget what those perfect lips feel against mine. Nothing could compare to that feeling; no feeling I've ever had before. No one could make my heart race the way you do by simply being in my presence. Nothing else in this world could make me happy; but you. I will never give up on you, Louis. I'll spend forever trying to make it up to you for what I did. I'll spend forever trying to make you happy, because that's what you do to me." 

My stomach filled with that tingly feeling Harry always seemed to give me and I grinned at him. "You're sweet." 

Harry's expression trasnformed into that little smirk that I was beginning to grow fond of. "Is that what the kids are calling someone like me these days?" 

"Only under rare circumstances, but yes." 

Harry's eyebrow lifted, "What might these circumstances be?" 

I hummed, stealing a quick glance at his sketch book then back up at him, "If and only if the asshole can draw a picture of the lad he fancies is he deemed sweet," 

"Oh, so I'm sweet because I can draw a picture?" He pressed, amused. 

I chuckled slighlty and nodded my head, "Exactly," 

Harry began grinning, "And what makes you think I fancy you?" 

"Do you want a shortened list or the entire novel?" 

"Alright, alright. To be completely fair, it's quite manifest that you fancy me as well," 

I shut his sketch book and set it behind me on the bed, then brought on leg up onto the matress and faced him, "Is that right?" 

Harry nodded, smirking while he talked, "Always checking me out," 

"Always, of course. You're just a sight for sore eyes," 

"You must think so. "

"So, what else then?" I pursed my lips and tried to mentally cease the rosy color that was daring to creep across my cheeks. 

"Hmm.. You laugh at everything I say." 

"That's a lie," 

"No, no," Harry protested, leaning back on his hands. "It's the truth, Love. Anytime I make a sarcastic remark to someone at the shops or something you've got to stifle it."

"Well, that's different than every time you speak, you're being obstinate and making people uncomfortable," 

"You've just described 99% of my personality," 

I sighed in defeat, "You've got me there. What's the other 1%?" 

Harry shrugged, "You tell me." 

I wore my own smug expression, "Adorable." 

Harry gave me a displeased stare, "I am nowhere near adorable, Lou," 

"Yeah, you've got those big green eyes and whenever you're frustrated you do this look and it's really cute," 

"What look?" 

I tried to copy his expression by pinching my eyebrows together and letting my bottom lip protrude slightly. Harry scoffed, "I do not do that." 

"Oh, yes you do," 

"I do not look like a disappointed puppy," 

"Yes you do, and that's what makes you adorable." 

"You're the adorable one," Harry argued. 

I made a face, "Alright, I'll deal with you calling me beautiful and fit or whatever, but I am not adorable." 

Harry snickered, "It's adorable that you think that." 

I rolled my eyes, folding my arms over my chest, "Not adorable," 

"Even what you're doing right there is adorable. Pretty much everything you do is adorable. Like when you wear sweaters that are two sizes too big and you blow on your tea to cool it down and laugh and speak and smile," 

"My mom bought me my sweaters and she couldn't remember what size I was," 

Harry simpered at me, singing, "Adorable," 

"Is there anything I do that isn't adorable?"

"Walk," 

"Walk?" I repeated, confused. 

"Yeah, when you walk it's hot." He confirmed. 

"Care to elaborate?" 

Harry's eyes became distant as if he were watching a flash-back, "I love the way you walk. You're really sassy, you know?" 

"I've been told," 

"You walk with such confidence and dominance and your bum is like holy shit. I dunno, you're just hot, sometimes, Lou," 

I felt myself blushing at this point, "You're hot all the time," 

Harry grinned triumphantly, "Is that right?" 

"Yeah. With you're giant, fit body and your mess of hair and that stupid, arrogant smirk you do," 

"Guilty is charged," He mused. 

"So stop it," I told him. 

"Stop what?" 

"Being so perfect."

Harry smiled at me; his genuine, beautiful smile. "I'll stop if you do." 

I smiled back; my genuine, happy smile. "Deal," 

_

Harry drove me in his truck back to my dorm. I inwardly begged the merciful Lord that Zayn was inside without Liam, but the probability of that happening is slim to none. It seems like they've been trying to make up for lost time ever since they'd gotten back together. I pulled the key to 221B out of my pocket and placed it in the hole. I didn't even need it, as I found the door to be unlocked. I pushed it open and walked inside. 

I shut the door behind me and peered around for Zayn. I then checked the kitchen to find him sitting on a chair at the small, round table, having some tea. I cleared my throat, causing his attention to land on me. Liam was gone. 

Zayn swiftly decided he didn't want to converse with me, so he stared back down at his tea. I sighed, beginning with something he'd always liked hearing. "You're right,"

"Yeah, I know," he retorted. "About what, though?" 

"Hadley," 

Now he was interested. He turned and looked at me with annoyance laced in his features. "The bitch finally turned on you?" 

"Sort of," I hopped up on the counter, sitting down on the surface, "Tried to make it look like Harry had physically hurt her." 

Zayn laughed at this, "That's rich," 

"Then she tried to get me to move away with her. Just me, her, and the babies. I told her she was a complete nutter. She went off rambling and split that she was the one who kissed you and she tried to frame Harry. Said it was for my own good; she'd be a better friend for me than you lot would." 

"She's mental, she is," Zayn shook his head. "So, it took her telling you that she did it to believe that I didn't?" 

I shook my head, "Not necessarily. At first I will whole-heartily admit that I thought it was you. But I was stupid, Zayn, really stupid. I wasn't the friend I should've been and for that I apologize to you. You've never not been there for me, and I should've been there for you. I'm so, so sorry." 

Zayn glanced down at his tea. "Is Hadley out of the picture?" 

"Of course. There's no way that crazy ass blonde is sticking round," 

Zayn chuckled a bit, then peered up at me. "Why didn't you believe me, Lou? You've believed more ridiculous things before." 

I let out a huff, "I honestly couldn't tell you what was going on inside of my head. Hadley had me so mixed up and confused. She manipulated me silly, and I was too damn daft to see straight." 

"You know I'd never lie to you, right?" 

I nodded at him, "I know." 

"All I ask is that you trust me. We can't be best mates if you don't," 

I grinned, "Are you saying the dynamic duo is back?" 

Zayn stood, opening his arms, "It never left, little bro," 

I jumped off the counter and gave Zayn a giant hug. He patted my back as I squeezed him tight, "Thank you, Zayn." 

"Of course, Lou. What do you say we go do something together?" He suggested as we withdrew from the hug. 

I grinned, feeling a million pounds of pressure lift from my shoulders, "Sounds like a plan." 

 

 

HARRY~

 

Since Louis was busy patching up a relationship, I thought it would be a good idea to visit the gym. I hadn't been in a while. Punching stuff sounded fun. 

I repeatedly hit the punching bag with balled fists, letting out the stress and aggression what was building inside of me. This secret that I was keeping from Louis was slowly eating me alive. Niall was completely right in saying that it would be more than a burden. 

I love being with Louis too much. Every time I speak with him, he's got this beautiful smile that just lights up his face and he looks at me with those eyes and I can't bloody do it- I can't tell him that I drugged him. He's precious, and how could I say something that would break him all over again? I'm trying to protect him, in a sense.

More than any other explanation, this is me being selfish and not wanting to lose him. I can't bare the thought of him hating me all over again. I honestly don't think I could withstand it. I don't know what I would do without Louis. He's become my everything, and how can you live without anything at all?

You can't, I'd know.

Beams of sweat streaked down my forehead as I continued slamming my fists harder and harder against the bag. Every negative thought surfaced at once, making my heart-rate astronomically increase. I punched and kicked as my bare chest grew hot and my head grew dizzy.

"Whoa, lad, calm the hell down!" a stranger had said to me with an expression of shock sitting on his unfamiliar face.

My chest heaved as I stared confusedly at him, and then gazed over at what I had done to the punching bag that was now lying on the ground from its usual suspended position. I peered up at the chain that used to hold the bag to find it broken; I had snapped it.

I swallowed hard. "You okay, mate?" the same bloke had asked me.

"M'fine," I grumbled, storming over to the locker room.

As I tugged my white shirt over my sweaty body, I tried to process what had just happened. I snapped a metal chain without even realizing I had done it. 

That scared me a great deal considering my tiny, innocent son was due in just under four months. What if I can't control my temper round him? What if I hurt him? 

I wiped the sweat from my brow and sighed heavily. I peered to my left to find my own reflexion. I stared at myself momentarily, trying to see what Louis sees in all this curly hair and anger, and I couldn't find it. I shut my eyes and shook my head.

"What are you going to do with yourself?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I'm an extremely forgetful person so feel free to remind me to update. xx

Louis~

Last night Harry had been acting pretty strange when I stayed the night with him. He was nice; too nice. And he looked quite depressed when he thought I wasn't watching. It upset me, both because seeing him so broken looking hurts me and also because I know that he isn't telling me something. It isn't just sadness etched into his beautiful features, guilt accompanied the sorrow. Guitly was something I got used to seeing on Harry's face.

I woke up the next morning sprawled out on the couch to the sound of a screetching tea-kettle. After stretching, I lazily stumbled into the next room to find Harry pouring the steaming liquid into two mugs. He glanced at me, a smirk crawling across his lips, "Good morning, Gorgeous,"

"Good morning," I responded while yawning. I slumped down into the wooden chair as he set a mug before me on the table. I picked it up, wincing at the temperature and blowing on it to cool it down. Harry spoke up.

"Considering the fact that Thomas is going to be here in a few short months, I think it's about time we went shopping for necessities."

I set my mug down and laced my fingers round it, "I think we should figure out where he's going to stay before we do anything else. I haven't got any room in my dorm for him,"

"I'll rearrange the guest bedroom for him until one of us gets a proper home."

I scoffed, "More like you, posh boy. I'm nineteen and poor."

Harry grumbled, "I'm not posh."

I simpered at him, arguing, "You're so posh. What part of England are you from?"

He shifted in his chair, "Cheshire,"

I pursed my lips together, stifling a laugh. "Not posh at all,"

"Nope," He agreed, smiling. "Are you hungry?"

I lifted an eyebrow, "Yes, but please don't try to cook anything. Ever again,"

Harry chuckled deeply, "You set one kitchen on fire and you loose all credibility."

I stood to my feet, "I'll show you how it's done, Poshy."

He trailed behind me, murmuring protests to the nick-name I had granted him. I ordered him to get me things to cook with and he refused to do so until I 'asked nicely'. Eventually, I had a frying pan, some eggs, bacon, and pancake mix.

"If you're going to be a proper daddy you've got to at least know how to make pancakes," I told Harry, pouring the batter into a large bowl.

Harry rolled up the sleeves of his flannel, "Teach me your ways, Mummy,"

I chuckled sarcastically and peered at his large hands. "Rings off,"

He obliged and removed the numerous rings that adornded his long fingers, tossing them onto the counter. "Wash your hands," I commanded.

Harry lifted an eyebrow at me, "Why?"

I glared back at him in disbelief, "What the hell do you mean 'why'?"

"Well, I've not wanked myself with these hands or anything like that, so why do I need to wash them?"

"So you have clean hands touching the food, you absolute idiot,"

"They are clean."

I shook my head, "They aren't clean,"

"Yeah they are; I haven't done anything that would require me to wash them."

"They're pseudo clean,"

"They're not pseudo,"

"Go wash your hands, for my sanity sake," I raised my voice, chuckling at his ridiculousness.

Harry tossed his dirty hands up in mock submission then went to the sink to wash them. He returned to my side after drying them, saying, "How many eggs do we need?"

I squinted to read the fine print on the box that once held the pancake mix, grumbling, "I need glasses... We need three,"

He picked up an egg from the container and tapped it against the counter, cursing when it didn't crack properly. I watched, amused, as he tried to get the yolk in the bowl without any shell going in with it. It was kind of funny how easily he got upset, and kind of adorable when he knit his eyebrows together and made pouty lips. I tittered slightly, causing him to glare at me. "What?"

"Nothing," I replied, taking an egg in my hand, "You're just cute sometimes."

He mumbled in protest as I showed him how to crack the egg. After years of making scrambled eggs for three girls every morning, I'd say I had quite a high proficiency in doing this. He mimicked my instructions with the third egg and perked up slightly when he completely the task correctly. "Congrats, cutie,"

He rolled his eyes as I placed a condescending kiss on his cheek. "Not cute."

"You're right," I agreed, "You're a big, strong man with macho and muscle and stuff."

Harry nodded, "Exactly."

I shook my head and poured some milk into a measuring cup, then poured it over the batter. After a few more ingredients were added, Harry thought it would be funny to flick flour at my face. He smirked as I gasped. I stopped stirring the mixture to glare at him, "You little twat,"

He did the same thing again, backing away this time. A devilish smile resided on his plump lips. "You've got something on your face, Love. Just there," he pointed at my cheek.

"Yeah, thanks," I shot back in annoyance, grabbing a fistful of the powdery substance and chucking at him. It splattered against shirt and his mouth fell slightly, "It's on now, Fruitcake,"

I squealed as he came towards me, picking up the paper bag of flour and continuously tossing it at me as I attempted to retreat. I grasped a pan in my hand, trying to sheild myself from his attack. I picked up an egg and hurled it at him. He fake screamed when it cracked against his chest. I laughed triumphantly before I felt one land on my shoulder, leaving a disgustingly gooey substance on my jumper. I growled and started throwing anything I could get my hands on, Harry doing the same.

In the midst of our battle, Harry and I heard the kitchen door swing open, a tired Niall wandering in, asking what all the noise was about. His blue eyes enlarged when he witnessed the mess before him. Harry immediately ceased his actions and began stirring the pancake mix, whistling as if it would seem less conspicuous.

"This is the second time you've... You know what, I don't even care. I'm not cleaning it up this time," He walked back out, holding the bridge of his nose.

Harry began laughing again after he had left, "Poor sap,"

I chortled along, "You're the worst livingmate ever, y'know? You're lucky to have that boy,"

"I know, he's very adamant about reminding me how great of a friend he is." Harry replied, continuing to stir the batter. I got to work with cleaning up the flour that was literally everywhere.

"Y'know, Lou," Harry spoke, peering over at me, "Since we're both pretty filthy right now, after we're done in here what do you say we take a shower?"

"I was planning on that," I returned, tossing a paper towel into the trash-bin and ripping off a new one.

My heart increased rapidly when Harry leaned into me, his warm lips grazing my ear as he spoke in a gravely, hushed tone, "Together,"

A lump formed in my throat and my eyes stared at his perfect, flour-covered face. I wanted for than anything to say yes. What was holding me back? I trust this boy now, I've forgiven him. What's stoping me from being with him? "Interesting suggesion,"

Harry hummed, "Indeed,"

His strong arms snaked round my waist just how I imagined they would, and I felt his lips on my neck. He then whispered huskily in my ear, "You taste like flour."

I chuckled at this as I wrapped my arms round his neck and allowed myself to get lost in his beautiful, emerald eyes. Harry pulled me close to his body that was much larger than my own, the height of his frame dominating me. His forehead rested against mine and my knees could give out at any second. It's ridiculous how hard I've fallen for him.

"Don't move," Harry whispered, gaze still locked with mine. He began inching towards my lips with painful slowness. I did as he said and stiffened, anticipating the feeling of his kiss.

When his mouth finally landed on mine, I felt pleasure and relief wash over my being. The sexual tension between the two of us for the past few months was becoming overwhelming and this kiss was inevitable; only it took so long to occur. Now that it had transpired, I never wanted it to end.

It didn't take long before it escalated from a simple, innocent kiss. Harry pressed my back against the cabinet and hungrily pried my mouth opened with his tongue, his hands gripping my waist ever so slightly. His lips tasted like flour and baking powder; and nothing could have tasted better. I admitted entry into my mouth and moaned quietly when his hot, wet tongue chased my own.

I curled my fingers round his thick, dark hair and tugged the ends a little, earning a satisfied groan coming from the back of his throat. My chest rose and fell rapidly even as he pressed his to mine. I pulled him as close to me as physics would allow as he explored every centimeter of my mouth.

Harry eventually withdrew from my lips so we could both gasp for air, but he quickly set off to work again. He left a trail of sloppy kisses down my neck. I shut my eyes tightly, allowing the closeness of his being to overwhelm my senses. Could I just be stuck in time with this amazing person for the rest of my existence?

The answer was no. Harry pressed a sweet and final kiss to my mouth, which left me with an idiotic grin across my face. He grinned back at me, "You've got absolutely no clue how much I've wanted to do that,"

"I think I've got a pretty good idea," I breathed, allowing myself to relax and stare at Harry. I lifted my hand and slide my thumb against the soft skin of his cheek, wiping away some of the powder that I had thrown at him. His pink lips curled upward, "You've got it everywhere,"

I groaned, "I know, thanks,"

Harry chuckled lowly, grasping my smaller hand in his large one, "C'mon. We'll get properly tidied up,"

_

I entered my shared dorm room finding Liam and Zayn holding hands on the sofa. I smiled widely at the sight of my two wonderful friends and leant down in front of them, "I know I never tell you enough, but guys; I really, really love you. You're the best friends I could ask for and you're such a hot power couple,"

I pecked them both on the cheek before standing upright again with slight difficulty, due to my large stomach. Zayn gave me a disbelieving look, "Is this some kind of pregnancy side-effect or are you on drugs?"

I perked my head at him, playing innocent, "What do you mean?"

"You just waltz in here and tell us how much you love us out of nowhere when you're normally mutter 'Get a bloody room, you twinks'." Liam aided Zayn. I shrugged.

"I can't be in a good mood?"

"I suppose so, it's just a bit weird." Zayn concluded. "Sure you're feeling alright?"

I nodded, "Positive. Thomas isn't even kicking my bladder right now, so I'm utterly fantastic."

Liam simpered at me, "You were with Harry again today, weren't you?"

I grinned at the memories of today, then felt my cheekst flush. I began bitting my bottom lip, "Maybe. What has that got to do with anything?"

"You've been with the bloke for the past week and you've been literal sunshine. Thinking you might be developing some, you know.. Feelings?" Liam continued.

I lowered myself with caution onto the bean-bag chair in our semi-small living room. "Define feelings,"

"You know, like.. That warm, cushy feeling that makes you all giddy and you vomit rainbows and sorts,"

I chuckled, "What are you insinuating?"

"Well, it just seems like you could possibly, maybe have-"

"Are you in love with Harry Styles?" Zayn interrupted his boyfriend, getting straight to the punch-line.

I faltered at the sudden questioned, "I don't know.. I've never been in love before,"

"Do you want to kiss him all the time?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And do you want to be next to him all the time? Just, always near him?" Zayn added to my interrogation.

"I guess-"

"Do you feel like you're heart is about to beat right out of your chest when you look in his eyes?"

"Kind of, yeah-"

"Is there ever a thought you have that doesn't somehow involve him, or is he constantly on your mind 24/7 and anything and everything reminds you of him?"

I paused for a moment, "How the hell did you know that?"

Zayn and Liam exchanged cheeky grins. I rose my eyebrows, "What?"

"Someone's head over heals for a bad boy."

I tossed my eyes round their sockets, "He is not a bad boy. He's just very, very misguided... And soulless at times... But he's amazing most of the time..."

"You're in love," Zayn sang.

"I don't know about that," I argued.

"Oh, please, Louis," Liam snickered, "You're so in love."

I allowed myself to smile a little, eyes falling to the floor in thought of Harry and his curly hair and award winning smile. "Maybe.."

 

Harry~  
I should be happy right now.

Things are going great with Louis and I. I mean, we had half-sex in my kitchen. He likes me a lot, I like him probably more. My son is close to being born. Everything's perfect, seemingly.

But this guilt is building a thick wall in my mind, enclosing my sanity and happiness. I can hardly look at Lou without wanting to punch myself in the face. He looks at me with these loving, ignorant blue eyes like I'm worth something, and I'm sitting here knowing that I drugged him to get him in bed with me and I haven't told him.

I keep digging a deeper hole that's going to be so much harder to climb my way out of. At first I thought it would be easier if I told him when he's warmed up to me; but now I realize that it's only going to hurt Louis more. I am a horrible, horrible human being.

I was thinking hard about this while Louis and I sat on the couch in mine and Niall's flat, watching random shows on the telly. I wish I could just keep this information to myself without feeling absolutely dreadful. Stupid human emotions. Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel again.

Suddenly, Louis' phone began ringing. He tugged it out of the pocket of his jean jacket and pressed answer, "Hello?"

I gave him a 'Who Is It?' look and he held up a finger, saying 'One moment'. He stood and stepped into another room. Niall came bustling in almost as soon as Louis left. He grinned at me, "How's it going?"

I shot a quick grin at him and muttered, "Not bad."

"I'm really glad you and Lou are still together, Haz. He's really happy. I'm glad he looked past the whole date-rape drug. You're extremely lucky,"

I nodded slowly, "Uh, yeah.. He totally knows about that.."

Niall's expression swiftly turned sour, "Harry, you have told him, right?"

I looked away, too ashamed to confess the truth. Niall let out a huge sigh, "You're unbelievable, Haz. You're going to tell that boy what you did to him as soon as he gets back in here."

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, "I'm not doing shit. He's not going to find out about that. He's happy again, and I don't dare ruining that for him. It's what he deserves."

"You're living a lie, Harry, you can't do that to Louis. You can't watch him think he's happy while you're miserable. Tell him when he comes back," Niall spoke in a commandeering tone. "Or I will." And he damn well meant it this time.

I spun my head in his direction, "If you do I'll drop-kick your Irish ass back to Mullingar,"

"You won't do shit, remember?"

I sighed heavily, "I can't, Niall-"

My heart pounded in fear and self-anguish as Louis strutted back into the room. Niall immediately rose from his spot, saying, "Harry has something incredibly important he needs to confess,"

"No he doesn't."

Louis looked at me inquisitively, then Niall, "What?"

"Ask Harry,"

I glanced up at Louis, guilt and pain clouding my vision, but I could see the vexation that was etched into his beautiful features. "What do you have to tell me?"

I wetted my lips, staring down at the carpet. I didn't speak. I couldn't. And if I could, what would I even say? Niall cleared his throats, "Would you like me to tell him, Haz?"

I shook my head no, lifting my sullen gaze to meet Louis' cross one. He shrugged at me, "What's going on?"

"Well, I-" I cut myself off, wringing my hands, "Can I say good-bye to Thomas?"

Louis made a face, "What are you on about?"

"You're going to kill me and I want to say good-bye to my son before I die."

Louis let out a huff, "What the hell did you do?"

Blood was pounding against my skull, a headache adding itself to the list of all the other terrible things I felt. I tried desprately to find the easiest way to confess, but the more I thought, the harder and harder it became. "It has a lot to do with how Tommy actually came to be thought of.."

"How do you mean?"

I clasped my hands together, sighing, "You're going to loathe me again,"

"Harry, no I'm not, just tell me,"

I breathed out heavily and stared at his bump. I couldn't bare meeting his eyes while I confessed this, "That night at Niall's party, you didn't want to get drunk. You we're highly indignant that I had dragged you there in the first place, but at least you were enjoying yourself a little bit. I went off to get something to drink. I got two cups of beer; one for you and I. Only, there was something slightly different about your's than mine."

Louis folded his arms over his chest, "And what might that've been?"

I coughed, dropping my eyes even further, "I, uh... I put ruffies in your's. Better known as the 'date-rape drug'." As soon as I uttered those words my gazed lowered to the floor. I couldn't even look Louis in the eye. Hell, I couldn't even look at Louis. Niall took this as his cue to let us have some privacy, backed out of the room, and slipped out the door.

Louis still hadn't spoken, his silence making me want to implode on myself more and more. I dared to glance at him but only momentarily. I was very far from deserving to even look at Louis after what I had done.

"Look at me." Louis' voice was like ice. I couldn't."God dammit, look at me, you bastard!"

I slowly raised my head. Louis' eyes were filled with tears as he stared me down. He raised his hand and slapped it across my face with all of his might.

My head was thrown to the side from the force of Louis' hand. I hanged my head not even reacting because I deserved it. That and much, much more. I stumbled back as Louis pounded his fists into my chest taking hit after hit.

"You son of a bitch! How the fuck could you!" He continued to slam his balled fists into my chest, tears mercilessly sliding down his cheeks. His face was contorted in frustration and anger, "I fucking trusted you, Harry! I trusted you after the first time you told me! I gave your sorry ass a god damn chance and then you tell me this? Lying straight to my face?" I huffed from a particularly painful blow. "I never want see your face again! You stay away from me and my child!" I flinched at the emphasis on my. "I don't need your money, I don't need your charity, and I especially don't need you!" Louis shoved me into the wall with everything he had. He turned on his heel and stormed towards the exit. Making sure he slammed the door extra hard. I'd noticed he'd left his jacket but made no attempt to call out to him.

I slid down the wall feeling empty. I slammed my hands down on the floor as a feeling of relentless frustration washed over me. I swung my arms across the top of the coffee table sending magazines fluttering to the floor. I stood huffing and puffing unable to control my sudden burst of anger and helplessness. I hardly even flinched as my fist made contact with a wall. Tiny bits of plaster came away with my knuckles which were now bleeding. I kicked a leg of the coffee table and watched as it toppled over spilling the rest of the items it held crashing to the floor. I knocked over an armchair. Books were tossed to the floor as I romped around the living room screaming "I love you," at the top of my voice, making my throat raw. Everything suddenly came bubbling to the surface. All that I'd pushed deep down and tried to hide came back. I pulled a picture frame off the wall and slammed it to the floor doing anything to relinquish my fury. The glass shatter every which way. A perfect representation of my entire life. Me leaving a wake of destruction in my path. I reached for a vase when suddenly two arms took hold of me and yanked me back. I lost my footing and fell to the floor bringing the stranger down with me. I made no attempt to stand.

I looked to see Niall knelt beside me with a soft expression on his face. I looked at him for a second before collapsing onto his lap the red hot rage slowly seeping from my veins. My chest rose and fell heavily and I didn't even know I was crying until tears began to stain Niall's jeans.

"Why can't I do anything right!" My tears quickly turned into sobs wracking my entire body. "Why was I so fucking stupid?" I cried.

Niall said nothing and just let me cry which I was grateful for. Truth is that's all I ever wanted, though I do a shit job showing it; someone to be there when I've completely broken. You'd think something like that would come naturally for everyone, but that's far from the truth. Even as a kid, an only child, I'd have to fight just to get my own parents to notice me. The only friend who was ever truly my friend was Niall and before Louis the only real relationship I had was Jesse. It seemed like nothing good ever stays for me. "I love him... I love him, Niall.. Why can't anyone love me?"

 

Louis~

"Ruffies?" Zayn choked. I nodded.

"Where is that fucking bastard? I'll put an end to 'em," Liam growled getting to his feet. Zayn grabbed his arm.

"Don't waste your energy on him." I agreed with Zayn. "He'll be the most hurt if we just leave him alone. Trust me." I knew it was really wrong to use that against him knowing how traumatic the thought of being alone was and still is for him, but honestly I couldn't bring myself to care. I left Zayn and Liam to do whatever extremely hot power couples do and headed into the kitchen to think for myself.

Thomas took the opportunity to squirm and plant a few kicks. I rubbed small circles on the spots where his tiny feet pressed against my stomach. "Hey, baby boy," I smiled knowing he was there, alive and well.

"It's just gonna be me and you for now but we can make it work. Little Tommo and his daddy versus the world. How does that sound?" I got more kicks in response. "Glad we're on the same page."

I suddenly occurred to me how unprepared I was for Thomas. I was prepared, before, when Harry was in the picture. He insisted he pay for the bulk of it. I was even planning to move there because he had the extra space. All I had were a few outfits, toys, and bottles sent to me by my mum and sisters. I hurried to my room realizing a phone call needed to be made to a certain woman in my life. I sat cross legged on my bed dialing mum's number. The phone range four times.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mum," I replied. She must've found something in my tone because of the question she asked next.

"What's the matter?" She inquired.

"It's Harry. He's an asshole. He admitted to me today that he planted my drink with ruffies that night we hooked up. It wasn't just him taking advantage of a drunken me. He drugged me, Mum! We were planning to set up Thomas's room at his place because he had space and he wanted to help pay for most of it, but he's gone now and I don't know what to do!" My voice was edging towards hysteria.

"Louis calm down," she soothed, "I think it's time for you to come visit again. We'll go shopping together. It's gonna be alright. You don't need Harry, love, you've got friends and family who care for you and support you. He's the one missing out." She said. I sighed in relief. I could only hope to be as great a parent as she is.

"I love you, Mum. I don't know how I could do this without you." I could almost cry because she made me feel like it was going to be okay. Just like when I was five and I scraped my knee on the pavement.

"Love you, too, Baby. I'll see you soon then ,yeah?"

"Yeah." And with that the phone clicked signaling the call was over. I sighed once more wondering how my life became such a soap opera. I mean scheming fake friends, ex-boyfriend, (I guess i could call it that) with a secret filled past, a baby from the said ex, but you found out he fucking drugged you and your whole developing relationship was- what even was it? Written right for the television I say. I mean who even need's reality telly anymore when you've got this?

Everything that's happened in the last six months has just been a wild ride since the day I said yes to a date with Harry. That night I dreamt of my life if I didn't go to the cafe that particular day seven months ago. I'd be not pregnant, just a normal college kid, enjoying the normal college life. I guess everyone's life can't turn out perfect now can it? You just gotta take what life throws your way, and a lot of shit has happened to me.

But the worst thing that could've happened to me was falling in love with Harry Styles.


	17. Chapter 17

Louis~

"Thanks for letting me know before you run off to Yorkshire again," Zayn said with a grin, handing me my second bag.

I relieved him from it's weight and attempted to hug him back. When we withdrew from the awkward embrace, I said, "You could always come with me. Mum and the girls miss you like mad,"

Zayn shook his head, burying his hands into the pockets of his tight trousers (an item of clothing I since had given up due to the largeness of my stomach). "I've should probably use spring break to study. I've got a final as soon as it's over. Tell them I love 'em."

"Will do. See you in a week, mate,"

"Bye, Lou. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

"Always," I gave him a forced smile and watched him shut the door to our dorm for me. I let out a heavy sigh before walking towards the exit of the building.

I tried to get some sleep on the train, as it was about 23:00, but my overactive mind would allow no much thing. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get a certain manipulative asshat with curls and dimples out of my head. I knew I wouldn't be able to in the first place, but c'mon, brain. Simply seeing a stranger clad in a Ramones t-shirt made my heart throb in remembrance.

Why Harry Styles? Of all the lads at the Uni it had to be him. Of all feet the step into my favorite cafe, they had to be his. Of all the hands that pick up a pencil and draw beautiful pictures effortlessly, they had to be his. Of all the hearts in London, in England, in the world; He had to steal mine.

Now more than ever, I'm wishing for it back.

_

After a few hours of catching up with the entire family, Mum and I had decided to go shopping for Tommy. I stared out the window of her car lost in thought, as I seemed to be constantly.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Mum spoke thought the silence.

I spoke sullenly, "We're in England, and they cost a pound,"

"I reckon you don't want to speak of it, then?"

I turned my body to face forward. "I just wish Harry had told me he drugged me before I had all these intense, irritating feelings for him."

"Ah," Mum sighed, "I'm sorry, Dear. Love can be cruel sometimes. You've just got to figure if it's worth it or not."

"Who the hell knows what else Harry's keeping from me. Being happy with him for two months is not worth finding out he has AIDS and both me and the baby are going to die,"

Mum shook her head, amused slightly, "I think you'd know that by now."

Once we had arrived at our destination, Mum and I exited the car. I was beyond the point of caring about how people stared at me in public, what with my bump and all. Wide gazes followed me everywhere I went, and some people would kind of whisper to each other as if I couldn't see them. It used to bother me immensely, but then again, what's to be embarrassed about? None of this is my fault. Why should I feel remorse and shame for something that was out of my control?

"What kind of things are you looking for, then?" Mum inquired as we stepped into this baby shop. It was very quaint and organized, a section dedicated to strollers, a wall of baby clothes, isle of toys and bottles and formula and diapers.

Seeing all these tangible objects reminded me that there was actually a real live baby in my stomach and soon it wouldn't be there anymore, and I would be the one to care for him. That thought stressed me out even more. Frustrated, I snapped at Mum, "I don't know,"

"Have you bought anything at all for him yet?"

"Obviously not, or I wouldn't be here," I grumbled, growing increasingly more impatient.

Mum tossed her hands up, "I am so sorry, Highness. Start with this," She handed me a list and walked off to a separate isle.

I mumbled incoherent swear words and expressed my anger under my breath, glancing at the list and reading a few things. I traveled aimlessly through the isle, not really looking for what I was supposed to be getting. To be honest, I didn't want to be there, and I was completely done and I wasn't going to get anything accomplished.

Why did all of this happen to me? I didn't ask for a baby; I didn't ask for all the stress and heartbreak. I didn't want any of this, but it's what I get. What did I ever do?

I've always tried to be generally kind to people, and don't think I've ever done anything to deserve feeling like utter rubbish. If Harry had drugged me, why would he wait until I fell in love with him to tell me? Why wasn't he honest?

I was seething with rage, and I needed to get out of that shop before I hurt someone. I had never felt so completely hopeless and so majestically wroth in my entire life. It was like I was going mad; my mind spiraling into insanity. I couldn't seem to get a grip.

Luckily I was in solitude when I noticed my quavering hands. I stared down and watched them shake for a minute. Blood pumped violently through my veins and it felt as if I could burst at any moment. I clenched my fist in attempts to minimize the shivering.

"Alright, Lou, I got a- Hon, are you crying?" Mum said as she found me, staring at me in concern.

I flinched away from the hand she raised to stroke my hair. "I'm fine." I muttered shortly.

"Louis William, there are tears in your eyes, what has gotten into you?"

"I said I'm fine, Mum! Just leave me alone,"

This only worried her further, "Are you having a panic attack or something?"

"If I knew what the hell was going on, do you think I would disclose that information to you? I don't know what it is, I just can't be here right now, and I can't think about this damn baby."

"Alright, just breathe for me, yeah? We'll get out of here."

I covered my face with my still trembling fingers. I tried to minimize my crying, but you know the feeling when you're just completely drained and stressed and you've had enough? That's how I felt. I couldn't bare another thought about him or Thomas or anything.

Mum led me out of the shop in my mess of a state, then to the car. She opened the passenger's side door and let me slip in. As soon as the door shut again I let out a frustrated cry. Mum entered quickly as possible, rushing to my side and rubbing her hand against my back as I convulsed.

"I can't do this, I can't.. He was the only thing that gave me hope that I could pull this off.. I can't do this.. I can't do this on my own,"

Mum shushed me, combing her fingers through my hair. The tears eventually stopped falling as bad, leaving me in a state of utter discombobulation. Stress was a factor, but it was also how I felt about Harry, and anger and sadness. I was a mess.

"Louis, please, just look at me," Mum urged, placing both hands on my cheeks. My eyes were blurred by tears as I stared at her.

"I know what you're going through right now is really hard for you; I understand that. But you cannot and will not let it destroy you. I want this to be the last time I see you have a meltdown in public, do you understand me? Harry has treated you unfairly and now you have the stress of a newborn baby and little money. That's awful. But you are strong enough to get through this; and you have your friends and family's support. I'm not going to allow you to self-destruct."

"I'm not self-destructing," I retorted in exasperation. "I'm stressed out because I can't do this on my own, Mum! I don't know the first thing about taking care of a kid!"

"And Harry did?"

"Well, no. But we were going to figure it out together."

Mum perked her head at me, "That's what this is about, isn't it?"

"What? Harry?"

She nodded. I wiped underneath my eyes. "I don't know, partly."

"You were counting on starting a family with him, and now that he isn't in the picture you're scared."

"I guess so.." I muttered, staring down at my lap.

Mum let out a sigh. "Louis, you are the most capable person I know to have a child, and I'm not just saying that. Yes, you are nineteen, but you have so much experience with younger children and you are phenomenal with them. It's not like you have no knowledge."

"Yeah, I know what I'm doing, but when I baby-sat or watched the girls, it's not like they were my kids. It's a lot a pressure and responsibility. Too much."

"I can't seem to convince you that you're going to do fine with Tommy, I'm just going to let you know that I'm here for you no matter what choice you make."

I started chewing on my bottom lip. "Do you think I should give him up for adoption?"

"What?"

I glanced over at her, speaking slowly and sorrowfully, "I just had a freak-attack while we went shopping to get clothes and things for him. What's going to happen when he's actually here? Just the thought of him terrifies me; I'm 19, Mum, I'm not ready for this. I know you have it in your mind that I'm great with kids, but that doesn't mean I'm great with having the responsibility of my very own child. I'm not ready for this."

"Is that how you honestly feel?"

I nodded my head, feeling as if I could cry all over again. "I want him so badly, but I can't handle it. I can't,"

Mum let out a deep huff, placing her hands on the steering wheel. "I can't help but feel like you're giving up a little."

"It's better to give him to someone who wants a baby! I haven't even got my own life sorted, Mum, it'd be selfish to get him tangled up in this. I know I've talked about keeping him for all this time, and there had been a time where I was willing to kill to keep him, but I just... I can't do it, Mum.. He deserves proper parents."

"I support anything you decide, as always." was the last thing she said before starting the ignition and driving off.

Was I giving up? Everything I said was true, and my outburst in the baby-supply shop just proved it more. I'm not ready to take care of this baby on my own and go to uni and live in a tiny dorm. Harry is never going to help me out. What else is there to do?

At least this way he'll have a good, stable home where people are putting all their energy and attention towards him and only him.

I peered down at my pregnant stomach, rubbing it slightly. I love you, Thomas I thought. Or whatever they decide to name you.

_

"Does this mean you don't love Tommy anymore?" Daisy inquired quite innocently as I packed my suitcase.

"Of course I love him; he's my son." I answered, folding a shirt and laying it down.

"Then why are you getting rid of him?"

I sighed, peering up at her. I was to board the train back to London in about an hour. I had spent a majority of the week pretending to be happy in front of my family, but eventually they noticed. I told them I was giving Tommy up for adoption.

It's not that I wanted to "get rid" of Thomas, it's just that I don't think I'd be a functional parent for him. And I know I couldn't rely on Zayn, God love him anyways. I'd rather him be brought up properly without me than to have a miserable life with me. The world doesn't revolve round me, and I can't think that it does. I need to do what's best for my son. And now that Harry's out of the picture, how the hell would I even afford to take care of him?

"I'm not getting rid of him, Daisy, I'm letting someone who's ready to be a parent take care of him. I'm too young and stupid,"

"You aren't stupid!" Daisy immediately argued. "You could take care of your baby if you wanted to."

I grinned at my naive little sister. "It's not that easy, Love."

"Why not?"

I let out another long, exaggerated huff. "Good question."

Daisy reached over and dropped a doll-like hand onto my shoulder. "I believe in you, Louis. You're a great big brother."

My smile widened as I saw love in her eyes. I pulled her into a hug and held her tight. "Don't ever grow up on me, alright?"

She draped her arms round my neck and squeezed. "I won't." she whispered back.

 

I said my final goodbyes, and Fizzy had to physically pry the sobbing twins off my legs. But, I was off. Back to London where I would hopefully finish out the semester with no more drama, have Thomas, and get on with my life.

I found it even more difficult to fall asleep on the train this time round, more thoughts and worries circling my head like hungry vultures. I was still weight out the pros and cons of giving Thomas up for adoption, and the pros seemed to be out-weighing the cons every time I assessed the situations. I kept going over it again and again in my mind, trying to find a way that Thomas could stay with me and hoping that the outcome would be different.

It never was.

It was quite plain what I had to do to ensure he have a good life. It just broke my heart to do so.

It did kind of felt like I was giving up. I had carried him for several months now, put up with his asshole father, fallen in love with his asshole father, been in fights with my best mate, been broken, been manipulated, been used. And all for what? Giving my son to a stranger who can't have babies of their own? Sending him off to someone else because I can't handle the responsibility, even after everything?

That was essentially the situation, and feeling like a complete failure is where my hesitation to go through with the adoption plan comes. But, yet again, the world doesn't revolve around me, or my pride. The deciding factor is what's best for Thomas.

And I'm definitely not it.

_

As I began to followed the herd of retreating college fresh-mans, my professor called my name. Terrified that I had done something wrong, I froze in my tracks.

"Well, come on over here, then." Professor Lestrade spoke, shuffling some papers on his desk.

He was an older French gentlemen, about 5'4" with salt-and-pepper scruff on his chin. He had only two expressions; a scowl, or a warm smile. Luckily for me he was wearing the second one.

"I want to ask you a personal question," He began, his accent faint, but still there.

I swallowed hard, leaning against the wall next to his desk slightly. "Yes, sir?"

He peered up at me out of his circular spectacles, as if pondering whether or not he wanted to actually verbalize his inquiry. "I've noticed that your stomach has grown exponentially, and it doesn't seem to be from poor dietary habits.."

I shook my head. "Got knocked up."

Lestrade nodded, surprisingly not uncomfortable by my bluntness. "Does a young, nineteen year old man plan on keeping it?"

I chewed my bottom lip, dropping my confident gaze. "That's undetermined. But, most likely I won't."

"What's your preference?"

I sighed, "I've always wanted to be a father; especially to a son. But, his father's not really in the picture anymore, and there is absolutely no way I could take care of this baby on my own and go to school, so,"

Lestrade hummed. "You make excellent points, Mr. Tomlinson. But answer me this; if you had no choice whatsoever, and you had to take Thomas in, would you do anything and everything in your power to love and take care of him."

I nodded without hesitation. "Certainly."

"Would you give your heart for your child?"

Again, I nodded.

Lestrade's chapped lips curled upward in a grin. He looked as if he were dreaming. "Sometimes, all you need is all your heart. Think about it."

Sometimes, all you need is all your heart. And I did think about it on my way out of the door.

Submerged in the line of wisdom my Lestrade had given me, I didn't notice Niall standing before me right away. But, when I did, I noticed that he looked worried; almost like he'd be sick.

"Where've you been?"

I lifted an eyebrow at him. "Yorkshire. Are you alright?"

He shook his head. "It's Harry."

I rolled my eyes, pushing past him. "That asshole isn't my problem anymore."

"You don't understand," Niall called out, following me as I began picking up my pace. "He's completely given up. The only thing he's said in the past week is 'I'm not hungry'. He won't sleep, he won't eat, and he won't move from that damn couch. I'm not asking you to marry him on a beach in Australia; I'm just asking you to talk to him."

"So, you want me to talk to him when him not talking to me caused this whole mess in the first place? Him not telling me what he did to me?"

Niall sighed, shaking his head. "I told Harry a million and one times to be upfront with you, but he was scared of losing you. He didn't want you to leave him."

I almost laughed, "He has a proper funny way of showing it."

"Yeah, he does. He's worse with his emotions than a cartoon villain. But he's still a person; and he's still my best friend. And the only thing that's going to save his life right now is you."

I began to feel angry. I glared at him. "You're really going to put his life in my hands? What gives you the right to put all that pressure on me?"

Niall shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets. "Nothing does. I'm just telling you the truth. Harry needs you."

"Yeah, and I don't need Harry. Tell him I said he can find another nineteen year old to drug and trick and lie to. Maybe they'll fall in love with him as well."

With that I stormed off, hastily trekking back to my dorm. I couldn't be seen by anyone else. I went straight to my bed room without saying a word to Zayn and Liam. I shut the door, locked it, and threw my weeping self onto my mattress.

If I'm being honest, all I really wanted was Harry's strong, warm arms round my. The smell of him intoxicating me; cheap cologne and dryer sheets. I wanted to hear his morbid voice whisper in my ear that it's going to be alright. I wanted to know he was there in some way.

Now it seems like Harry and I are back to square one; both of us living our nightmares all over again. Being lonely.

I've always had my Mum, my sister, and Zayn. And while Mum and Zayn are my best friends and great listeners, I don't feel any sort of profound bond with them. I can't connect of an emotional level. And other than them, I didn't really have any friends. I wasn't bullied or anything like that, but I'm that kid everyone was kind of indifferent towards. The kind no one would really be sad if they just died, and the kind no one would notice if I didn't show up to school. I've just felt kind of alone.

But not when I'm with Harry. I can talk to him about anything from religion and love to whether waffles are better than pancakes and Disney films, and we can get really in depth. It's like I can say anything and he'll either agree, or at least understand. I love being able to be so open with someone and to share that kind of connection. I wasn't alone anymore.

Harry was neglected. He spent his entire life being ignored in a giant mansion where his parents were too consumed in their love of money and their work to be bothered to cater to their burden of a son's needs. He didn't even know what it was like to have someone care about him until Niall and his ex-boyfriend, Jesse came along. Sure, he other friends, but very few and once they saw how messed up he was, they decided it would be easier for them not to get involved. Then Jesse died and Harry completely checked out. He barely survived souly because of Niall. Then he met a short, sassy kid from Donny and found something to chase again.

He didn't need to go to the bar every night and take someone home. Or drink, or steal, or con. He was content with talking to me, being with me. He didn't need a substance or meaningless sex to fill his emptiness anymore. He wasn't alone anymore.

It's quite plain that we both need each other. If I can't go a week without feeling like I'm being slowly and painfully tortured, not being with him. And he hasn't eaten, slept, or moved because he doesn't want to live without me. It's like we're bound for life; and that both scares and comforts me.

Yes, of course I'll always love Harry. But he kept that hideous secret from me for so long. I don't know if I can ever fully trust him again.

But I still need him more than I need oxygen.

I finally stopped crying enough to sit up and wipe the tears from my cheeks. I curled up at the head of the bed and traced circles against my pregnant stomach, humming softly. In doing this, I heard a pound on my bedroom door. I spoke weakly, encouraging whomever it was to enter.

In walked Zayn with a perplexed expression on his face. "This creepy little blonde bloke shows up at the door and tells me to deliver this package to you. I dunno what it is. I hope it's not a bomb,"

Curious, I arose from my position and took the parcel from him. I examined it and found it to be completely blank on the outside. I tore of the tape, liberating the cardboard flaps. Sitting in the small container was two slips of paper folded hamburger style, different materials. I picked up the thicker looking one and opened it, utterly shocked to find a drawing of me that Harry had created.

I pinched my eyebrows together in confusing, and my heart began pounding harder. I swallowed hard before picking up the other piece of paper cautiously. I opened it and red a note in messy print.

_Tell Harry I'm done screwing around. I know all about his little family and I know what buttons to press. Cheers.xx_

_-G_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forget to post this fic on here bc we write it all on wattpad so if it feels like it's been a while do not hesitate to remind me. i read comments very often

Louis~

The next day, I decided to get over myself and talk to Harry. Considering I couldn't sleep a wink last night due to the fear that his creepy ex-business partner was going to chop me up into little pieces and eat me in the night, I think I better get the big, strong twenty-year-old involved.

It took away every shred of pride that I ever had to tap on the red-painted door of Harry and Niall's flat. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to look as much like I didn't want to be there as possible.

It was round noon and mid May, so I could finally walk outside without getting hypothermia. The weather that day was particularly wonderful; fluffy, white cumulus clouds hanging in the brilliant blue sky. You could smell the pollen in the air which was quite lovely for me, but I dreaded it for anyone with allergies.

A few quick moments later, Niall swung the door open, shocked blue eyes landing on me, jaw dropping slightly. "Louis?"

"Yeah, it's me," I rolled my eyes. "Close your mouth; you'll catch flies."

He invited me in and I set foot into the house, my gaze immediately landing on the miserable looking curly-haired lad on the couch. His dull emerald eyes flicked to me. His expression shifted, but was still unreadable.

"It's a wonder you're still alive." I said to him, slowly ambling closer. I gestured with my words, "Get up. We're getting you food."

Harry furrowed his brow and improved his posture, still sitting. When he finally spoke it sounded gravelly, but it didn't possess that intimidating emphasis he once had. It sounded like a regular man with a cold. "Why are you here?"

"I just told you why I'm here. Now, get your lazy ass up, I'm taking you for lunch."

"Louis, I-"

"Don't make me drag you."

"But-"

"One,"

"I'm not five-"

"Two. I get to three and you're in for it."

He almost smiled.

"Three."

I leaned over and grasped his forearm, tugging and pulling him upright. I could tell Niall wasn't exaggerating when he said Harry had ate or slept. He had dark circles under his eyes, his usually cocky facade was gone, and he appeared, dare I say, very weak. I scrutinized his condition and decided he needed a change of clothes.

"C'mon," I huffed, leading him to his bedroom. I shut the door after he stumbled in behind me, then collapsed on the bed. It was a chore for him to simply walk nine meters, which depressed me a little bit. I began searching through his wardrobe for an outfit of his that I liked.

"Why are you doing this?" Harry hoarsely inquired. After I had taken out a Rolling Stones t-shirt straight out of the '70's and some tattered black jeans, I turned to him.

"I've got to talk to you."

"About what? Are you okay?" He rushed to ask, becoming suddenly somewhat animated.

I nodded, tossing him the clothes. "I'm fine, just wanted to discuss something."

Harry gazed at me warily. "What's going on?"

I propped myself against the wall. "Get dressed. We'll talk while we're out."

He complied, and I will whole-heartily admit that I didn't turn away when he stripped down to his underwear with painful slowness. I took in the beautiful sight that I missed; all his muscles and tattoos and the perfect imperfections on his skin, the idiosyncrasies of his body. It baffles me that something so perfect screwed up my life so badly.

Once Harry had put on the outfit I ordered him to, he tugged on his boots and wrapped a bandana round his outrageously messy hair. He finally looked at me and yawned cutely. I grinned. "Ready then, Asshat?"

"Born ready, Twink."

I kicked myself in the foot for bantering with him already. Why is it so impossible to stay mad at him? Oh, that's right, because I missed him so much and he's really fit and everything he does is perfect and I'm hopelessly and unequivocally in love with him. Right now I just want to pounce on him, but I might knock him out.

I tipped my invisible hat to Niall as me and the visibly exhausted Harry paraded out of their flat. I peered at Harry and opened my hand, "I'll drive."

Harry scoffed, "You are not going to wreck her."

I tossed my eyes round my skull. "This isn't Mario Kart, Harry, I actually know how to drive, alright? And you'll more than likely fall asleep at the wheel."

"I'm perfectly alert."

"Is that right?" I challenged, leaning down and removing my shoe, chucking it at him saying, "Catch!" He gave a valiant effort to do so, but it unfortunately for him fell to the ground. I simpered at him and I slid my Vans back on. "Give me the keys."

He let out an exasperated huff and reluctantly set them in the palm of my hand. "Don't hurt her. She's fragile."

"She's a big-ass truck, Curly, I think I can handle myself."

He muttered under his breath as I climbed into the drivers seat. He got in on the right side and stared daggers at me. "Please be careful."

"Loosen your corset, I know how to bloody drive." I started the car and catiously back out of the driveway. Harry slackened once we drove a little and decided I wasn't as terrible as he thought I was. I kept my eye on the road, but I noticed him dozing off.

I've only seen Harry asleep a few times, but it was something I loved to see for some reason. He looked so innocent and precious. His bottom lip stuck out slightly and his long, dark eyelashes brushed against his slightly rosy cheeks.

It's also one of the only times I ever saw him quiet or without that bloody smirk on his lips.

I pulled up to a quaint little restaurant about ten minutes into Harry's slumber. I grinned as I reached over and shook him, "Up. Sleeping Beauty needs sustenance."

Harry groaned, his lip sticking out further. "Five more minutes."

"Nice try. You really need to eat."

After much protesting, I had finally managed to get Harry out of the car and enter the restaurant I visited every so often. We took a seat on a red, leather booth in the corner. Harry appeared even more exhausted.

"How about you just get some food in you then I take you back home for a nap?" I suggested, chuckling as he laid his head on the table.

He smiled lazily at me. "I want to talk to you."

"About?" I inquired.

"Anything."

I was about to speak before the pretty, blonde waitress came up and took our order. She seemed to really love her job. (That was sarcasm, if you didn't pick up on it). Once she was off again, Harry peered up at him.

"So.. Why the hunger strike?" I spoke, sipping on the water our waitress so graciously brought me.

Harry tossed himself up and leaned back against the booth. "I think you know why. You're just too insecure to admit it."

I countinued to hold his gaze. "You didn't have to stop living because I was gone."

"What's the point of living when you've got nothing to live for?"

I dropped my eyes to my cup, slowly stirring the water with my straw. I mumbled, "Find something else to live for."

"I don't want to. You and Thomas were all I had." His face was sullen again. "I'm sorry, Louis."

"Yeah, I know you are."

"But you forgive me."

I glanced back up at him and narrowed my eyes. "And, what makes you say that?"

He cracked a small smile. "You're here, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean.." I trailed off. "Never mind. I came because I needed to tell you about some things."

Harry propped his elbows up on the table, attempting to look not completely fatigued for my sake. "I'm all ears."

I exhaled deeply, a bit hesitant to touch the first topic. I know his reaction isn't going to be ideal. "First thing's first; Thomas."

Harry raised an eyebrow, encouraging me to continue. I bit the inside on my cheek. "I, uh.. I'm going to give him up for adoption."

Harry paused for a moment, looking absolutely gutted. He finally exclaimed, "Why?"

"I don't know the first thing about being a parent, for one. He wouldn't be in a good place with me. I want him to have a good life."

"We can give him a good life, Lou." Harry retorted, brow furrowing. He was beginning to become quite vexed with me.

"We," I repeated with a sad smile. "We, Harry?"

"Yes," He confirmed. "You and I. Look, I know I should've told you what I did before, and I'm not trying to justify what I did; but other than that I've never lied to you, Louis. That person you've been with for the past few months isn't fake."

"Bullshit, Harry, you've lied to me loads. You've lied and hid things from me this entire time. How am I supposed to believe anything you say?"

Harry took in a deep, irritated breath. "I'm rubbish at this emotions stuff, but all I know is when I wake up in the morning, you're the first thought that pops into my mind. And when my head hits the pillow at night, you're the last vision I see before I close my eyes and dream of you. Every second you aren't near me, it hurts a little bit more. I didn't want to be alive because you were gone, and you weren't coming back. I need you, Louis. I need you more than I need to eat, or sleep, or drink or dream. I need your hand in mine and your voice telling me that you're here and you aren't going anywhere. I need you, Louis. And I know that you probably don't want to, but I think you need me, too."

I swallowed hard, staring down at the slowly melting ice-cubes in my cup. He was completely right, but I really didn't want to tell him that. "I can't trust you, Harry. It's quite plain that we have feelings for each other, but I don't know what else you're keeping from me and I don't want to be having a second child with you only to find out that you cook meth with Niall or something."

"It's not like that anymore,"

"How do I know that?"

Harry sighed, "You'll just have to trust me."

I stared up at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes and the desperation in his features. "I just don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why you of all people had to be the one to knock me up."

Harry grinned to match mine. "You just happen to be one of those lucky people."

"Clearly," I replied, leaning forward. "I'll be frank, Harry, I need you, too. This week has taught me a lot. I just can't help but wonder.. Why didn't you just tell me about the rufies before?"

"I know, I should've been completely upfront," He sighed, running his long fingers through his tousled curls. "In my mind; if I told you, you were going to officially hate me and leave and never come back. S'why I waited so long to tell you. Then, you did leave and I.. I didn't want to live anymore. If it weren't for Niall..."

He cleared his throat. I licked my lips. "I'm sorry. I just.. I was just hurt,"

He nodded in reply. "Don't be sorry. I should've been honest. I've gotta learn my lesson sometime. But, please.. Don't give Thomas away?"

I sighed, leaning back like he was, "That issue isn't mainly centered round you. I'm just honestly not ready to be a father."

"You were before,"

"I know. The closer and closer he gets to being here, though, the more terrified I get. I want him to be happy and have the best life anyone could possibly have. I'm just afraid I can't give him that,"

"I'll do anything, Louis. I'll buy a separate flat just for you, Tommy, and I. I'll get a job. I'll get two jobs. I do anything. Please, just don't give him away."

I looked at his pleading face with guilt and despair in my eyes. "What if something goes wrong because I'm a fuck up parent?"

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Lou," Harry told me. His expression shifted slightly as he spoke facetiously, "I think I'll be much more of a fuck up parent then you will."

"Shut up," I almost laughed, covering my face with my hands. I listen to him chuckle slightly as I dragged my fingers through my already messy hair.

"At least consider an alternative option?" Harry asked.

I nodded. "I'm just not prepared."

Harry understood, and I was so glad that he did. Topic number two is up. I reached in my pocket and fished out the note and the portrait of me, drawn by Harry. "So.. I get a knock on my door yesterday and your friend had paid a visit.."

Harry made a face, "What friend?"

I sighed, pushing the papers over to him. He examined them as the waitress set our food down on the table. I thanked her then glanced at Harry, watching him get visibly angry. "That fucking bastard. I'm gonna kill him. I'm going to slit his throat then drink his blood."

"Yeah, have fun in a correctional facility after that, psychopath. Eat your food."

He did as I said, despite being absolutely livid. Although, he didn't consume ravenously as I had predicted, what with him fasting for about a week.

"How are you not scarfing that food down? You've got to be starving,"

Harry looked up from his plate. "I've gone a while without eating before. You build up an endurance."

I perked my head at him. "When have you gone without eating before?"

His eyes began to do that distant thing again; kind of like he was having a flash-back. "When I got older in my glamorous existence with my parents, I began to notice that they actually just cared more about their work than me. So, I'd try things.. Like not eating for a while.. Or, uh.. Cutting.. A lot of things I regret. But, it never got their attention."

"Wow.." With my sisters constantly fighting for my attention, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be ignored. Ignored to the point of which your own parents wouldn't notice you self-harming. I peered at him, trying not to look pitiful. He hated that. But, I was, and he knew that. "That's horrible.."

He just shrugged. "Did Gabriel say anything to you?"

I shook my head no, "Zayn answered the door. He gave me a box with the note and picture."

Harry groaned, scrutinizing the two slips of paper. "Just his hand-writing makes me sick to my stomach."

I peered over at the drawing, "How did he even get that?"

"Well, ever since he came over to ask me to help him last week, my sketch-books been missing."

"Dick," I muttered. "Is he actually going to do anything?"

Harry scoffed, "No. I've made it very plain that if he doens't anything to you I will not hesitate to end his life."

"When did.. Okay. Then why is he threatening me?"

"Because he's a stupid asshole who won't leave me alone. And I'm going to go talk to him." Harry announced, standing up and pushing his chair in.

"Harry, wait," I threw down a tip on the table and chased after him. "You should probably not."

"And why's that, Princess?" He pushed the door open for me. Yay, he's back.

"What if it gets violent?"

"Keys," He demanded, upturning his palm. "And what if it gets violent?"

I dug into my pocket and tossed him his car keys on entering his truck. "You're barely half awake,"

"I'm 100% awake, I have no clue what you're on about." Harry counter-claimed, turning his keys in the ignition. I rolled my eyes.

"You're insane."

"Only slightly."

_

I was dragged to Gabe's house with Harry. It was, as expected, quite large and nice. It looked like some official, business man resided behind the tall, white walls and carefully manicured lawns. Harry parked in the driveway and peered at me. "Stay here."

"No way, I'm coming with you."

Harry growled as I un-clicked my seat belt. "I don't want you to come."

"Why?" I smirked at him slightly. "Are you afraid?"

"I would be if you came. Not by myself."

"What's that tiny little blonde bloke going to do to me?"

Harry gave me a look before reaching over and buckling me up again. "I'll be back shortly, Love," he told me, pecking me on the cheek then exiting the car. I quickly followed him, much to his agitation.

"I asked you for one simple favor."

"And I asked you not to go in the first place. Guess we're both disappointments."

Harry grumbled with a disgruntled expression, "When did you become my wife?"

"I've been your wife, Sunshine," I told him, knocking on the door of Gabe's house a little too eagerly for Harry's liking. He tried to puff up and step in front of me. I chuckled and spoke ironically, "Your testosterone levels are overwhelming."

"You just find yourself adorable, don't you?"

"Only slightly,"

Moments later, a familiar figure appeared at the door. He was clad in a red t-shirt, jeans, and a messy hair-style. An arrogant smile sat on his lips.

"You've returned, dear Styles."

"What on Earth gives you the impression that it's okay to talk to Louis?" Harry demanded in a menacing tone.

Gabe was still utterly delighted by this scenario. He leant against the door-frame. "Whatever do you mean?"

I merely spectated as Harry got more and more in a temper. He pulled out the note and drawing with little caution and threw them straight at Gabe's face. "Threatening Louis isn't going to get you anywhere but the hospital."

"Don't think of it as a threat," Gabe urged calmly. I suppose his demeanour was condescending by natural. "It was merely an incentive."

"Why do you even continue to try with me? I told you I'm done. I'm not going to take advantage of people anymore."

Gabe crossed his arms over his chest. "It's a shame, really. But, that's not what I'm after anymore."

Harry knit his eyebrows together again, "Then what the hell do you want?"

Gabe stepped closer to Harry. My lad tensed when the blond one came closer. I could tell he was doing his best to hold back a punch.

"I've managed to replace you quite quickly, Harry. Don't misread me; it was a pity for you to go. you were one of the more... Persistent brutes. Since we've spent a lot of time together and you quite on me after we made quite a lot of money, I would appreciate if you gave it back."

"What? The money?"

Gabe nodded in confirmation. Harry shook his head, laughing a little bit. "You wanted money, so you threatened the person I love for it?"

My heart fluttered. I widened my eyes slightly. Did he just say he loved me?

"That sounds exactly like what I did."

Harry continued chortling sarcastically. "Wow, you are absolutely pathetic. I'll give you more money if that's really what you feel like you need, Gabe. But any amount of money you end up with isn't going to mean a damn thing. You'll still be a manipulative, terrible human being. And you'll be alone. Take all my money. Take anything you want. I don't need it as long as I have Louis."

I couldn't cease the proud grin the crept across my lips as Gabe stood, sputtering for the first time I've seen. Harry tapped his cheek. "Good luck, Old friend. Stop by mine to collect what you want." He then turned and took my hand, walking back to his truck. We both got in and began driving.

"What was that?" I asked with a smile.

"What do you mean?" He peered over at me momentarily, then looked back at the road.

"That cute little speech you gave Gabe."

"It wasn't cute, it was insightful." Harry corrected.

"Oh, my apologies." I chortled, staring out the window.

"I meant every word, you know?" Harry spoke up again.

I turned my head to face him. Memories flashed through my head of the many, various times I've watched him drive round with his old, band t-shirts and painted arms. Although he still possessed his arrogance, there was something different about him. Kind of like someone turned on his sunshine. And, maybe it was me.

"I know." I assured him with a smile.

 

Harry~

Niall had left by the time Louis and I got back to the flat. I was suddenly not tired anymore, despite the fact that I spent damn near a week sulking on that couch. I didn't move or eat or do anything. I couldn't even sleep. It was like I was completely cut off from the world; stuck in a constant state of why the fuck am I still alive.

But, now that he's back I'm determined to make it right. I think it's pretty evident how bad I am at the feelings and emotions and what not, but I'm going to try to suck it up so Louis knows that he really does mean a lot to me.

Maybe all that Titanic watching finally rubbed off on me. Or, maybe it was just Louis. Either way, I kind of like it, but I was never really the "mushy" type before. The most romantic thing I said to Jesse was "I love you." I want things to be different.

"Do you want to take a nap or something, Harry? You're running on empty here," Louis asked, kind of grinning at me. Gosh, he's adorable. I shook my head.

"M'fine. I want to talk to you."

"Harry, you can talk to me when you wake up. I'm not going to leave to Yorkshire again. Even though I'm still very angry with you."

"No, I'm not tired,"

Louis place a hand on my shoulder. "You are literally swaying, go to bed. Would it make you feel better if I laid next to you?"

I nodded my head slowly. Louis raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

Louis sighed. "Fine. I've got no plans."

I grinned, hooking arms with him and walking to my bedroom. I opened the door and stepped inside, immediately removing my trousers and flopping down on the bed. It felt so good to lay down against the comfortable mattress. I grinned when I felt a small weight next to me. I looked up at a slightly irritated Louis.

"Thank you," I sang. He rolled his eyes.

"Shut up and sleep, you giant baby."

I chuckled, reaching over and snaking an arm round his waist. He didn't protest, much to my surprise. In fact, he leaned into me. I pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek and whispered to him, "Well, you're a small baby."

Louis chuckled. "Clever. Get some rest, Love."

I allowed my eyes to flutter shut as I laid there with Louis next to me. I wondered if he would be there when I woke up. And, somehow, I knew he would be.


	19. Chapter 19

Louis~

I don't know what Zayn was thinking; sending eight and a half month pregnant man to do the grocery shopping. I was stomping round half the time angry that I had to get up, and then I spent the other half of the time looking through baby stuff.

I was almost finished retrieving all the items from the list when I rolled the trolley across a baby isle, and I couldn't resist stopping. I took a little stroll through it and felt myself get emotional (damn hormones). There were so much cute stuff; tiny clothing and miniature shoes that could fit on my fingers. Bottles and blankets and toys and teething rings and cribs and car seats.

I smiled to myself, resting a hand on Thomas. I began to wonder what he'd be like when he grew up. Would he like football like me or would he be more creative like Harry? Will he inherit my tiny stature or Harry's large frame? Will he be arrogant and smug by nature or will he be kind and sweet?

So many questions I was dying to know the answer to.

It's times like this were I feel bad about my plans to give Thomas up for adoption. I want to know how my son turns out. I want to be there through the first steps and words and walk him through the ropes of life.

But, I want to give him his best shot. And that's definitely not with me.

I didn't even realize I was crying until a tear trickled down my face. I grumbled to myself for being an emotional wreck before wiping my eyes and moving on.

_

"Did you get milk?"

"No, forgot."

"Bread?"

"Nope."

"Paper towels?"

"Yeah. Wait, nope."

Zayn shook his head at me while we put away the items I did remember. "Sending you to the shop was more pointless than a walrus with no limbs."

"Be grateful I came back with anything. I'm pregnant and give less fucks than I did before."

"I just don't understand how you remembered Oreos and not paper towels,"

I lowered myself onto a kitchen chair with a grunt. "Oreos are more important to me."

"Obviously," Zayn scoffed, placing the last item in the cupboard. He then took a seat across from me and gave me a small grin. "How you holding up?"

I snickered. "My stomach weighs more than my entire body and I constantly feel like sleeping or crying."

"Well, look on the bright side. You're still hot even with a baby bump,"

I whipped my nonexistent hair. "Fat but fab."

We shared a laugh together before he shifted the subject. "So, I was chatting with Harry yesterday and-"

"Pause," I interrupted him mid-sentence. I rose an eyebrow in disbelief, "You and Harry were having civilized conversation?"

Zayn rolled his eyes. "Hardly. He's such a condescending asshole."

I smirked fondly. "It's a tiny bit sexy, isn't it?"

"No, not really. Any how, he mentions that you're still thinking about giving Thomas up for adoption?"

I let out a sigh and set my head back. "Of course this would come up again."

"You haven't got to explain yourself, I just wanted to know what you're thinking, mate,"

"Thomas is my son and I love him but I want to give him a good life. I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm not ready for a child."

"How do you mean? You're great with kids,"

I was growing impatient at this point, and I replied with a huff, "I think having your own baby living in a shitty dorm with little income is a bit different than babysitting."

Zayn shrugged. "Whatever you think's best, then."

"What? You don't think I'm making the right choice?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I never said that. But, I know you'll regret not having your son and I'm gonna have to sit and listen to you cry about it."

"I will not cry about it, Zayn Malik. And I'll be happy if he's happy!"

Zayn stood, pushing in his chair and looking at my stomach. "Who says you and Harry wouldn't make him happy?"

He walked out with that stupid, mysterious smolder on his stupid face.

I know it's a selfish and petty request, but I just wish someone would agree with me on this. Everyone believes in me and says I'd make an ace parent and I shouldn't give up but I'm scared half to death about this. If I kept him and screwed up his life how would I be able to deal with that?

I only wish someone else saw it from my perspective. If that was the case then no one would let me keep a kid.

 

Harry~

I get a text from Gabriel yesterday that I found quite interesting.

"I'm not going to take your money, Styles. Just remember what I taught you; you can't climb to the top of the hill without getting your hands dirty. Best wishes. -Gabe.xx"

He's adorable. People like that are never going to understand the concept of happiness and I can't bring myself to feel bad for them. I've learned having a shitty life doesn't give you a free pass to be an asshole.

I've started looking at myself and realizing the gradual change that's been going on within. To think eight and a half months ago I was proud of myself for the clever plan I had conducted to get Louis into bed with me. I look back at those days and cringe.

Now I'm just trying to do anything I can to show Louis that we could take care of Thomas together. I want more than anything to raise my son with Louis; but he doesn't trust me, and I'm afraid this one's going to slip away from me. I can't expect things to just work out for me anymore. That's one issue that comes with doing the right thing.

Louis doesn't know this, but before I told him about the ruffies and everything went to hell again, I had already begun redecorating the guest bedroom to be a baby room. So, if he ends up giving Tommy up for adoption, I'm going to show him the crib and the meticulously painted stork on the freshly coated baby clue walls and do my best to make him feel guilty about it. I can't be all good, now, can I?

Still not giving up hope, I purchased a crib to put in Tommy's room. Unbeknownst to my knowledge, you had to build it on your own. I wondered how they fit it in that box.

After an hour of frustration and me swearing at myself whilst trying to assemble the baby bed, Niall came home from work. He took one look at me and the mess that I had created and shook his head. "You don't have to use power tools for this one, you know?"

I growled, tossing the electric screw-driver into the ground. "Well, the stupid bars won't snap into the proper place like they're supposedly supposed to. I had to take matters into my own hands."

Niall tossed his car keys on the coffee table and knelt down beside me. He scanned his eyes round my work space. "Where are the instructions?"

"You don't need the instructions."

"There's your problem," He mused, reaching into the box and pulling out a boring looking pamphlet. I picked up one of the metal attachments and began twirling it between my fingers as he read. "See, you were going about it all wrong; they have the green and blue tapes for a reason."

"I can figure it out on my own, Mum," I impatiently grumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Obviously you can't, so don't be annoying about me helping you. You didn't even read the instructions," He went on, beginning to carry out the steps by connecting a few poles.

"They're just suggestions." I muttered return.

"When they're specific, idiot proof instructions like this, I don't think they're suggestions," Niall counter-claimed with a chuckle.

"How'd you mean, 'idiot proof'?" I inquired, dropping the white, metal pole I was twirling to the carpet with a clatter.

He blinked at me. "Idiot proof meaning even daft people like you could do it with they read the damn directions."

"You know what," I grumbled as he stood. I picked up one of the poles and slapped him in the bum with it. "You're an ass."

He jumped and let out a high-pitched squeal, making me laugh. He quickly leaned down and picked up a thicker one, hitting me in the arm.

"Ouch, man! That one hurt!"

"Awe, the bad boys vulnerable now, ladies and gents," Niall announced to the nonexistent crowd, smacking me again with the metal stick. I flinched then glared at him playfully.

"This is war."

And so the battle commenced. I picked up the longest, thickest pole I could find and began chasing Niall round with it. It stung like hell, but nonetheless, we both laughed like idiots when we got whacked. We were essentially five again.

I tripped over the rug while running round the couch and stumbled into the couch. Niall laughed triumphantly and rose his weapon, but I blocked the blow with my own metal rod. I covered my mouth with my free-hand and lowered my voice. "Luke... I am your Father."

Niall widened his eyes and gasped mockingly, "No,"

"Yes." I replied, hitting my pole against his yet again, this time making light-saber sound effects. I stood and we continued the battle like we were fencing, both of us going kssh, kssh each time it hit.

This went on for several minutes and ended up getting pretty heated. Finally, the front door swung open and in walked Valarie, Niall's pretty, red-headed girlfriend. "Niall, you left your-"

She stopped in her tracks when she witnessed what we were up too. Niall immediately dropped his 'light-saber' as I grinned cheekily at her. "Hello, Love. Care to join?"

Niall laughed a little as he walked over to her. I flopped on the couch and scrunched my nose as they shared a kiss. "Ewe," I sang. "Straight people."

Valarie shot me a look as they pulled away. "Where's your boyfriend, Loser?"

"Nonexistent, thanks for reminding me."

"You know what I mean," She rolled her brown eyes at me, grinning slightly.

I smiled. "I dunno, off being cute somewhere. I see you haven't found someone better than that Irish asshole yet."

"Nope. That's impossible," She spoke, smiling at the blushing Niall.

"Stop, you'll turn his whole face red."

"Shut it, Harry." Niall muttered. "You gonna be alright here by yourself?"

"I'm not going to kill myself, if that's what you're implying," I retorted. He gave me the 'Please don't joke like that, Haz' look that I knew all too well. I sighed. "I'll be fine. Go have some disgustingly sweet couple time."

"We will," Niall winked then led Valarie out the door.

I let out a huff and stared back at the crib. "How the hell am I gonna get this done?"

About five minutes into me trying to continue what Niall had started with the crib, I was saved by the bell. I answered my mobile phone, "This is Harry Styles. If you annoy me hang up now,"

"Harry?"

I knit my eyebrows together, not recognizing the voice. "Obviously. Who might this be?"

"A bit of respect would be ideal, young man. This is your mother."

I felt sick to my stomach immediately. That's a voice I haven't heard in so long. It wasn't refreshing to hear on the other line out of the blue. It was terrifying. All of my worst fear surfaced and I gulped before replying. "How the hell did you get my number?"

"Details are not pertinent. Time is of the essence. Would you prefer me to get down to brass tacks?"

I lowered myself onto the couch, my shock and nerves slowly turning into anger. "So, this is just another business call?"

"Frankly so," she returned mater-of-factly. "Would you like me to ask how you are?"

"I wanted you to ask me how I was a long time ago, but business comes first, as per usual. What do you want from me?"

"I would like to arrange a meeting between the two of us and your father. It seems that your Nan has finally taken her last breath, and she left something for you."

I impatiently wetted my lips. "You mean the Nan I met twice, and the first time was at a wedding? Why would I get anything from her?"

"You are her eldest grandson. Shall we say afternoon tea tomorrow?"

Blinding wrath billowed within me. I tried desperately not to lose my temper, but like a tea kettle coming to a boil, I was about to flip my lid. "Afternoon tea?"

"Yes, Love. Tomorrow. You can pick up the locket and substantial amount of money she left to you after her passing."

"What the actual fuck?"

"Excuse me?" She scoffed, appalled.

"After everything, you just except me to show up your house with no problems? You expect me to waltz right through the front door with a big cheesy grin on my face?"

Mother paused. "Why, yes. Why not?"

"Because I fucking hate you. You and that asshat you call a husband have never done anything for me. All you've ever given two shits about is your stupid work. Not when I was eight and sprained my wrist falling out of a tree in the back yard, not when I got one of my painting hung in a proper gallery at 16, not when I needed to cry or eat or play. Not when my boyfriend died in a fire, and not when Louis is about to give birth to my child. You've never cared about me and you think that I'm willing to open up a day to you?" I shouted into the phone, my emotions clouding my better judgment. My eyes widened when I realized what information I had let slip.

"Your child?"

I began to feel nervous again. I cleared my throat, "That's none of your concern."

"I believe it is. Although you are not wanting nor willing to admit it, I am still your mother."

"No," I disagreed coldly, with a dry chuckle. "You aren't not and will never be my mother. You're just the bitch that brought me into this world. No tea tomorrow. I'll stop by and get my things. Good-bye."

With that I hung up, throwing my mobile phone onto the couch and dropping my head into my hands. "Goddamn it,"

_

I had purposely dressed in my least attractive attire. Torn up black jeans, t-shirt straight out of 1978, and boots that were beyond falling apart. I rolled up to the drive way of the giant house we had moved to when I was 13. I had faint memories of packing my life up and moving from Cheshire to London stream through my brain. Course, it wasn't traumatic. The only thing I'd be leaving behind in the posh town is the play-set I used as a kid that I had since lost interest in, and the grave of my departed pet frog; Surge.

I put my truck in park and exhaled deeply. I didn't know what I was expecting, but my stomach churn with every second I stayed in that place. I finally mustered up the will to exit my vehicle. I took my time leisurely ambling to the front door, and once I got there, I took a few more seconds to lift my hand and ring the bell, seeing as knocking would be pointless. The door was made entirely of glass.

I kicked one foot behind the other and tried to look as disinterested as possible as I waited for the dainty woman to trot to the door an pull it open for me. When this occurred, she appeared just as utterly indifferent as I did.

Her dark hair was pulled back into a bun as bangs swept across her forehead. She wore a flattering black dress and expensive jewelry. Her cold, brown eyes stared at me like I was a liability, as per usual. She spoke in a monotone voice. "Welcome, Son. Please step in and take your shoes off as you enter."

I disregarded her request to slip off my boots as I stepped onto the floor. "Just give me what Nan left for me and I'll be on my merry way, thanks."

"Harry. Your father is in the media room. We would like to converse with our son. Please, take your shoes off and make your way back there."

Reluctantly, and with a glower, I angrily ripped my shoes off, tossing them to the floor with a small clatter and immediately crossing my arms over my chest. I shadowed her through the familiar house where the overuse of the color white was overbearing. We made it to the media room that hadn't altered at all.

This is where I spent a majority of my time. I watched endless films, read, drank tea, and thought. Now that I'm back, it began to sting like a fresh wound. All the hours I spent alone came flooding back, and my ferocity only grew. It continued to rise in my chest when my eyes landed upon my father.

He sat cross legged on the white, extravagant couch, Harry Potter shaped glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. I remembered his salt-and-pepper hair to be much fuller in the back, but he possessed the same calm, yet off-putting demeanor. Clad in what he fancies as 'business casual' attire, he peered up at me with the eyes I inherited. I felt sickly.

"Hello, Harry." His cripplingly posh voice greeted with thinly veiled smugness. He knew of the vow I made to myself to never return to this hellhole they call a house, and here I am. He thought it was amusing.

"Hello, asshat. Can I have my stuff so I can leave now?"

Dad furrowed his eyebrows and lent forward. "Excuse me, young man? Where did you pick up such foul language?"

"Since when do you give two shits?" I shot back as Mum took a seat on the cushion beside him. She granted him a forlorn look.

"I fear our child has grown to be a blemish on society,"

"Pity," Dad sighed with her, as if I wasn't even in the room.

I scoffed, "Maybe I wouldn't be as fucked up if you didn't raise me shitty. Give me my stuff so I can leave. If it isn't plain, I don't want to be here."

Dad exhaled deeper, gazing at me in disappointment. It made me even angrier. "Your hesitance to stay and chat with the people who were kind enough to care for you and put a roof over your head is quite frankly ridiculous."

I couldn't help it; I laughed at this. I threw my head back and clapped my hands. "You? Kind? Kind enough to put over my head and care for me? No, you absolute prick, you did not care for me, and putting a roof over my head is what a goddamn parent does. If you didn't want me, you should've given me to someone who did, not made my life a living hell. The only thing that's ridiculous is how much I hate you two. Please, give me my stuff so I can get the hell away from you."

Mum paused before speaking through clenched teeth. "You will sit down, and you will talk to your mother and father like a good son. Now."

"Or what? You gonna ground me? Take my Lego's away? Make me stand in the corner and think about what I've done? No, I'm twenty years old and you had your chance to boss me round. You spent all your time with your noses in your laptop or away on business trips to be my parents. I don't have to do shit."

"Harry, please. I know we haven't been the best parents to you, but we would like to see how you turned out in the world. Humor our curiosity." Dad spoke, half pleading.

I stood momentarily, glaring in pure hatred at my 'parents'. I wanted nothing more than to stalk right out of the door and drive as far away from them as possible. Although every fiber of my being screamed at me not to, I stomped to the recliner adjacent to the sofa and gave them a grim expression. "Ten minutes."

They seemed to visibly relax. I don't know if it's the fact that their asshole son does know mercy, or the fact that they genuinely do want to know how I turned out. It wasn't long before my father began throwing questions for me to field.

"What are you studying in school?"

"Liberal arts." I reply shortly.

They took a minute to process that, and they appear slightly appalled. "Liberal arts?" Mum mimicked.

I nodded my head. "I'm a good artist."

"Will that create stability for your future?" Dad pressed on.

I rolled my eyes. "I dunno. Maybe."

They nodded, still quite vexed with the concept that I'm not an attorney or the bloody prime minister. It was actually a bit comical; like they didn't even understand a world outside of order and business. Like they didn't even know about anything creative or spontaneous. Their lives were cut off to music or fun or dancing or laughter. I can't imagine how one would be happy that way, but everyone's different, I suppose.

"Now, let's talk about this girl you've managed to impregnate-"

"Oh, no, I haven't impregnated a girl." I interrupted. I was hesitant to touch this topic yesterday, but today I couldn't care less. Let them know. I'm already livid.

Mum lifted and an eyebrow. "You mentioned that Louise was about to give birth to your child when we previously spoke,"

I chuckled a little, only rendering them more confused. "Louis. Louis Tomlinson. He's a boy. And he's having my baby any time now."

Dad's jaw fell to the floor and Mum's eyes widened farther than I had ever seen anyone's go. I just laughed at their ignorance. How thick could you get? "You didn't know lads could get pregnant, then?"

"You're a homosexual?" Dad almost gasped.

"Course I'm a homosexual, you idiot."

Turns out coming here wasn't as bad as I had originally thought it to be. Their reactions are perfect. If only I had a camera. It was honestly precious. I chortled as they struggled to comprehend my life choices.

"Well, erm... Do you plan on keeping this... Child?" Mum inquired.

I squinted at her. "Don't pretend like my son isn't a normal human being because he was conceived differently than you. And that's down to Lou. Probably not. He can't afford it and the thought of being a parent terrifies him."

"Do you want to be a parent?" Dad contributed after he caught his breathe again.

"More than anything." I responded. I glanced down at my watch and grinned to myself. "Ten minutes it up. Where's my stuff?"

Mum sighed, standing to her feet and stepping into the other room. Dad and I made eye contact, and he tried to smile at me. "Harry, I know I haven't been a very good father to you, and I don't regret anything I've done. Life is simply too short to have regrets. Neither myself nor your mother will make an effort to be involved in your life because, quite plainly, if we wanted to be there, we would have long ago. However, I suppose our riches should be shared with our only son. If you find yourself in need of financial aid, feel free to give us a bell. It's the least we can do for you and your... Partner."

I watched, puzzled, as he lent forward and scribbled a phone number on a notepad that lie on the coffee table before him. He outstretched his arm, handing me the slip of paper. I took it, giving him a long, careful stare.

"Are you bloody joking right now? Is this a joke to you?"

Dad shook his head, "No, son. Believe it or not, I kind of care about you."

"Gee. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." I responded ironically, standing to my feet and cramming the paper into my back pocket. I was too prideful to thank him before Mum entered again, a 8'x10', leather bound box that appeared as though it had previously been coated in a thick lair of dust.

She set it on the coffee table and unlatched it, reaching inside and pulling out a check and a locket. Mum set them both in my hands before shutting the box again. She granted me a serious look before speaking. "Pleasure catching up, Harry."

"If that's what you call it," I retorted, turning and trekking towards the front door.

"Good-bye, Son." Dad called after me. I threw him a less annoyed look over my shoulder and waved.

"Bye."

I made it to the front door, tugged my boots on, then ambled to my truck. I greeted her before turning the car on and backing out of my old home.

I suppose that visit could have went worse, considering it didn't end bloody or with me in prison. I glanced down at the check for quite a lot of money and the locket, wondering why Nan had left the necklace to my name. I examined it carefully when I was stopped by the irritating London traffic. It's almost impossible to own a car in this town.

The locket had a metal chain that was so worn down it almost looked rusty. Yet, the piece in the middle was still exquisite; gorgeous designs carved into the slightly better maintained silver. I carefully popped the ancient thing open to find a picture of three young girls, presumably my Mum and her sisters. It was quite old, and they all had dodgy hair cuts. On the other side of the charm was a quote written in beautiful calligraphy.

"Write your own future, Make your own miracles"

I pondered this quote and it's relevance the rest of the ride back to mine.

Louis~

"What about baby sitting?" Zayn inquired as I scanned through a newspaper for job openings.

I gave him an are-you-stupid look and he looked back down his laptop immediately. "My apologizes, Grumpy."

I tossed my eyes round their skull. "I'm not grumpy, I just don't want to get a job where I'll feel guilty about giving up my child for adoption."

"If you feel guilty then don't do it," Zayn muttered. I let out a sigh and continued chewing on my pen.

"I've got it!" He triumphantly announced moments later.

I rose my eyebrows towards him. "Pray tell."

"Toys 'R' Us! You could definitely work there,"

I thought about it. "Wouldn't that be glamorous. What are my other options?"

Zayn shrugged, scrolling a bit more. "A cinema a bit away is hiring."

"Could I walk there if I can't afford a taxi?"

"Probably," Zayn replied, wandering his hazel eyes to me. "You like films, yeah?"

"Enough, I suppose. Where's an application?"

Zayn stood, bringing me his laptop as it was a chore for me to simply stand up. I set the computer on my bump and began filling out my application as Zayn took a seat again.

"What's this really about, Lou?"

"How'd you mean? I want a job," I responded shortly.

"Right, but why do you want extra money?"

"I dunno, Zayn, maybe to continue living."

"And maybe to take care of Thomas?"

I glare up at him. "How many times do I have to tell you; I am not keeping Thomas. I can't. Please stop making me feel worse about it. I don't want my son to have to go through the system as much as Harry and you do, but it's his best shot."

"You can't possibly know that. But, whatever. I won't press."

"Thank you." I sighed, continuing the task at hand.

Perhaps Zayn was sort of right. That was my original thought, and for some reason, I can't get the idea of saving money for Tommy out of my brain, although I know it's unnecessary. It's true that I could use some more pocket money and money in general, but initially, the need for more income came from my son.

A little later that day, the front door suddenly swung open, and in walked Harry. Zayn and I exchanged looks before staring up at the obviously vexed Harry. He slammed the door shut then lent against it. He was quiet.

"Um.. Welcome to our dorm, thanks so much for inviting yourself?" I tried, confused and frankly worried.

"I just saw them today."

"Who?" Zayn and I said in unison.

Harry flicked his eyes over to me. He had an unreadable expression, but something pooling in his eyes. I set Zayn's laptop on the couch and pushed my fat self up as quickly as possible, then waddled over to Harry. I stared up at him. "What's going on?"

He let out a sigh before peering back at me. "I saw my parents today."


	20. Chapter 20

Louis~

"What the hell do you mean you talked to them today?"

Harry shook his head, pacing past me. "Mum called me and told me that me Nan had died and left something to me. She made me go back to that house and they talked to me about my life, and I actually feel like fucking crying right now,"

I slowly made my way to the couch and lowered myself onto it with a little difficulty. Harry sat down next to me and began explaining what happened.

"I got this kind of cool locket from my grandma," He spoke, showing me an ancient looking necklace breifly before he tucked it under his plaid shirt again. "Anyways, I'm warning you now, I talk fast when I'm flustered. Which is weird for me because I'm the first to admit that I talk really slow. But, I went to my house and of course Mum made me take off my damn shoes because she's like a germ freak but they made me sit and talk and they judged me a little. They didn't know that men could get pregnant and am I talking fast? I feel like I'm just rambling,"

I chuckled lightly at his slight change in character. He seemed kind of boggled as opposed to his usual confident, sure of himself attitude. It was kind of adorable.

"Well, you're talking at the speed of a regular person now, so, we can't complain." Zayn chimed in.

I smiled slightly at Harry. "Just calm down and get through the story."

"Right," Harry took in a breath, then went on. "When Mum got up to get me my stuff, Dad told me that he would support us financially if we end up keeping Tommy, but he didn't want to have a proper relationship with me or whatever. And I realized, I never, ever had my parents to be there for me and tell me I'm great and give me cookies, yeah?"

I nodded. He paused, taking a second to stare into my eyes with fazed green ones. "Well, what if we give Thomas up to a, like, adoption agency or foster system and Thomas gets ignored his whole life? I can't let that happen to my son, Lou."

"Harry, I-"

"I'm not going to let it happen to my son."

I blinked a few times, shrugging. "I can't-"

"I'll keep him."

"What?"

"You heard me," Harry said, shifting to face me more. I peered over at the curious spectator and gave him the give-us-a-moment look. Zayn rolled his eyes than stood, exiting the room and leaving Harry and I alone.

From his room Zayn shouted, "Make sure you speak up a bit. Not listening or anything, my door's just open. It's quite hot don't you think?"

I ignored Zayn's comment and continued to gaze incredulously at Harry, speaking barely above a whisper, "You mean you're going to take custody of him?"

"That's exactly what I meant. I want to make sure Thomas never has a life like mine. I don't trust anyone to ensure that but myself."

"Harry I-" I couldn't even find the right words to say. My hands somehow found my stomach right as Thomas began kicking. Just feeling him move brought a new wave of emotions over me. "Do you think you can handle it?"

"Do you think I can't?"

I swallowed, "Well, no, but, you are twenty, Harry... I don't know if that would honestly be best for him, either."

Harry scoffed, appalled. I immediately felt bad. "Okay, I didn't mean it like-"

"No, no, you're right. I'm an asshole with anger issues, why the hell would I be trusted with my own child whom I love with all my heart and would do anything to protect and give a great life?"

"Harry, I know you'd be a good father and I'm not saying you don't love him. I'm saying having a baby is a huge responsibility."

"I'm not irresponsible, Lou."

I rose an eyebrow at him. "Need I remind you how Tommy was initially conceived?"

"Wow," Harry spoke sardonically. "Just because I'm not fucking perfect like you doesn't mean I'm not responsible enough to take care of my son."

"Don't be a dick, Harry, you know you aren't exactly the most trustworthy person."

Harry tossed his arms up defensively. "Really, Lou? Really? You're completely on board with the idea of shipping our baby off to a complete stranger, but as soon as I step in and take the weight you don't know if you can trust me?"

"You lie to me, Harry! All you've ever done is lie to me! How would I know you aren't going out and getting high or something while Tommy is screaming his head off needing to be fed?" My voice was gradually rising at this point.

Harry let out an indignant laugh, lifting himself off the couch and pacing round the living room. "Glad to know that's what you think I'd do to my son."

"How the hell would I know?" I nearly shouted, making him stop to glare at me. He didn't like to be challenged. I didn't care. "You drugged me, Harry! You drugged me just so you could stick your dick in my ass. Not only did you do that; you lied about it for months and months!"

"I didn't want to lie to you, Louis," Now his voice was being raised. "I didn't want the only two things I care about to walk away from me! I didn't want to lose you and Tommy! I couldn't take you telling me you hated me again. I couldn't. And I'm sorry, but when you walked away and left me for a week. I was ready to die. I couldn't lose you."

"I wouldn't have left you if you had just told me!"

Harry shook his head. "None of this is about Tommy, is it?"

I took a moment to calm down and clear my throat. "What?"

"This is about you still being pissed at me for drugging you. This has nothing to do with our son."

"Yes it does," I counter-claimed. "If I can't trust you to be upfront with me about shit like that, I'm not going to trust you to be a good dad to my son."

"You can't trust foster families to treat him right, either! You never know what kind of shit he'd have to deal with! His whole life he could be alone and miserable, and worse than that, he'll spend forever wondering why his parents gave him up. Why his parents didn't want him. Do you even realize how bad that will fuck him up?"

I shook my head. "I don't trust you, Harry."

"I know you don't trust me, Louis. I realize that I am a ignoramus who doesn't even deserve to look at your beautiful face for three seconds. I should be locked up for what I did to you. I don't deserve you. But I sure as hell deserve a chance to be with my child."

"I don't want to give you a chance if I don't know the outcome! For all I know, you're still doing that goddamn business with Gabriel or you're a frigging drug dealer and you won't take good care of Thomas! You let me fall in love with you thinking that you changed and you were remorseful for everything you did to me, and there was nothing else to hide. Then you tell me that you drugged me? That you put a harmful substance into my system just to have a shag? Am I supposed to trust you after you lied about that?"

Everything was silent for a good thirty seconds. The only thing that could be heard was my heavy breathing and Harry's beating heart.

"You love me?" He almost whispered, his voice betraying him ever so slightly.

I swallowed, feeling a whole new kind of emotion course through my body, replacing the anger with a sense of sadness and hopelessness. I shook my head, standing abruptly and waddling as fast as my giant, pregnant self would go. I slammed my bedroom door shut, making sure it was secured before I broke down in tears for what seemed like the millionth time. I heard Zayn's door open and shut.

"I think it's time for you to go." Zayn's grim voice came from the living room. A few moments later Zayn poked his head in my room.

"You okay, mate?"

I didn't respond. I only sobbed harder. Why was everything so confusing? Why did that curly haired douchebag have to make everything so fucking hard? Why was the future of another human being in my hands? I angrily wiped away my tears with the back of my hands. Fresh tears quickly replaced them and my cheeks became wet once more.

I felt my bed dip as Zayn sat next to me. He was always the best in situations like this one. He said nothing, just simply let me cry on his shoulder. Zayn rubbed my back gently while I let it all out. Everything just keeps hitting me all at once over and over again and I keep getting reminded that I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do about anything anymore.

It seemed like I was bawling my eyes out forever. It seemed like all I ever do, bawl my eyes out because of one more problem related to Harry.

"What am I going to do?"

Harry~

I viciously folded the baby clothes that I had bought for my soon to be son and shoved them in the wardrobe that I had spent two days and a broken thumb on. I was beyond upset, and I didn't want to admit that Louis was right.

"Haz, mate? You okay?" Niall asked, peaking his head into the bedroom.

"M'fine." I replied through gritted teeth, a bit harsher than initially intended.

"Okay," Niall spoke quietly, slowly stepping into the space with his hands in his pockets. "Zayn just told me about what happened between you and Lou today. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to say."

"There's plenty to say," He counter-claimed, taking a seat in the arm chair I set in the corner. "Are you really going to do this? Mate, you're barely legal-"

"Yes, I know I am the least qualified person in the world to care for a living, breathing baby boy, Louis has made that point very clear. And yes, and I am really going to do this." I cut him off, slamming the wardrobe drawer shut with jarring force.

Niall flinched slightly then let out a long, exasperated sigh. "Actually, a good point would be how the hell are you going to take care of a baby when you're such a big one yourself?"

I turned to face him, anger etched into my features. "I am not a fucking baby, Niall. I am not in the mood to discuss this at the moment, and if you continue to press I might actually kill you."

Niall scoffed. "You're just proving my point. Do you even realize how big of a responsibility a baby is?"

I muttered a 'Fuck off' and turned my back on him again. I heard him stand abruptly. "No, Haz, I am going to talk to you about this! And it would be over a lot quicker if you stopped being a little bitch."

"Oh my god, what the hell do you want from me?" I demanded, spinning round and stepping towards him. "I've already been chewed out by Louis today, and I certainly don't need to hear how shit of a parent I'm gonna be from you, too."

"If you're so sure you're gonna be a shit parent, then why? Why are you doing this to him and yourself? Why not give Thomas to someone who can take care of him and give him a good, proper life?"

I glared at him as wrath rose within me. "I know that I could give him everything he needs. Him staying with me is the only way to know for sure that he'll be okay."

"Is it? Having a baby means staying home all the time, feeding, clothing, and caring for Thomas 24/7, giving up your social life, and giving all your love and time to this baby."

"I know what it means! I've screwed up everything else, alright, I know the stakes and I'm going to make this right. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for Thomas. I'm ready, Niall. I'm ready to be a father. Why does no one think I can do this?"

"If we did, we would all be going off blind faith. Remember when I said you can't just do the things you do and expect to not have repercussions? This is what happens when you lie and cheat and steal and hide. People don't trust you."

"I'm trying to change! I'm trying to prove that I am trustworthy! How can I do that when no one gives me a chance?"

Niall paused for a moment, shrugging his shoulders and sighing. "I know how much you love Louis, Haz. I know that you mean what you say about Thomas. And I know you want to change. I'm just trying to make you understand why Louis doesn't."

"Well, fuck Louis!" I barely shouted, kicking the wall. "Fuck everything."

"This is the kind of thing that doesn't help your case," Niall spoke, pushing me away from the wall I was repeatedly kicking. My chest heaved erratically as I stared at Niall with intensity in my eyes.

I shook my head then dropped it. "I hate myself."

"Harry, don't-"

"I hate myself. I hate myself so goddamn much, Niall. Why the hell was I expecting a chance? Why did I think I deserved to have a son?"

Niall didn't respond. He just look at me with pitiful expression.

"Just tell Louis to give Tommy up for adoption. And that I'll stay out of his life. I'll just stay out of everyone's life,"

Niall grabbed my wrist before I could get too far away. "Harry, don't do anything stupid."

I jerked my arm out of his grasp. Normally, when I felt like this I'd do get drunk or have a quickie with the first lad I see. Not this time. I didn't lie when I said I was trying to change.

I sauntered away to my bedroom, slamming the door shut. I stood momentarily, not knowing what to do with all these emotions. I finally let out a loud, broken cry before pounding my fists against the plaster. I didn't care how badly it hurt my now bloody knuckles.

I don't want to give my son up. I want him to live with me. Maybe that's selfish, and maybe I'm a baby, but it would break my heart to see him go. I imagine Louis feels the same as I do. Not wanting to give up his baby, but knowing that it would probably be best for him.

I just don't trust anyone else with him. I don't trust strangers to love and adore and care for him like I know I would. I suppose no one else has that kind of faith in me, though.

_

I took the rest of the day to calm down and when I woke I decided to go and apologize to Louis for the fight. I didn't mean to make him as upset as I did.

I pulled up in the parking lot of the dorm building to see an unfamiliar looking car adjacent to where Zayn's terrible old one was usually parked. I stepped out of my own vehicle, curious as to whose it belonged to. It shouldn't be a big deal that a car in a parking lot, but I had never seen it before and my mind wanders.

I knocked promptly on the door of 221B, hearing the voices of various females behind the door. I knit my eyebrows together and stood until Louis opened the door. His expression went immediately flat.

"What do you want?"

I gave him a half-smile. "S'wonderful to see you as well, Gorgeous."

I looked past him to see two small blonde girls who stopped to stare at me, doe eyed. They looked almost identical, and a lot like Louis. One of them smiled. "Hi!"

I grinned and waved. Louis rolled his eyes. "Can you please go-"

"Louis, who's your friend?" A brunette woman inquired, emerging from the kitchen, accompanied by a cute blonde who had to be only a few years younger than Louis.

"Oh my goodness," Louis sighed, gesturing for me to enter. I stepped in and gave whom I assumed why Louis' mother my least arrogant smile. "This is Harry."

The older girl's eyes widened, and the little ones still stared. Louis' mum seemed slightly fazed but she paced closer to me, nonetheless. "Hello, Harry. I've heard so much about you..."

I gave her a small hug and kiss on the cheek. "Not too many good things, I'm sure." I replied. She just rose her eyebrows and glanced back at her son.

"You're Harry?" The older-younger sister asked.

I nodded. "Lottie or Fizzy?"

"Lottie. And you're hot," She cleared her throat. "Did I say that out loud?"

I chuckled before Louis grabbed my arm and tugged me into his bedroom. He shut the door and gave me a very cross look. "Why are you here?"

"I can't tell if you're angry because you don't want me to meet the girls, or because of our little skirmish last night."

"Little skirmish? Whatever, Haz, whatever you want to call it just. What do you want?"

I allowed myself to grin. "Have you been talking to Niall?"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Possibly. Why?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Just never heard you use my nickname."

"What do you want?"

"To apologize."

Louis was interested now. His arms fell to his side. "For?"

"For being a dick yesterday.. But, mostly, for everything."

"Harry, my family is-"

"This isn't going to be a drawn out discussion," I cut him off. "This is an apology. Just listen."

He let out a long sigh, letting me know he would. I wet my lips, eyes drifting from his.

"Before I met you, Louis, I was almost completely gone. I was lost and I frankly didn't care that I was. I had nothing to live for. And then I saw you. And I had something I wanted. I got it the wrong way, I made too many mistakes to fix, and I fucked up your life. And I'm sorry."

He didn't reply. When I peered up to meet his eyes, they weren't there either. "Is this I'm sorry or goodbye?"

I felt my chest flutter, and not in the good way. I smiled when he looked at me again. "I just think you might want some space."

"Space?" Louis repeated.

I nodded. "You need space from me, Lou. You need time to heal and I'm just cutting the wound deeper."

"Harry, I didn't mean-"

"Don't, Lou," I shook my head at him. "Just... You have my number. Until then, I guess it's a goodbye."

It was quiet for a moment, my heart shattering more with each growing seconds. Louis finally opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come out. He kind of suddenly lunged at me, throwing his arms round my neck. I felt like crying as I secured my arms round his waist, feeling his pregnant stomach against my own.

"You're right.. But, thank you, Harry."

I scoffed slightly with my face still buried in his neck. "Don't thank me for anything." I whispered.

"You make me happy. You make me crazy and sad and angry and confused," He said, pulling away just enough to stare into my eyes. "But you make me happy."

I bit on my lip as I studied those gorgeous blue eyes one more time. "You make me happy, Lou. So, so happy."

Louis grinned back at me. "Thank you for doing this..."

"You need space, so,"

"No, not the space thing. You're doing it for me. So, thank you for caring. I love you."

I chocked on my words as I repeated. "I love you."

Louis stood on his toes and I leaned down to meet his kiss. The overwhelming feeling that started in my heart and spread throughout my veins covered me as our lips slid along one another's momentarily. When we pulled away I whispered.

"You don't plan on talking to me again, do you?"

Louis tried to smile. "It's not my intention."

Those words hurt even worse, but I nodded. "As you wish."

He pressed another soft kiss to my lips, and I melted into the taste of his lips; memorizing them so I had something to dream about.

We withdrew from each other's presence after a few great and terrible moments. I let out a deep breath and grinned. "Good-bye, Gorgeous."

"Good-bye, cocky bastard."

I chortled slightly, stepping out of the room and into the next one. I ambled through the dorm, waving to Louis' family members until I reached the door. I threw Louis a last glance over my shoulder. I had a bit of a flash-back moment as I did; my mind drifting to the day in his favorite cafe, where I saw him there. His hair was still a little damp from the rain and it was short, but not too short. It was perfect, just like his bright, blue eyes and his unshaven cheeks. His pink lips wrapped round a tea cup. He was wearing a white t-shirt and a denim jacket, black jeans. I had never seen anything so beautiful.

And now I was saying good-bye.

I exited the 221B for the last time and slowly made my way to my hideous truck. I drove home, the traffic not giving me much more time before I inevitably broke down again. Thankfully I made it home, and not so thankfully, Niall was there with Valerie. I must have been visibly upset.

"Haz, you alright?"

I didn't respond right away. "Do you want the truth or do you want my usual mutter of 'I'm fine' as I stomp to my bedroom and stay there until the next day?"

Niall sighed. "Whatever you think you need."

I managed a grin at him before stating in a broken whisper. "M'fine."

I slowly ambled to my bedroom, shutting the door as if it was a barrier between me and the rest of the world. And I fell apart all over again.

Louis~

I didn't know how to feel as I watched Harry leave. This sort of numbness took over me as I sat down on the edge of my bed. I didn't even bother to look up when my door creaked open slowly.

"Lou?" My mum said gently.

"Yeah?" I put a fake smile on hoping it would fool my mother even though I knew it wouldn't.

"Do you want to talk?" She sat next to me on the bed and combed her fingers through my hair just like she did when I was a kid. I huffed and leaned into the comforting touch of my mum.

"Not really. I think just need time, ya know? It feels like so much is going on at once and I really just need a minute to breathe."

"How about the girls and I get out of the house for a bit? We'll go for ice cream or something?"

"Thanks, Mum." She hugged me tightly before slipping out of my room. I could hear the faint sounds of the girls moving about in the living room.

I collapsed back on my bed limbs splayed out as my mind raced with all the thoughts that ran through it. I thought about Harry's lips on mine for what seemed the final time, I thought about the first time we met in the cafe, I thought about the first 'date' we had that ended in utter disaster, I thought about when we turned Harry's kitchen into a warzone, all the times we laughed together, the times we cried over each other and I realized how quickly it all went away. Isn't it funny? How people can waltz into your life, make an everlasting impact, and waltz right out of it just as quickly?

As I lay there I wasn't exactly sad. I felt no oncoming tears. No wave of sadness. Not really much of anything. Just the empty feeling of someone who was so much of your life for so long suddenly gone. I felt Thomas shift inside me; the only reminder of Harry I had left. But any day now, even he was going to be out of my life. With a good proper family who can raise him the way he deserves. I felt a jab to the bladder and the urge to pee came over me. Slowly, I pushed myself off the bed and made my way to the bathroom.

After flushing the toilet I looked up at the mirror. There was nothing interesting there, just my face, but I stared long and hard. I turned on the water and let the cold water run through my fingers. I held my gaze at the mirror, though. I had no idea what I was looking for. I flicked a stray hair back in it's place.

Suddenly a sharp pain overtook my abdomen, causing me to gasp. I closed my eyes and let it pass before opening them once more. It crossed my mind that it may have been a contraction, so I wasn't too worried as it was only one and labor could last forever. I returned to my room to see a text from my Mum stating they we stuck in traffic due to a really bad pile up. I decided to take a nap while I waited for my mum and sisters to return.

I awoke to another pain in my stomach. I checked my clock on the nightstand and noted that this contraction came twenty minutes later. I took deep breaths as I waited for the pain to ease up again. I decided to wait to call someone as they wern't that close yet.

An hour and three contractions later I got a call from my mother saying they were just going to head home because it was getting later. I told her to be safe but didn't bother to mention contractions. I didn't need her to worry just yet. I rested my head again and my eyes began to droop. When the next contraction hit it was only 18 minutes apart from the last one. I tried to continue to relax by breathing carefully waitng for the pain to go away. I began to wonder how my mum had gone through this so many times. That's how most of the night went by; me dozing off only to be awakened by contractions. They had stayed pretty steady; seventeen to eighteen minutes apart then dropping to fourteen, to sixteen. I always checked the time before dozing off once more.

I scrunched my eyes tight as another contraction hit. I glanced at my clock my eyes widening as I realized this one was only twelve minutes from the last. They were nearing the single digits the next one could quite possibly be there. I made a grab for my phone and scrolled through my contacts. My finger hovered over my mum but she was probably home by now and the drive was kind of far. My next thought was Zayn, but he was also gone visiting with Liam and his family. I sighed as I thought of the only person who was nearby. Only a few blocks away, actually. I put the phone to my ear as it rung.

"C'mon, pick up," I mumbled as the phone reached it's fourth ring. Midway through the fifth the ringing cut off.

"Hello?" Harry said groggily.

"Harry I-"

"Louis?" His disbelieving voice came through the speaker," I thought-what we talked about earlier-"

"I know, I know," I responded impatiently,"but I kind of need your help. Everyone else is away and you were the only person to come to mind."

"What is it?" He inquired obviously concerned.

"Um, I'm kind of in labor."


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am exceedingly sorry, i thought my co-writer had updated the story but oh guess what  
> she didnt  
> anyways, this is the finale chapter, its been on wattpad for months, but here it is on ao3  
> thanks guys ily  
> -jules

LOUIS' POV

 

Everything seemed to be happening so quickly; like the world was put in fast forward. I was dizzy, but not to the point of dysfunction. Yet, that is. I felt as though my mind and body would eventually disconnect. 

"You're going into labor? Like, right now?"

I nodded my head even though he couldn't see that. "Please come."

"Yeah, I'll be there straight away, Love. Just, try and be calm."

I let my phone slip out of my fingers and fall to the ground when the line went dead. I took a seat on the couch and attempted to do as Harry had suggested, but you try being bloody calm as a child is trying to climb it's way out of your body. 

Where the hell is he coming out at?

My imagination made my heart race even faster and the seconds felt like years as I waited for Harry to come to my rescue. I held my stomach and breathed in and out, in and out. It seemed like it should've been more affective. 

When Harry stumbled through the front door, I felt relief wash over me. Stress and pain and anxiety quickly demolished the feeling and I kind of shouted at him. "Bloody hell, it took you long enough,"

"You're welcome for dropping everything and rushing my ass here, Princess," He returned, rushing over to me and aiding me in standing up. I arched my back and clung to his long, strong arm as we slowly walked. I felt like crying. 

"It'll be okay," Harry assured me. "We'll be at the hospital soon, Love. I promise. Please don't cry."

I peered up at him. "Does it look like I'm about to?"

He nodded. I frowned. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You're the one in labor,"

_

Two hours of feeling like I'm dying later, and I was stable in a hospital bed. Stable for now, at least. Tommy is not a patient baby.

I was talking to Mum and the girls as Harry awkwardly stood in the corner of the room, pretending to be busy on his mobile. I didn't know what to say to him, or if I should somehow try and include him in the conversation. After our dramatic good-bye, I wonder if it was a mistake to even call him. 

"Do you still get to name him?" Daisy chimed, peering at my belly. 

I knit my eyebrows together, "Of course I get to name him. Why wouldn't I?"

"Fiz says your giving him away. Won't his new parents want to name him?"

My heart grew heavy and fell to the pit of my stomach. I shot Fizzy a look (not so much angry as sad) then peered down at my younger sister. "I still get to name my baby." 

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," 

I was distracted by Harry clearing his throat abruptly. I locked eyes with him before he exited the room. I let out a guilty sigh. I watched as Mum pulled out some a few pounds and handed it to Lottie. "Take the girls to get something at the gift shop. Please,"

Lottie nodded and the rest of my sisters followed wordlessly. I perked my head at Mum, who was now sat down beside me. "Gift shop? In a hospital?"

"Yeah, they have loads of.. Things. Anyways, sorry about what Fizzy told the girls. I don't know how she managed to-"

"It's fine. It's not like some big secret." I assured her. "I do feel like rubbish about it, though."

"Don't, Lou, it's your decision. I support you." 

I granted her a half-hearted smile then went back to fiddling with the bracelet they secured on my wrist. She spoke again, "I thought we were finished with Harry, by the way..."

I huffed in exasperation. "I was freaking out. I called him half on force of habit, and half on the fact that he only lives a few blocks away and I thought I was going to die. I am finished with him. After I give Tommy up for adoption, there will be no reason to even see him again." 

"Whatever you decide, Lou, make sure it's final. You can't be reliant on him one day and then ignoring him the next. Whether you try to work things out or don't, just let it be."

"You're right," I told her. "I already made my decision. I'm just doubting myself a little now."

_

"I rang Zayn and he should be here with Nandos in forty minutes to a half-hour," Harry announced, sliding his mobile into the back pocket of his tight, black jeans. 

"Thank God. I don't think I could shovel another mouthful of that flavorless Jell-o into my mouth to save the world," I said, placing the tray of my disgusting hospital food onto the table beside me. I folded my hands over my bump and tried to make as little eye-contact with my ex-whatever he was to me. He sat down. 

"What's the real reason you called me, Louis?"

I flicked my eyes over to him. "How do you mean?" 

"I mean that I heard your little conversation with Mother dearest and what you told her is bullshit. Why'd you call me?"

I swallowed, staring back down at my hands. Thank you to my Mother for leaving me to get the girls McDonalds. Now I have to endure this conversation. "You were close by and I needed help. That's all."

"Couldn't your Mum have hightailed it over there?"

I stifled a laugh at his word choice. "Have you been hanging out with an American?"

"I'm serious, Lou. If you just plan on not talking to me anymore, why'd you bring me back in?"

"I was scared, okay? I was scared because a human being is trying to force it's way out of my stomach and I didn't know what to do. You've been the person that I rang whenever I got scared for a while. You make me..." I shook my head. I couldn't finish that thought once I relayed it in my mind. Mostly because it sounded a lot like something Bella from Twilight would say. 

"I make you what?"

"I just needed help and you were closest." 

"I make you what, Louis?" Harry repeated with more emphasis. 

"You make me feel safe. Happy now? You make me feel safe. When I'm with you, I don't want to freak out as much because you make me feel safe." I spoke with annoyance in my tone. 

"Well, that's not my job anymore, so why didn't you just call your Mum?"

"First of all; I just told you why, and second; it was never your job to make me feel safe. It's just something that came along with you annoying me until I was nice to you." 

My heart fluttered when I met his glare. "Are you always going to ring me when you're freaking out?"

I didn't trust my voice to form a coherent sentence, so I kept my mouth closed. Even if I could speak, I didn't know what to say. I don't know if I trusted myself to stay away from Harry either. I had told him and Mum I would, but I'm still trying to convince myself. I'm still in love with him. There's no denying that. 

"Right," He strained while standing after a moment of silence. "I'm gonna go wait for Zayn. Text me if you need anything."

I nodded and he exited the room. Once the door shut, I pulled a pillow out from behind my head and smothered it in my face to muffle my scream. 

I really need to stop bullshitting everything and figure out what I want. 

_

"I couldn't figure out what you want," Zayn said while handing me a chicken wrap and Peri-Peri chips. "So I just got you what I think you like. Hope you... Like it," 

I smiled at him. "I like anything better than hospital food. Thanks, mate."

"Sure thing, Bud. How're you holding up?"

"Painfully," I spoke with a mouthful of chips. "Contractions are not fun." 

Zayn and I continued conversing until my worried mother entered with an even more worried Harry. She peered at me, and I set my food down on the side-table. "What? That's your concerned face,"

She sighed. "Lou, uh... I don't think any of us have given much thought to how the baby is actually going to come out, so I asked the doctor, and.."

"And?" I urged, sitting up a bit with slight difficulty. 

"They're doing a c-section." 

My mouth literally fell to my chest. "What?"

"It's nothing you can't handle; it's an incision in your abdomen-"

"What? A c-section? Really? I don't want to, can't it just come out of my ass or something?"

Zayn cringed at that thought and Mum frowned at me. "I'm afraid not."

"And I'm afraid in general," I gulped at the thought. "Seriously, isn't there any other way? I don't want a scar for the rest of my life. Hell, I don't want them cutting me open like a seventh grade science experiment!"

"Lou, it'll be okay," Harry spoke up. "They going to put you under general anesthesia so you won't even know you're being operated on."

"Don't say it like that! That freaks me out!"

"Uh, sorry.. You won't even know that they're.. Uh.. You're gonna be knocked out so you won't feel anything. Bottom line," 

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I don't know what about this scared me so badly. Maybe it was everything. All I know is that I've seen a c-section on TLC before and I do not want to undergo that process. It was horrifying and I feel like pissing myself right about now. "When are they doing this?"

"Few hours," Mum answered. "You have until then to calm the hell down." 

"You'll be fine, Lou." Harry assured with his award-winning smile and a wink. I almost grinned back. Almost.

 

HARRY'S POV

I was grateful when they put Lou to sleep. I had never seen anyone lose it that much. He was in tears, his hands were shaking, and I swear I could've heard his heart. The only good thing about him going ballistic was that he wouldn't let go of my hand. Considering it was the last time I'd get to hold his, I took full advantage of the opportunity. 

Louis was in some kind of operation space as I tapped my foot nervously in the waiting room with Louis' family, Zayn and Liam. Liam, not having gotten over our little skirmish when Louis went to Doncaster, gave me the death glare for about ten minutes until he realized that my son was being born in the other room. He oh so generously cut me some slack. Hopefully I wouldn't have to deal with that issue my anger created in the future. 

I don't know if it's the fact that my son is going to be physically in my arms soon, or the fact that something could go wrong at any given moment, but the nerves were gnawing on my insides. I had chewed all of my finger-nails right down to the nub when time hit the half-hour mark. Why was it taking so long? It wasn't an emergency, obviously, but I just feel like it should be done by now. 

I wish Louis'd let me in the room with him. I need to know what's happening, and not knowing is killing me slowly. 

Just as I was having these thoughts, a doctor emerged from the room they rolled Louis' hospital bed into earlier. All eight of us visibly stiffened as the young, kind of short male gave us a charming grin. "Is the father present?"

I stood immediately and stared at him. "Is Lou okay? Is the baby okay?"

Dr. Chase (according to his name-tag) chuckled. "I can tell you're going to be the over-protective parent. They're both fine and Mr. Tomlinson should be awake within the next few minutes. I just stitched him up, so only one person at a time." 

"Is my son in there?"

Dr. Chase nodded. "Healthy, too. You're free to enter." 

I tried not to run to the room, but I probably did. I slowed myself down on entering the space and my eyes immediately fell upon the sickly looking Louis lying in bed with a bundle in his arms. I couldn't tell if my heart raced or stopped altogether. 

Louis' blue eyes with dark circles underneath them found my face, and a grin stretched his lips. I don't understand how he still managed to be the most beautiful thing in the world. "Harry," he spoke in a low voice, gesturing for me to come to him. 

I slowly walked to his bedside and glanced at his stomach. I couldn't see anything because the hospital gown that adorned his body was covering it, but I imagined a nasty, long cut. I shook those thoughts and returned my gaze to Louis. 

"He's finally stopped crying," Louis almost giggled. 

I took in a deep breath before training my eyes on the newborn baby. I had to gasp. He was precious. 

His eyes were loosely shut and his very pink bottom lip protruded slightly as soft snores escaped his mouth. I could already tell he was going to look exactly like Louis. I fell in love with him instantly. 

"Oh my gosh," was all I could actually utter. I felt like crying but instead I smiled like an idiot. 

"Isn't he beautiful?" Louis spoke softly, pushing the blanket from his face. 

"He's gorgeous.. He's perfect," 

"Do you wanna hold him?" 

I nodded slowly as Louis carefully transferred the sleeping child from his arms to my own. I could tell how exhausted Louis was by the fact that he could hardly lift Thomas at all. I cradled the baby in my arms as my heart grew more and more attached to this beautiful, amazing creature. I loved him so much already. 

"Hey, Tommy.. It's your other Daddy," I whispered with a wide smile. I didn't realize I was actually in tears until I felt the moisture on my cheeks. I couldn't care less about all the man-points I was losing; I love this baby more than I ever thought was possible. 

"Harry.. I need to talk to you," Louis spoke. I took a seat in the chair at his bedside and reluctantly turned my attention to him. 

"Are you sure you don't wanna take a nap or something? You look knackered," 

Louis shook his head. "I just got out of a drug induced sleep. I'm just physically drained. But, I.. I still need to say something." 

"Yeah?" I lifted my finger and softly brushed his cheek. Even my finger-tip was giant compared to him. 

"I really.. Really love Thomas.. I don't know if I can do what I was planning to originally.."

I stared at him, taking a moment to process what he had just said. "Are you serious?"

"Look at him," Louis said. I did. And I understood. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to set him down, let alone give him up for adoption. "He's mine; ours."

"What are you saying?"

Louis released a puff of air after forcing himself to sit up properly. "I mean that there are a lot of things wrong between us.. Enough that it would almost be easier to walk away... And I'm not saying that I want to be in a proper relationship with you yet.. But I want my child.. And I still love you.."

"So, you want to try to make this work?" I tried not to sound as ecstatic as I was. 

Louis nodded. "I would've wanted my father to be there for me growing up. And my Mum regrets not giving him a chance.. I don't want to give up on this so easily.."

I allowed myself to smile. "Thank you."

Louis grinned back at me, then down at Thomas. "There's absolutely no way I can live without him from now on. And we'll have money. It'll all work out. Sometimes all you need is all of your heart,"

I gave him a look. "Sometimes all you need is all of your heart? Where'd you get that, the back of a corn flakes box?"

Louis rolled his eyes lazily. "No. Just from someone that I know who knows a thing or two about a thing or two."

I nodded, still staring down at Thomas. "Your friend is very wise,"

"Shit, where is he gonna stay? I haven't bought any baby stuff. Shit," 

"I got it covered, Lou," I said to him. "The former guest bedroom is ready whenever you and Thomas are." 

"Really?" Louis asked hopefully. "Thank God. How'd you reckon I was going to change my mind.."

"Well, he's my son, so I knew he was going to be irresistible." 

Louis rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, you cocky bastard." 

I took a moment to analyze my life. My baby son is now in my arms, and I know I'll get to be with him forever. The man I love is right beside me, and although we aren't together, I somehow don't mind at the moment. This is it; this is my life. It's a sloppy, messy, wonderful, beautiful work in progress. And I wouldn't wish for anything else. 

_

Ever since I signed Thomas' birth certificate, I couldn't get it out of my mind. 

Born on April 25, 2014 at 5:54 pm, Thomas Jared Tomlinson

He was 8.7 pounds and 19.2 inches. Not to mention the most wonderful thing in the entire world. 

The next day I unfortunately had to spend taking a test for uni in the morning. I can't imagine that I did half-way decent on it with the thoughts on my new baby circling in my head. I headed home to grap Thomas some clothes. 

When I walked in Niall was sat on the couch with a giant bag of crisps and three empty beer cans on the coffee table. I glanced at the telly; he was watching Bambi. I frowned. "Did you and Valerie split off?"

Niall sniffled. "She dumped me for some Australian kid." 

"I'm sorry, Nialler," I sighed, leaning down and giving him a big hug and ignoring the fact that he was in desperate need of a shower. 

"S'alright. Congrats on your son being born, by the way." 

I grinned. "Thanks, mate. Do you wanna come and visit him?" 

"Nah, I'll see him when you bring him home. I'm content on sitting here in my own filth and watching a film about a wimpy, motherless deer."

I nodded. "Suit yourself, then. I'll be home later, with Thomas."

Niall tried to smile. "Awesome. Can't wait to meet him. How's Lou holding up?"

"Still in a bit of pain, but they're giving him medication."

"How are you?"

I grinned. "Never been better."

He smiled back. "Glad to hear it." 

"I gotta get back to the hospital. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah,"

I ran into Thomas' bedroom and grabbed an outfit. I waved good-bye to Niall on my way out then made my way to the hospital as fast as possible.

 

_

When all of the paperwork and shit was dealt with and it was time for us to take our baby home, Louis had me hold our newly dressed newborn in his baby carrier as we slowly walked. He was still recovering from his c-section. As we were exiting, we stumbled across a familiar face in the waiting room.

Hadley was sitting there and her appearance had altered slightly. Her hair was shorter and she looked more worn out. Her huge brown eyes met ours and she gave us a hesitant smile. Louis of course had to be mature and say hello. I still wanted to strangle her.

"Hey, Hadley. Long time no see,"

"Tell me about it," She replied with fake sincerity. I saw right past it even now. "Is this little Thomas?"

Louis nodded. "Isn't he beautiful?"

Hadley agreed that he was. "You should've seen little Austin. He is absolutely perfect,"

"Yeah? How's it going with your baby?"

"Pretty well, I'd say. I've brought him up for a few tests. Luca's here, but he's in the toilet. It was nice seeing you lot again."

Louis grinned. "Certainly was. Take care,"

"Same for you."

I was so relieved when we began walking away. Hadley gave me an evil glare, and I replied with a cheeky smile. I don't think having a child made any kind of difference to her horrible personality whatsoever. I looked at Louis.

"That was uncomfortable."

"Well, I could've just pretended like she wasn't there,"

"Why not?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "It's not polite, Haz."

I grinned a little and held the door open for him. "You're so humble."

"I'd like to think so," He returned. 

_

Louis' mum and sisters were at mine by the time we got there. Zayn and Liam had turned up for the subtle celebration as well. The first thing Louis wanted to do was see Thomas' room, however. He was very pleased with it. 

"How long did this take you?" He inquired, staring at the mural I had painted as I tried to stop Tommy from crying by holding him in my arms and rubbing his back softly. I shrugged.

"A while." 

"It's beautiful," He spoke, turning to face me. "Thank you for having his room ready."

I grinned down at Louis. "Don't have to thank me." 

"Well, I did anyways," He leaned up on his tip-toes and pecked my cheek. My grin widened. 

"C'mon, everyone's in the living room."

And so we spent the rest of the night with family/friends. It didn't make me sad that my own parents missed this event in my life. That only gave me more determination to be there for Tommy. It also reminded me that I now had a picture worth putting in that rusty old locket my late grandmother had left me. 

With only one official day of Thomas being alive, we learned that he does not like eating, he loves crying, he has Louis' nose, lips, hair, loudness, and my eyes. He also has a certain liking towards Lottie. 

In all of my life, I had never really had much. And now that I have anything I've ever wanted and/or needed, I've got to get it right this time. Louis is my reality check and Thomas is my wake up call; and together they're my world. I realized how unbelievably lucky I am, watching Louis smile and fawn over our beautiful, whiny baby. I'll never let myself screw this up. I'll win Louis back, and I'll be with my son. A certain phrase played over and over again in my head, and it made me think of my new opportunity at a great life. 

"Write your own future, Make your own miracles"

I already have, Nan. 

 

THE END


End file.
